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SAHM/D - how do you spend your day? or working mums when you're not working :)

(28 Posts)
justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 14-Dec-16 20:31:33

I've only recently felt like I'm back on my feet now DD2 is 4mo. I also have a 22mo and found it really hard getting out at first.

Anyway I've come across a couple of new baby/toddler groups but they've mostly finished for Christmas. I guess I'm just planning ahead for the New Year when we can establish a good routine.

Here is what I'm thinking but I would like to know how other mums spend their days? I feel like I need to get out because if we stay in I can't help but get distracted by tidying up or putting the tv on so I can have coffee in some sort of peace but this is happening several times a day now and we just work better when we've been out and I feel like a better mum. Ya know?


Monday - I usually spend pottering and tidying up the weekends mess. Pretty mundane tbh. I might start taking kids to the same group as Thursday as it's on daily. Just to get us out and into the swing of things.

Tuesday - ballet for toddler while I juggle baby in the other arm. Followed by stroll over the park (not play park) while baby naps in buggy. Home by 11.

Wednesday - Toddler Group for coffee and different toys plus singing at the end. 30min walk home. Home by 12.

Thursday - another group which do baking and crafts as well as the usual toys. Starts early and finishes just before 3 but will probably head out the same as previous days to be in a routine I think. Not sure when we'll leave.

Friday - DP finishes fairly early so thinking we'll stay in. Have a lazy day and aim to do some crafts but mostly play.

I will probably see a friend and her son on one of these days but other than that we generally will be home by 11.30-12 for lunch and then play and tidy for the rest of the afternoon before starting dinner. DD1 is fighting naps atm which is a struggle so hoping this routine will help.

Once the weekend hits I find any routine goes out the window. Anyone else like this? It does actually dampen my mood but I can't seem to get my arse into gear and out of my pyjamas for a couple of hours unless we have plans..

Oh and what do you do for YOU? Little things to big things. Mine atm seems to be tarting myself up and having lots of coffee breaks! I only have one close friend but we unload on each other when we need to and meet weekly. My mum lives far but we chat a couple of times a week. I don't feel lonely but I can feel bored. I'm thinking of introducing formula to baby so I can get back into going to a couple of fitness classes weekly. I walk everywhere as I can't drive but I need this tbh.

I'm rambling now but if you could let me know how you spend your days - hourly would be fab if you can be bothered - and what you do for you time and couple time.

Thanks all.

Caterina99 Thu 15-Dec-16 00:16:21

I only have one 18 month old but my days basically revolve around his meals and nap.

I mostly see other sahms with similar aged kids so we're all in the same boat. Generally most days it's activity (play group, play date, class, meeting someone) from around 9-11.30 and then home for lunch and nap. Then in the afternoon I usually have from 3-5ish to do stuff. Either more play date things, or general errands. Then dinner at 5.30 for DS and bed around 7ish. Weekends we are more flexible but usually try to plan stuff as much as we can so it fits with DS routine.

For me time my DS is a good sleeper so I usually get a 2 hour nap every day. Some of I use for housework, but I always take some time just to chill. On weekends DH and I take turns to let the other one have some time to do whatever they want. I also go out once a week on average once DS is in bed. Couple time we don't really go out together but hang out once DS is in bed.

I'd think with 2 under 2 just getting through the day is an accomplishment so I have more spare time as I just have the one!

ExtraPineappleExtraHam Thu 15-Dec-16 00:55:41

I have an 19 month year old and a one month year old. I find it really hard to actually leave the house with both. As with Sherry, I don't drive so I have to walk or get the bus everywhere which makes it harder to just 'go.'
I go to a toddler group on Tuesday morning with DD, it's my other half's day off so he stays home with DS so I can take her. I did take him once but it was awkward following her round and carrying him without waking him up.
I'm finding the boredom quite tough, I'm used to working three days as well as looking after a very spirited toddler. We used to go out everyday that I wasn't working, either to see friends or on day trips. There was something so liberating about throwing all our shit in the buggy and heading out to explore a new area or museum, just grabbing something to eat whilst we were out.
Now I'm so tired as DS doesn't sleep at night and wants to cluster feed from midnight until 3, waking up every hour after that. So when DD wakes me up at 8 I don't leap out of bed like I used to and it takes a few hours of Peppa and dozing before I get dressed. This means all the morning groups aren't really viable and I don't meet friends until after lunch, which means I feel like I've wasted most of the day.
I hope this gets better as I don't feel like I'm achieving much and also worry about DD watching too much telly and being under stimulated whilst I feed and change her brother every hour. Sorry to hijack your post to moan!

123bananas Thu 15-Dec-16 01:11:06

When I was last a SAHM with a 4 year old, 2 year old and baby it was:

School run, playgroup/park, home for midday, lunch, feed baby/put 2 year old for nap, cleaning/supermarket small shop/prepare part of dinner, afternoon school run, snack time, reading with dd1, prepare dinner, feed children around 5.30-6pm then bathtime/bedtime.

