Separated families at Christmas

(5 Posts)
AdviceNeededUrgently Tue 22-Nov-16 00:17:58

It's that time of year, christmas is looming, I can't bare the conversation about where the children are going to be.

I ended it 2.5yrs ago, we stayed in same house for a while so spent Christmas together still, I bought my own place and last year decided to offer to spend it together again for the sake of the children, he chose to spend it with us and he wanted it to be at mine, my parents even invited him for dinner with us etc.

Moving on, Iv met someone else, together about 11 months, very serious (him and his boy are moving in next year) he and his son will be spending Xmas at my house.

My ex has booked to take our children to Lapland mid dec. I feel gutted they're going (jealous I'm can't experience it with them) but know I can never afford to take them so deep down I'm glad they're getting the experience.

Now, am I being unfair to want the girls at mine Xmas eve/day if he's having the fun of 3 days in Lapland the week before? It's the first proper Christmas where we are having to do it separate.

What do other people do?

It's killing me inside just thinking about them not being here but I fully appreciate it's not a good thought for him either.

Lake2 Tue 22-Nov-16 12:55:24

As they are going to Lapland, I would and if he's ok with you having them Xmas eve and most of Xmas day.
If he lives close, could you not suggest he has then Xmas eve day time till say, 4ish, and then collect then similar time Xmas day so he gets to spend Xmas night with them and Boxing Day?

DiegeticMuch Tue 22-Nov-16 19:54:48

They will have had Lapland with him, an amazing experience for them and him. I therefore think it's ok for you to want to have them with you on Christmas Eve/Day.

Maybe he could pick them up on Christmas Day at 6pm and keep them with him until 27th? You could try to be busy with your partner and stepson when they're absent.

You've both handled the separation amicably it seems. Lucky kids.

AdviceNeededUrgently Tue 22-Nov-16 21:13:02

Should we alternate each year going forwards then? He's not the best dad but he tries hard. We've had a rough year / I had to withdraw contact for 2 months due to drug issues but we are getting back on track slowly.

Do other separate families alternate Christmas? Is that the norm? I hate that one year they won't be waking up with me but I guess it works both ways, least I can focus on my stepson when the girls are at their dads. X

Chasingsquirrels Tue 22-Nov-16 21:17:43

We split all holidays 50/50.
The exact split over Christmas depends how the days fall in the school holidays, but we always alternate the day itself and they always go to the other parents house about 10am on Boxing day.
Now separated 8 years, tbh I prefer having them Boxing day onwards as I then get them home for a few days afterwards instead of going off for a few days when I'm off work anyway.

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