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Non attendance at my child's 18th

(35 Posts)
user1479839219 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:04:33

Help! I don't know how to help my daughter. It was her 18th on Sat and the vast majority of her 'friends' failed to attend her party despite talking all week about how excited they were to be coming, what they were wearing etc. It would appear that this was planned and she only found out on the day of her party, I suppose for maximum effect and to ruin her day. She is devastated, so hurt and humiliated and she just doesn't understand why. Neither do I. She hadn't fallen out with them, she thought they were her best friends. She found out a few of them had instead planned to go to the Christmas markets in Manchester, just next to where her party was. I've known these girls and parents for years. Indeed I thought the girls come from good families; Drs, Lawyers and teachers so I know they have been raised better than this. My D now doesn't want to attend her college anymore but she's just sat the Oxford exam and has had great Uni offers already. She's so much to look forward to but she's just so upset by their cruel treatment she can't see it. They re no longer even looking at her at college let alone explaining themselves. I need advice on how to help my daughter recover from this. Has anyone any advice?

FanDabbyFloozy Tue 22-Nov-16 19:09:42

Is it possible they are jealous given her success?

Another option and please don't take this badly - could she have been boasting about her offers?

None of this excuses their behaviour of course. Are you friendly enough with any parent to ask them why?

Msqueen33 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:13:37

What a bunch of bitches! Has your dd mentioned uni offers? And have they take it as bragging? Or are they just jealous. They sound awful.

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 22-Nov-16 19:13:38

Your poor dd sad I think jealously is playing a part too sadly.
Has she got other friends she's close to

user1479839219 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:18:54

She's not mentioned either applying to Oxford or her offers. She knows enough to keep all that on the quiet. They do know she works hard at college and because of that gets good marks and is predicted to do well in her A levels.

TenThousandSpoons Tue 22-Nov-16 19:23:42

How awful sad At least she is in her final year and hopefully can look forward to finding kind friends at uni. I know that doesn't help in the meantime though.

HarrietSchulenberg Tue 22-Nov-16 19:24:03

By 'vast majority', how many are we talking in relation to the total number who did show up?

Kione Tue 22-Nov-16 19:28:03

They are doctors and lawyers daughter so they have been raised to be better that this?? Clearly not.
What a horrid comment. They are abviously snotty bitches.
Anyway, apart from this, thankfully your daughter is going to move on soon. Had she tried to ask why did they do it.

trentin Tue 22-Nov-16 19:31:36

Your poor DD. I can't believe that the girls would be so unkind. I am at a loss to know what to say. Have the girls done anything like this before? Have they been to her previous parties?

Has your DD got any other friends she could go for a nice day out with who are seperate from this group? She must be so miserable about it - I guess you need to do all you can to help her take her mind off of it and try to think about something positive.

There must be something going on but I'm guessing only your DD could find this out but maybe best not to try just now. I think she should steer clear of them for a while until whatever it is has calmed down. Any info on her social media.

RainbowHash Tue 22-Nov-16 19:31:37

That's awful, your poor daughter. I think I would be inclined to ask some of the parents (if I was quite friendly generally with them) if they know or understand what happened. Without being accusatory or angry though. Might help give some sort of closure?

You may also need to really work hard at convincing your daughter to hold her head high and go back to college to do what she needs to do for herself, and her future. Much as this must really hurt now there's no benefit it letting it effect her life negatively in the long term. I really do feel for her though 💐

FanDabbyFloozy Tue 22-Nov-16 19:32:07

Could they have got the wrong date? Happened to someone I know who turned up to a big party a day late and was never forgiven.

trentin Tue 22-Nov-16 19:33:32

sorry - meant to say can she work out anything from her social media about what might have happened.

wonderstuff Tue 22-Nov-16 19:34:09

You'd think by 17/18 they'd have grown out of behaviour like this! Could you approach their parents or the ask at school about friendship issues? At least she has uni to focus on, pretty nasty though, as an adult I'd be upset.

Amandahugandkisses Tue 22-Nov-16 19:37:01

That is awful.
Can your daughter think really hard as to why they have done this?
Just grabbing at straws is she seeing a boy someone liked?

user1479839219 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:38:50

What I should have said was they have lovely professional parents who have provided a loving stable home and I've known them all for years. I believe they would be appalled be their children's behaviour. You are right non professional such as myself can provide equally lovely stable homes. I'm very very upset and didn't mean anything by that comment.

sarahC40 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:39:13

Horrid behaviour...sounds like a right bitchy group. Very sorry that your daughter has this to face. Moving onto college, wherever she goes, sounds like it would be a brilliant escape from this so perhaps she needs to spend time looking forward to this focus. Could you speak to one member of the group to find out exactly who planned this?

Spadequeen Tue 22-Nov-16 19:39:23

Her best revenge will to be successful and go on and make proper new friends.

What a bunch of nasty little bitches. I bet there's one queen bee that got everyone to follow her by making some shit up.

Amandahugandkisses Tue 22-Nov-16 19:40:57

I'll honestly bet there's a guy involved and the queen bee is miffed.

Saltedcaramelbrownie Tue 22-Nov-16 19:41:27

I once had similar happen to me at school. The reason why I found it hard to get over was that my dm didn't really feel sympathy for me and blamed me for what happened as she thought I didn't have good social skills. So the best thing you can do is support your dd, let her know it's not her fault, and that you all love her the way she is. I'm sure she will make lots of new friends at uni which will help regain her confidence. I had the best time of my life when I had a new start at uni.

Kione Tue 22-Nov-16 19:45:59

If you know the parents and you think they will be appalled by this behavior, you should tell them.
Maybe that way you will find out why they did it too.

DiegeticMuch Tue 22-Nov-16 19:46:59

Awful behaviour. I'd ring one of the parents - not to interfere as if the girls were little children, but just to get to the bottom of it. I'd be concerned about any interpersonal nonsense affecting the remainder of her academic year, and would want to nip it in the bud. I'm really hoping that there was a mixup.

SuperPug Tue 22-Nov-16 19:49:18

What a horrible thing to do. Can you speak to your daughter's head of sixth form, to work out if there are any other issues?
Is it possible for your daughter to distance herself from them? I know your daughter is older but could it be worth speaking to parents as well.
In one post, you've said "she knows enough to keep this quiet" and there's no reason why she should. Just to not upset these girls?
I'm sure that this next time year those girls will be a distant memory for your daughter.

Cucumber5 Tue 22-Nov-16 19:51:57

I think you should text each parent individually and ask them what happened. Explain thaton mass they didn't turn up to the party and you wondered what had happened.

MrsBernardBlack Tue 22-Nov-16 19:55:47

If she feels up to it I think she should single out one of them, one she (used to) feel closest to, and go round to her house and challenge her to explain her behaviour - preferably at a time when she knows her parents will be there.

clumsyduck Tue 22-Nov-16 19:57:18

I find things like this awful it's bullying really if it was deliberate and there have been no obvious issues . Could ther possibly have been a falling out your dd didn't mention? Has she perhaps dropped out of other things ? Does she have a boyfriend who the friends see as taking her away so to speak??

Either way how awful for your daughter she must have been so excited and then let down !! I would text the parents

And just remind dd that with u I around the corner there is a whole load of new friends she's going to make and a load of new experiences to have .

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