How can I help my painfully shy 13 year old

(4 Posts)
MistressPoldark Fri 18-Nov-16 19:07:34

She's home educated, but that's not the cause of her shyness. She's been like this since she was born and her younger sisters are nothing like it, so it's not the home education that's the issue. I've only said that as I think people may suggest it is, so wanted to pre-empt it! But also, to explain that she's not ever really forced into social situations that she feels sick with discomfort about. I do not believe that that is the answer - I know too many painfully shy adults who were forced into social situations as children and it hasn't made a blind bit of difference to how they feel.

The issue is that it is stopping her from doing things she really wants to do. She tries to go along to the first session of a group she's really, really keen on doing. We prepare her - give her tools to cope with the shyness. We talk to the leaders of the group about allowing her just to sit and watch for the first few sessions, which works sometimes.

But, today, she was really happy for me to leave her at the first session of a thing - the adults were friendly and she was given a 'buddy' who seemed lovely. But she texted me only 25 minutes in asking me to pick her up, saying she felt physically sick with nerves and just wanted to come home. Which we've done.

I just feel really sad for her that her shyness is stopping her doing things she really wants to do and I'm wondering if I'm missing something here. If there's anything else we could be doing to help her. Sometimes she can be bursting with confidence - she's been in plays on stage! Others, her shyness just overwhelms her completely.

purpleme12 Sat 19-Nov-16 00:51:13

This sounds more like anxiety to me than shyness. I'm sorry I don't really have any tips but I think it would help if you looked at it as anxiety as I think this is more than shyness. Maybe someone will have more tips to help you

ToujeoQueen Sat 19-Nov-16 00:56:15

Sounds more like social anxiety rather than shyness.

isittimeforarainbow Sat 19-Nov-16 21:58:24

Yes it does sound like anxiety. Have you considered a childhood counsellor?

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