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Help me work out when I can afford another baby?!

(18 Posts)
MYA2016 Thu 24-Nov-16 22:22:53

Okay so I know this may sound odd but it's really stressing me out.

I have a 10mo DS and start back at work 4 full days next week. He is going to nursery 3 full days and MIL 1 day.

We 100% want another baby and I was thinking leave an age gap of a couple of years.
Tonight I've been thinking more and more and I just don't understand how we'll be able to afford it!

Some sums -
Combined new wage of £3200 p/m after tax
Bills total (including childcare food fuel mortgage etc ) £2900 p/m
Leaving £300 spare a month

DS won't be entitled to 30 hours free childcare until April 2019.

I had it in my head that I could have a baby 9 months before this (July 2018 - therefore ttc late next year) however thinking about it surely this will mean the only way I can afford to do this will be pulling DS out of nursery while I'm on maternity leave?

Do people do this? As I wouldn't really want to, due to his routine, me having 2 days alone with new baby, losing his place there etc etc.

But on maternity leave our combined wage would go down to about £2300 so we wouldn't have enough to cover the bills!

I just don't understand how other people afford to do it I really don't :-(

Our outgoings are big but we live to our means and physically cannot cut back unless we move house (we only moved in last year just as I found out I was pregnant).

I know this probably seems like a ridiculous thread to some as I'm over thinking, but I just need to get it straight in my head what people do to survive. And WHY do only people on low / no incomes now get childcare free for 2 year olds.

This country sucks sometimes.

Afreshstartplease Thu 24-Nov-16 22:25:43

It's not childcare ....

lilydaisyrose Thu 24-Nov-16 22:26:09

I took my DD out of childcare when I was off on maternity leave with my DS (22 month gap) - only way we could do it.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Thu 24-Nov-16 22:33:31

2 children here. We afford it by them going to nursery 2 days per week and myself and DH working condensed hours.
We have no free family help and don't qualify for free early years education yet. Many nurseries do a sibling discount.
Look at what you can cut down on your outgoings. Are you on the best mortgage? Can you plan and batch cook to reduce the food bill? We do cheap UK holidays and buy second hand for some things for example.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Thu 24-Nov-16 22:35:03

Just to add - had both children at home when on maternity leave and shared parental leave.

minipie Thu 24-Nov-16 22:43:45

Yes of course most people pull their DC1 out of childcare when they have DC2. Or they have a 3 year+ age gap so the funded childcare has kicked in.

You are actually quite lucky in that (I presume) your DC1 could still have 1 day with MIL for free while you are on mat leave so you will get 1 day just with the baby.

If you have a big house and can't move then consider a lodger?

Costacoffeeplease Thu 24-Nov-16 22:43:49

You might be living within your means when you're both working, but not when you're on maternity leave

MYA2016 Thu 24-Nov-16 23:10:11

Okay thanks all for the responses. Yeah we are already cutting back on so much. A lot of his xmas stuff is 2nd hand and we are batch cooking and freezing all the time. Mortgage is fixed till next summer but at a good rate.
We desperately need a new roof as in tiles falling off weekly as it's 80 years old. So that's more money to we'll be down.

I sit and go through finances all the time as I get sick stressed. I would be better off working 5 days so I guess that's an option

Minipie - MIL unfortunately has terminal cancer so we're not sure how long this arrangement will be feasible anyway. And we have no other family help sad

minipie Fri 25-Nov-16 09:56:37

Ah I'm very sorry to hear that.

I have to say I think a 3yr age gap has a lot to recommend it. I had a 2.4 age gap and it would have been so much easier if DC1 had been nearer 3 - not only because of childcare but also by then they are less jealous, sleep better, potty trained, can do more by themselves. Is there a particular reason you want to go for a 2yr gap?

avocadosweet Fri 25-Nov-16 10:06:52

3 year age gap. I've kept eldest in nursery so she's still got a place when I go back to work but the bill halved when she got the free hours so it's manageable in the short term. Everything we buy is second hand.

campervan07 Fri 25-Nov-16 10:08:51

We started saving whatever we could to cover maternity leave from as soon as I went back to work from dc 1.

Childcare is a big cost obviously. We reduced nursery hours when I was on maternity leave but also built up a surplus of childcare vouchers by paying more in cash when we could afford it. My dc started getting free hours when I was a few months in to second maternity leave. Also some employers continue to fund your vouchers for you when on maternity leave but some don't so check that out as makes a big difference.

Do you claim child tax credits? I normally don't as we just exceed the thresholds but on maternity leave year, we do.

Also I couldn't afford to take a year off the second time so went back early.

Two kids in childcare is ridiculously expensive but we only had the issue for nine months. You probably need to look at that too.

AndNowItsSeven Fri 25-Nov-16 10:12:27

How much does your dh earn? One solution is you stop working and start trying for another baby straight away.

Gillian1980 Fri 25-Nov-16 19:22:48

We're waiting until dd is 3 and eligible for some free childcare.

Dh works full time, I work 3 days. No family to help so nursery is 3 days a week.

We scrimp and save and budget like mad and just manage to make ends meet. No way on earth that we could afford dc2 unfortunately. So the only thing we can do is wait...

But it'll be worth it 😊

blinkineckmum Fri 25-Nov-16 20:13:56

I had both at home. It was a big reason to have them close together. I loved it.

MYA2016 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:57:27

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone. It does make sense. I just couldn't get my head around the sums.

Some of my friends from antenatal are already pregnant with their second and I'd love that but it's just not going to work financially. I was previously the main earner, I'm now earning the same as dh on 4 days a week so we are heavily reliant on my wage too. So unfortunately not going back to work isn't an option and nor would be having them close together.

And with situation with MIL having cancer I already feel bad putting on her for the 1 day but she's adamant she wants to spend the time with him.

I guess a 3 year age gap it is sad

campervan07 Sat 26-Nov-16 12:43:19

A three year age gap is not bad. It is so useful being able to reason with them and they can occupy themselves a lot easier when you are feeding the baby or trying to get them to nap. They are also really funny and curious .

I love my three year old and it was a joy to have this time with him before he starts school. There are lots of positives of a three year gap.

IckleWicklePumperNickle Sat 26-Nov-16 13:03:47

That's why we have an eight year gap. It will be a rough few years until free hours kick in. The government might change things, so not bargaining on this. As we'll have full time nursery and breakfast Afterschool club to pay for when I go back. Can't afford not to go back full time either sad

FATEdestiny Sat 26-Nov-16 13:19:32

Do people do this? As I wouldn't really want to, due to his routine, me having 2 days alone with new baby

I know the idea of toddler + baby sounds stressful to a ftm, but its what happens in households all over the country (world).

Days "alone with the new baby" are wasted on first time mums, they really are. Once DC2 comes along it's never the same again.

The time with your first the only time you get that just you and baby. And if you're anything like me, you don't realise the value in that until you have a house full of children and cherish just a couple of hours you might snatch here and there just you and baby.

If you can afford childcare, fair enough. You will have 2 children though so my vote would go to just learning how to manage both.

Of maybe the time will come when older children are at preschool or school. Then you get parts of your day with just baby. But it's not the same as newborn days of being able to forget all housework and everything else and focus solely on baby 24/7. That will never happen again with subsequent children.

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