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Daughter grounded but it's her best friend birthday ?! !

(36 Posts)
Lhigham Sun 13-Nov-16 11:21:50

I have grounded my daughter for a month with no phone and she has accepted it as a punishment. She had a party at my house while I was out so in big trouble. The last week of the grounding is her best friend's birthday party meal. Meal and sleepover! Should she still miss them or just do the meal, not sleepover?! Finding it hard to stay strong!

Friendinneed2016 Sun 13-Nov-16 11:26:24

I would let her go. It's not her friends fault.

Maverickismywingman Sun 13-Nov-16 11:27:43

I would let her go. But be clear it's on probationary terms.

FlowerOfTheValley Sun 13-Nov-16 11:28:23

I would let her go too and just extend the grounding a few days instead.

Mungobungo Sun 13-Nov-16 11:29:27

It depends what kind of message that you want to send.

A) that her actions have consequences and she misses enjoyable things because fb her behaviour

Or

B) that it doesn't matter what she does because she'll be grounded in name only but allowed to do special things like go to birthday parties.

My personal opinion is that grounded means grounded, no matter what events have been planned. It may not be a popular opinion but mine is that if you don't set ground rules and stand firm, kids will walk all over you and do whatever they want, especially if there are no repercussions or they know that you won't follow through on a warning.

Mungobungo Sun 13-Nov-16 11:31:38

And no, it's not her friend's fault, but the DD should realise that her actions then have a knock on effect on those around her. That's life. Actions have consequences and it's a lesson in respect and boundaries that she needs to learn imo

ThatsWotSheSaid Sun 13-Nov-16 11:33:22

I'd let her go. She's not going to suddenly realise the error of her ways because you make her miss out. I think a bit of flexibility is okay in this situation. But I'd really make sure she understands why you are very upset with her.

TyneTeas Sun 13-Nov-16 11:34:28

If it is right at the end of the set period of the grounding I may be swayed towards some time off for good behaviour if she is genuinely remorseful and has accepted the consequences

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 13-Nov-16 11:43:13

How good has she been during the grounding?
Does she accept that what she did was wrong?
Has she offered a real apology, or something similar?
Was the purpose just to punish or to rehabilitate?

As tyneteas posted is she genuinely remorse full?

DramaInPyjamas Sun 13-Nov-16 11:44:01

I'd let her go, but add some extra chores in on the last week to make up for it.

MyWineTime Sun 13-Nov-16 11:49:06

If it's the end of the grounding period and she has accepted the punishment up to then, then I would let her go with a warning.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 13-Nov-16 11:50:17

Let her go.

LIZS Sun 13-Nov-16 11:50:29

How old are they? Was friend at this party by any chance, I wouldn't be so sure of her innocence if so. She needs to behave exemplary in the meantime and I wouldn't allow the sleepover if she's grounded.

RJnomore1 Sun 13-Nov-16 11:57:34

I'd do meal not sleepover

MrsJayy Sun 13-Nov-16 12:11:05

I was all a grounding is a grounding when mine were younger but if a birthday came up then i let them go no sleepovers though

Lhigham Sun 13-Nov-16 12:12:20

Thanks everyone. I think she is really really sorry genuinely for what she did. She had already missed loads of things due to the grounding so I think she is getting the message. I agree it's not her friend's fault which is why I was torn. I think I will let her do the meal but no sleepover, that way she is still aware her actions had consequences.

ticklemyonewhisker Sun 13-Nov-16 12:14:00

Grounding means grounding. No parties.

MrsJayy Sun 13-Nov-16 12:19:16

A month is a long time in teen years its a lifetime think the most i grounded for was a fortnight you are a hard mummy grin

GinIsIn Sun 13-Nov-16 12:21:19

I wouldn't let her go - if that's the punishment you have given then that should be what the punishment is!

user1471950254 Sun 13-Nov-16 12:23:19

As the rest of the month she's being punished I would make an exception stating it's for the friend's benefit. I remember being grounded at 18 & missing my friend's 18th party shock despite begging my parents to make an exception to that ad it was a big function. I not only missed out but had the guilt of letting her down too. 20 years later I'm still gutted when it comes up in conversation (rarely but still!)

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 13-Nov-16 13:15:51

Lhigham, that sounds like a plan.
Do have a word before she goes, re time keeping !

MrsJayy Sun 13-Nov-16 13:45:37

I was grounded at 17/18 i was bloody working full time and grounded they were ridiculously strict not with my younger sister though she could do no wrong <bitter>

MrsJayy Sun 13-Nov-16 13:47:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy Sun 13-Nov-16 13:48:12

Urm ermm wrong thread blush

Ginslinger Sun 13-Nov-16 13:56:40

I'm another who thinks grounding is grounding <mean>

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