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NCT group didn't work out - anyone with similar experience?

(99 Posts)
MeBaby Tue 22-Nov-16 23:35:03

So my NCT group was a dismal failure. I signed up with high hopes of meeting my mum squad and women that would support each other through that sleep deprived newborn haze into how do I keep this little human alive and entertained phase and well beyond that. I was missold and hoped for friends that I would go on nights out with, have coffee with, play dates and superhero themed parties with. Possibly even the odd holiday.

None of this happened. Our group didn't mesh as a whole and no one in the group seems to fussed. Two of the girls have made a strong friendship which is great but us others just have a £300 odd hole in our pockets.

I feel like I've missed out on the NCT bandwagon and some life affirming friendships. I have worked hard to make good friends else where (using mush, baby groups, twitter and classes) and I'm going back to work soon but it's still bothering me!

Has anyone else had the same experience recently? Are your NCT friends what you hoped?

P.S. If you got on with your group and they are your mum squad please don't let me know on the post as it will make me feel worse! I am very happy for you tho x

Muddlingalongalone Tue 22-Nov-16 23:43:39

I wasn't expecting a "mum squad" but thought I'd meet a few new acquaintances but ended up on a strange course where there were only 2 other couples. 1 was a total know it all - didn't really see the point of her being there & the other went up to her mum's house in Newcastle for 3 months after the birth.
I gradually met people at baby groups though although we've drifted apart again since I went back to work - but I am shit at staying in contact with people anyway.
Some of the best new mum friendship groups I know of were actually the hv post natal 6 week courses. Unfortunately I missed out coz I had a crap hv who was changing areas but you might meet people that way??

Corialanusburt Tue 22-Nov-16 23:51:16

This was exactly what happened to me but it served me right for being a snob. I live in Salford and 10 years ago there was no NCT here, don't know if there is now. So I travelled to Bolton for NCT classes. No one became friends. Everyone was dull. There was some bloke who was obsessed with caravaning and would ask the course leader caravan related questions e.g. From what age can we take the baby caravaning. Also there was no indication given of how painful or difficult breastfeeding could be for some people. Consequently, I gave up after 2 awful weeks of trying.
I really should have gone to the free classes at the local hospital.

kittytom Tue 22-Nov-16 23:52:14

I didn't do NCT first time around and I was surprised how much it hurt to see so many happy groups of new mums picnicking in the park or having coffee or whatever. It made me feel lonelier than I had done previously. All I can say is I eventually found fab friends of my own accord so hang in there, just get out as much as you can. One great friend just asked me for my number after a nice chat at a playgroup. I worked too. Will you have any days off? If so try to find a regular group to go to (you may need to try a few). I preferred the drop in/drink coffee ones to classes. flowerswinecake

Corialanusburt Tue 22-Nov-16 23:53:38

My sister in The South made wonderful friendships with each of the 3 NCT groups age went to. Don't think she sees many of them now the children are older though.

CointreauVersial Tue 22-Nov-16 23:58:30

Does your local NCT branch run socials? So you get to meet others who aren't in your group?

(Have to say, DS is now 17, and I still meet up with my group, although it has dwindled to 1-2 times a year).

SueGeneris Tue 22-Nov-16 23:59:15

Yep. Happened to me. It is a bit crap, and lonely. I sympathise. I did the same as you trying different groups etc but didn't make any real friends until eldest dc started school and it's only now I feel less lonely as I know more people, though don't have a great social life tbh. Good thing the toddler is good company!

defineme Wed 23-Nov-16 00:02:34

Same here, but i the end i made friends at playgroups and still have them 14 years later. I think you have to keep going to as many things as possible and eventually you will find your people.

Jemimapuddingduck Wed 23-Nov-16 00:03:33

Yes me! I was just faffing over posting something similar!

I'm not middle class enough for my group which is horrendous they openly ignore me when I dare to go out to one of the arranged meet ups and on the whats app group we have set up sad

It's particularly tough as I have PND and could really use the support I kind of get the impression this makes them feel uncomfortable like they might catch something

I'm trying to make friends elsewhere at classes and baby groups but do feel like we wasted a lot of money! It makes me feel better knowing it's not just me and there maybe other mums out there feeling like the loner at baby massage

Mondegreens Wed 23-Nov-16 00:05:04

My group and I simply didn't like one another much, but to be fair, the chances of that must be high when all you've got in common is baby sick and recent caesarean scars. I was more angry at the 'teaching' of the course, which was old-school Cascade of Intervention stuff, with a socially-inept knitting hippy teacher who kept emailing round afterwards to see how 'natural' our births had been.

