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My 6yo thinks I hate her!!?!!?!!!

(10 Posts)
Vic103 Mon 19-Dec-16 01:14:56

First time post. Need some advice/reassurance.

After a phone call with my mother, I learned of a conversation between her and my daughter (6yrs) and they were watching a tv show where the woman was doing a 'happy dance' and when dd asked what she was doing, to which my mum replied she's dancing bc she is happy, my dd said "my mum would never do that coz she's not happy" when asked by my mum, what would make mum unhappy? DD replied with "me"

As you can imagine, this has totally devastated me, as I have no idea where it came from or that she was feeling this way. She's a very sensitive little girl and when she gets in trouble, she takes it to heart. But I can't get my head around why a 6 year old would even be thinking this way?
I work FT and I'm a single parent. She goes with her dad on weekends so I honestly don't get much quality time with her. But the time we do have is love and cuddles and fun. I have no idea how I'm supposed to change how she's feeling? Do I cut hours even though I can't afford it? Do I take quality time away from her dad? Do any other working mums have this issue with kids? I'm at a loose end.

llangennith Mon 19-Dec-16 02:33:10

Not a long response as I should be getting back to sleep, but your DD should be spending more time in her home with you than with her father. Why is she with him every weekend? Surely you want to see her at weekends?

Manumission Mon 19-Dec-16 02:36:35

Every weekend with her dad Is a lot. Do you never get to spend a day with her?

uhoh2016 Mon 19-Dec-16 03:13:29

Would Dad be willing to change to a Friday and Saturday or Sunday and Monday allowing you to have at least one day at the weekend with her?
I'd bring up the conversation with her next time your having cuddles and ask her what makes her feel this way .
I Also have a 6yo I think it's a very sensitive age

Vic103 Mon 19-Dec-16 09:02:55

I work most weekends, with only 1 in 3 off. It's not practical for him to see her after work or midweek with the distance he stays (about 30/40 mins)which is why it's always been weekends. I get the odd day with her and if I'm off midweek we do stuff after work. I work shifts that either start at 5/6 am or finish at midnight. So I don't often get to do her bedtime routine. It's maybe something I'm going to need to bring up with him, but typical bitter ex will cause a riot!

scottishdiem Mon 19-Dec-16 09:09:17

Oh dear - my heart goes out to you OP.

It may have just been something that day - maybe a wee row about something that morning or previous night. As you say, she takes things to heart.

It could also be her father stirring. She could be really wanting to do stuff at weekends with you and she has asked him but he has spun a story to make him look good.

Your time with her looks unfortunately very curtailed so she might be getting the wrong impression as to why that is.

Vic103 Mon 19-Dec-16 09:28:44

Well she has came back from her dads yesterday, and he hadn't given her breakfast! 😳 So I wasn't very happy, and she was there when I called him. Although I didn't shout or argue in front of her, she maybe sensed my unhappiness at that which could have triggered it. I'm just so upset that she would think she makes me unhappy and she's my life sad

toptoe Mon 19-Dec-16 09:38:22

Talk to her. Tell her how she makes you feel. If you are unhappy, tell her why so she knows it's not her fault. kids naturally think most things are their fault unless you tell them otherwise as they are egocentric...not selfish but think they are the middle of their world.

Vic103 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:29:40

That's why I was so taken aback, I'm not unhappy so I'm not sure where she's got it from. But yeah I'll definitely have to speak to her and maybe see if it's even a reflection on how she's feeling? There's maybe something bothering her at school or something.

Thanks x

BdumBdummer Mon 19-Dec-16 11:16:02

Surprise her with a duvet day if you can fit one in. A film. Pyjamas. Popcorn. Whatever. Get her to describe her perfect duvet day and make it.

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