On Friday morning I would stay at home and get chores done and play with dd2 and ds. If I got half an hour to sit down with a cup of tea in the week I was lucky.

DH is now a SAHP with just ds at home in the day. He does playgroup two mornings, takes ds out to the park/walk two mornings around the school run. Afternoons he cleans whilst ds naps.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 15-Dec-16 08:06:32

extrapinapple it will definitely get better. DD2 was also a cluster feed and that settled about a month ago now. I
can't establish a feeding routine with her yet so can't plan my day around naps yet. DD1 was literally every two hours (through the night too!) but baby 2 I can't figure out. However it has definitely got easier and 9/10 when I have taken them out alone she hasn't screamed blue murder at me!

It will probably get even easier I hope once she can sit in the stroller and see the world.

Overall I promise that very quickly it will get easier.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 15-Dec-16 08:08:36

Thanks for other replies. Kids are hard work right and we should pat ourselves on the back more. I think I tend to look at what I'm not doing and should try and nip that in the bud.

Keep em coming smile

Scotinoz Thu 15-Dec-16 14:02:44

I have a just turned 3 year old and a 20mth old. Our week is roughly like this:

Monday - walk to the supermarket (whizz round for the week's groceries), followed by a Babycino (bribery for patience in supermarket) and the park on the way home.

Tuesday - messy play session

Wednesday - library/further afield park/hook up with friends/museum/soft play/something.

Thursday - playgroup

Friday - something from Tuesday's options

I always get out to do the above in the morning, organised and out by 0915/0930. Generally I'm home for half 12/1, either for lunch or the youngest to have a nap. Afternoons are pottering at home, out in the garden, playing with toys, bit of TV, bit of housework etc.

I've just always done it that way, from when my eldest was little. When the youngest was born she just fitted in.

I tidy/vacuum while husband is putting the children to bed, or when they're in bed if I'm on my own.

Weekends are a bit different since husband is home. But again, we tend to head out in the mornings.

I think routine is a really good, my two seem to thrive on it plus it helps with all the stuff at home etc.

thenewaveragebear1983 Thu 15-Dec-16 14:14:55

I don't have a set daily/weekly routine but I tend to have an alternate days in/out structure. Ie. Monday - stay in, do jobs, maybe go for short walk or in the garden for a bit; Tuesday- out with friends to soft play or park, then lunch out; weds we might have grandparents over for coffee and play; Thursday - out doing 'errands' , food shopping, Christmas shopping etc; Friday have friends over to play. The weekends do seem to go out of routine but then that's the nice things about them really. I need the weekly structure for me more than ds!
I have one at primary school so our days are mostly regulated by school drop off and pick up, once that's factored in, plus a sleep in the late morning, there isn't a huge amount of time left over.
As for doing things for me, I virtually never do. We sometimes go to a museum or similar but that won't last much longer as ds is now 14 months and wants quite rightly to do fun stuff and charge around, not sit in his pushchair for hours on end.

scrumptiouscrumpets Thu 15-Dec-16 19:22:06

DS 1 is 26 months and DS 2 is 3.5 months. Our days are very routine-y.

Mondays to Fridays: get up at 7 am. Get DS 1 to nursery for 8.45 am. I pick him up at 11.45 am. The three hours in between are spent doing housework, admin, feeding DS 2, food shopping etc. - Very boring.

We have lunch as soon as we get home, DS 1 naps from 1 to 3 pm. We go out for a walk or to the park from 3.30 to 5 pm. Bath time is around 6.30 pm, both DC are in bed by around 8.30, but it varies a bit.
At weekends we work around DS 1 's nap, we go out food shopping on Saturday mornings, the rest of the weekend is spent going for walks/to the park, stuff like that. We're usually too knackered to do anything exciting!

I don't find it difficult to get out of the house, I'd find it difficult to spend an entire day at home so can't really give you any tips on how to motivate yourself to get out. I'm generally happier doing something in the fresh air and the toddler goes bananas if we stay inside for too long!

I don't have any me time at the moment because DS 2 is a bottle refuser. I do go for a run occasionally with both of them in the pram which currently counts as me time!

purpleme12 Thu 15-Dec-16 21:08:42

I work 2 days so the rest of the days I'm with my 3 year old. On two days we go to playgroup in the morning. To be honest a lot of the time though we make our own entertainment. I don't have any time on my own as she's one of these who needs attention all the time and I've worked out how to get the best results from her by acting a certain way. So I'm always playing with her.

Other things we'll do when we have the mood/time/money- playground, walk to the ducks, get bus to other playground, swimming, museum, I try to find any free activities although these tend to be in the holidays and then mostly in the summer. We don't do massive things I just like to get out and do things.