MintChocAddict Wed 23-Nov-16 00:15:27

I hadn't actually hadn't heard of NCT until a friend who lives in England asked about my NCT group! I just did the freebie NHS classes. Not sure it's such a big deal up here (Scotland) Waiting for hordes of Scottish Mnetters talking about their hundreds of NCT pals. Try not to let it worry you OP. Once your kids are up a bit they'll make their own friends and in turn you'll get to know their parents. Some you'll gel with, others you won't. In the meantime just chat casually to other parents in any baby/toddler situations you find yourself in. Don't try too hard and it'll probably happen.

sandgrown Wed 23-Nov-16 00:32:32

When my older two children were born over 30 years ago there were no baby groups in my area. My HV said they were thinking of starting a mother and toddler group and would I be interested. The HV came to the first few meetings and encouraged us to set up a committee and take over running the group. We went from strength to strength and had about 50 members. We organised child friendly and adult social activities. The girls from the committee are still great friends 36 years later. If you get any time off I would recommend trying local groups

CocoLoco87 Wed 23-Nov-16 00:52:50

My NCT group were fab and very supportive of each other in the first year. Frequent meet ups, lots of whatsapping etc. Then suddenly it all went downhill and we are rarely in touch. There is a clique of mums who meet but don't tell anyone. They just post about it on social media makes me feel like crap

NCT for me is overrated now. Friends from baby groups have proven to be much nicer and less snobby bitchy

Try not to stress about it. There are plenty of other avenues to pursue in friend-making smile

HeCantBeSerious Wed 23-Nov-16 01:21:18

I found my tribe at NCT. A fabulous bunch of people. We're still extremely close 8 years on - we holiday together every year plus meet ups every month - if not geographically.

There were 2 others in the group that have formed a close friendship with each other but sort of peeled off from the group.

ReallyTired Wed 23-Nov-16 01:38:05

I didn't make any friends through my nct group. I was the youngest by about ten years, lived in a different town and they all looked down on me. I found my friends through a local mother and toddler group.

You didn't waste your three hundred pounds. The nct provided you with classes with a much smaller ratio than the NHS. The nct classes were at a more convienent time of time and dads could come along. (Ds is nearly 15 and maybe NHS classes have improved.)

They discussed which were the best prep schools in Hertfordshire and one Dad made it clear that he thought my bump was secondary modern material.

No organisation can find you friends. There is an element of luck.

Chattycat78 Wed 23-Nov-16 03:46:22

Yeah it's really hard. I saw A fair bit of my Nct class in the first year of ds1s life, but then recently we moved and I ve had another baby (was the first one to Do this) so it's made it difficult to try to get to any of the meet ups.

I must admit, I'm attending lots of toddler groups but am finding it very hard to make new friends. I've moved to a small town where the mums seem to know each other very well and it's a bit cliquey- they obviously don't need to make any other friendships. As a result I feel quite lonely too - even though I'm still attending these things in the hope it might change....! It's also pretty hard getting out in the first place with a baby and a toddler oin tow!

Applesauce29 Wed 23-Nov-16 04:25:43

Similar experience. Half of my group moved and the other half didn't want to know within a couple of months of births. Total waste of money IMO!

Ohdearducks Wed 23-Nov-16 04:31:29

Wtf is NCT? I'm on my third baby and I've never heard of it? Why does it cost £300 to 'make friends' it sounds a bit cultish?

FanDabbyFloozy Wed 23-Nov-16 04:43:12

It was okay-ish. We did meet a lot in the 1st year or two, then it dwindled as people went back to work. A few left the area entirely. Overall, it was convenient to have a ready made group but once the kids started in nursery and school, it ended.

London being London, not one child went to the same school as another in the group.

BikeRunSki Wed 23-Nov-16 05:01:02

I had a similar experience. My group was very well off (one heiress to a household name big brand) and after a few weeks - once we got brave enough to go somewhere other than Costa Coffee - we could. I longer afford to keep up with them, and they were not interested in toning things down. I always felt like the odd one out, and rather uncomfortable, around them.

I made some very good friends at Surestart, and the village hall mum/baby group.

Alorsmum Wed 23-Nov-16 05:20:22

There was some bloke who was obsessed with caravaning and would ask the course leader caravan related questions e.g. From what age can we take the baby caravaning

Am crying at this

There were some weirdos in our group too. We met up a few times but were not my bosom buddies and I don't know anyone who had a tight group like that. I made friends in a baby group that was more local. Then I went back to work far more than they did and friendships fizzled out then moved house and had to make new friends. Ah well

HeadDreamer Wed 23-Nov-16 05:26:48

I didn't make friends in my NCT group. But I guess I'm like your other group member as I wasn't bothered. I did it because the NHS local ones aren't good and I can afford it. £300 is less than the price of a phone if you look at it another way.

HeadDreamer Wed 23-Nov-16 05:28:23

Didn't have heiresses in my group though grin just normal people.

waitingforsomething Wed 23-Nov-16 05:30:09

Similar experience although 3 of the 6 of the girls formed a strong bond (based on their attendance at the same private school chain) and are still friends 4 and a half years later.
I made my good friends at the first time mums group at the local children's centre - best thing I ever did. Wish I just went to the hospital classes.

SunnySideDownUp Wed 23-Nov-16 05:36:30

I was lucky with my group. Pre birth I didn't think we'd have much in common, but once babies came along we formed a good group.

I've also made friends with other mums though. I recommend attending local groups, and in particular ones that you have to sign up to a term for! That way you're seeing the same people week after week and the friendships form easily. I went to a weekly group and one of the kids from that is now dd's 'best' friend. It took initiative to suggest lunch/coffee in the local cafe afterwards week after week, but paid off.

Good luck!

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