ODog Thu 15-Dec-16 21:14:07

I have a 7mo and a 2.5yo. We generally do a toddler group/rhyme time/play date/park/shopping in the morning. Home for lunch and nap. Then playing at home/in the garden/chores in the afternoon.

This is very loose and flexible. We did nothing and stayed at home and played all day today as we have had a busy week and we were all tired.

Toddler has also just started pre-school one morning a week which I am using to get housework done and spend a bit of 1-1 time with baby.

purpleme12 Thu 15-Dec-16 21:43:46

Often I'll just try to walk round the estate , make that fun. She likes to go on her car down the small incline our street is on and scooter, play ball.

Soft play occasionally.

The only regular thing we do is playgroup. If I was full stay at home I'd see if there was more playgroups on the other days as well

Candlefairy101 Fri 16-Dec-16 07:33:42

Op I wish I could do all that you do!

I have
1 boy at school
1 toddler (2)
1 baby (10 months)

I have just moved house 2 months ago and can't get into a good routine not like I ever hand one But anyway!

My life works around school runs and naps sad the youngest two will nap at different times so I seem to be stuck in,

After the school run we get home and baby sleeps till 10.30, then toddler with go to sleep around 11.30-12, then baby will be back down sometime after so I get about an hour to clean or just sit with a coffee!

I have to make sure the youngest are up and feed before the school run at 3pm.

I've never really planned an activity after the school run especially that it's get so dark now.

I need to change my life! fsad

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Fri 16-Dec-16 12:22:38

candlefairy don't feel that way! You have sooo much to squeeze in! I'm surprised you get time to tidy and have coffee! I'm nervous for when baby's naps become a bit "routine" because my new years plans may possible become a shambles!

Maybe you could head straight to soft play once a week or something straight after the school run for a change of scenery? I've just been holding baby whilst at ballet and baby groups so toddler can do her thing and well the baby loves being held! And she so far has zonked out as soon as I put her in her pram... and she doesn't like prams! It is so difficult though right?! Especially in winter. Try and find groups which allow you to sit with baby but also have eyes on toddler and out of harms way. I found that helps me.

But honestly don't beat yourself up about it. As long as you're all happy that's what counts. I feel I need to take them out because as I said in my post I just become too distracted with home duties and having a cuppa after tidying that playing with them can become less frequent and tv sometimes takes over! This is why I needed to make a change. smile

Thanks for all other comments. Always very interesting to read and grateful for more!

JellyWitch Fri 16-Dec-16 12:29:34

I only have one weekday at home with the toddler: we do the school run, chuck at least 2 loads of laundry through and show the floors the hoover and the loo some bleach; pop out to shops/dentist/hairdresser/zoo/friends for an hour or so as necessary; if I am lucky then toddler naps. Then we do the schoolrun again; straight out to swimming; back for a quick tea; then bedtimes. Once the kids are asleep I clear some ironing and then run out to my exercise class.

Glitterous Fri 16-Dec-16 12:57:41

I'm pretty much the same as pp, although I only have the one 18 month old.

There are 3 activities we go to every week. Afternoons are generally pottering around at home, cleaning, cooking, cbeebies, messy play if I can be arsed with the extra tidying grin. There are a couple of afternoon playgroups where we live. Now dd has dropped down to one midday nap we've started going to them occasionally, however, they are both on the days where I have morning activities so not always practical if I have stuff to do. There are various softplays, garden centres, towns further afield that we visit every few weeks. I try to have a day out somewhere different every other week. Some days we just go and feed the ducks then sit in Costa for half hour.

Weekends very much vary, however, we try to get out the house by 10.30 otherwise dd turns into a demon. We do lots of walks. I tend to do a lot of the more time consuming chores/batch cooking at the weekend as DP can keep dd amused.

I am though reaching the point where I need to have more 'me time'. I've signed up for a beginners sewing course for the new year, planning on attending an exercise class near me and DP is going to start taking dd swimming on the weekends so I should have a couple of spare hours to myself.

NickyEds Fri 16-Dec-16 13:17:16

I have an almost three year old and a 17 month old (I'm a SAHM)and our weeks tend to go:
Monday- ds goes to pre school in the morning. I walk into town (about 30 minutes walk ish)with dd and feed the ducks/go to the library/sit in cafes/play park. Pick up ds and all home for nap 1-2.30/3 ish. I tend to cook during nap.
Tuesday- Toddler group in the the morning. Back home for naps
Wednesday- Long walk around the village and visit to our favourite cafe. Home for naps.
Thursday-Same as Monday
Friday- We do walk and ducks/play ground/library etc.

During the kids naps I cook, clean iron and mn. In the afternoons we do baking, crafts, long baths, themed days, duplo, massive train tracks and block building sessions, garden in summer, more crafts. Usually we have friends over one afternoon a week. Both of mine seem quite happy and I'm like a pig in the proverbial most of the time! Never focus on what you're not doing, that way madness lies!

My life is made immeasurably easier by having enough cash for coffees, having a few mates I can meet up with, pre school, great toddler groups and having two children- they play together now!

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Fri 16-Dec-16 14:03:51

Nickyeds you're week sounds ideal. I'm looking into getting DD1 into pre-school probably when she turns 3 and ideally find a nice one which is near a decent park and shops so can have fun 1-1 with DD2.

What do you mean by themed days? Is that like role play? I think I might start making a list of big play time sessions to do each day as that way I'll actually stick to them as they've been planned! It's nice that DD1 is at the age now where we can happily role play and both get enjoyment out of building things and drawings etc.

Like you and some other posters have mentioned I think I'm going to start doing the cooking when both are asleep. Although they both currently are which is rare and here I am on MN! Okay may just wait for DP to get home. He is always home before 5 which is ideal.

I agree it does help having that bit extra to take them to these groups as it does all add up! And have cash for coffee etc.

Thanks for the inspo!

NickyEds Fri 16-Dec-16 14:14:06

My ds has been a bit speech delayed (coming on great guns now though!)and it was something sort of recommended by the SALT. We have a Fish day, so I'll buy some fish stickers for the windows, make fish out of fun foam and take them to the bath, put down a big blue blanket and make boats /fish etc to go in the 'sea', watch a bit of Finding Nero. The we might have a robot day and make a robot with boxes etc. It came from having a sound bag to encourage him to make 'f' and 'ish' noises and we've sort of kept it up now he's talking. I like to have things planned sometimes.

The pre school has been fantastic. He went at just turned two for 2 mornings a week- they are £10 a session here so not very expensive but noticeable, worth every penny to have a bit of 1 to 1 time with dd though.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Fri 16-Dec-16 14:47:25

nickyeds Wow that sounds great! Definitely going to play around with that idea. Thank you.

Well I have been toying with the idea of taking her sooner than 3, just one day to start with probably. I'm nervous though as are all mums of course.

How did your son find it when you started taking him? And how long did you start him off on? Would love to head to town for a mooch and coffee with baby tbh as I used to do that when DD1 was small and loved it. Not so easy now she's older! I'd only be able to do this if I had 2 - 2.5 hrs but not sure if that's to long to start with? Have no idea tbh!

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

CottonSock Fri 16-Dec-16 14:56:31

I have a 3.5 and 5 month old. I can't stay home all day it would drive me mad. I have a timetable of pay as you go groups which i alternate. Also a weekly music class. Preschool and playgroup for older one. A lot of time on school run. Walk a lot with baby when its just two of us. I attempt to put washing away etc with their help to try and keep entertained. Cooking often done with baby in sling. I get groceries delivered, but sometimes take them to shops for something to do. Tv for after school often as shes shattered. Getting slightly easier to entertain baby whilst playing mega blocks etc. Luckily my dd a bit older so csn entertain herself a bit with colouring and sticking...although she would rather I join in. I like the idea of themed days, I did that once before baby and it was fun.

CottonSock Fri 16-Dec-16 14:57:25

Get her into a playgroup, she will love it and you your time with baby smile

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Fri 16-Dec-16 15:15:10

Definitely going to look into it cottonsock !

Do you take both children to music class?

Ballet is just for toddler but it is parent participation but somehow I have managed to do it so far with baby in one arm! I'm going to put her into sling when she can face out so have two spare hands but currently cannot as she hates being snug in my chest!

Anyway I did look into music class but after watching a video of one I couldn't see how I could manage it with both.. how do you do it?! Or is it easier now DC1 is older? Mine is at that age where she won't always happily sit when she's supposed to and it's difficult to chase after her with baby in tow! Thanks

NickyEds Fri 16-Dec-16 15:24:51

We started him off at one morning a week for a month then up to two mornings (sessions are 9.15 to 11.45 but he stays for lunch club so 12.15 pick up).He settled beautifully- I was worried as he'd only ever really been with me, dp or my sister but it was fine. Some of the staff said that SAHPs often worry but it's nearly always fine. I honestly don't think I realised I'd gone the first few times!

Scotinoz Fri 16-Dec-16 15:25:11

I used to do a music class with my eldest (then 17mths) and just dragged the newborn along. It was a dwaddle in the early days - baby would sleep or feed (and I could still shake a maraca with my spare hand), then as the little one got older, she just joined in i.e lay on the floor while I did stuff with toddler, or I had to hold two.

I figured I'd just give everything a go. If it went okay, brilliant, if it was a disaster then I found something else. I've found, other mums/class helpers/random people are generally helpful and understanding.

Picking the right class helps - the ones that need 100% parent supervision were too tricky. Gymnastics was too hard to manage with a baby in tow, but music/messy play/etc were fine 😊

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