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Feeling guilty...

(31 Posts)
sammyjayneex Thu 10-Nov-16 10:29:43

So I was taking my 4 year old to class and I was stood at front of the class with my baby but my daughter couldn't find her name so turned around to scan the tables for her name and next thing I knew I turn back to baby and this other kid was looking inside my babies pram and her father was holding my babies pram, I grabbed my pram back and he walked off and don't say nothing I don't think he could even speak English. Now I'm really anxious that he could have Done something and anxiety is through the roof. Tried getting reassurance from my husband he has called me a thick arsehole and I should have used my brain proper. It's normally him that takes her in the morning and I pick her up in evening but he couldn't take her this morning so I had to. I'm so worried now, it's ruined my whole day.

Orsono Thu 10-Nov-16 12:47:51

I think your anxiety is the problem here. Everything is fine, I'm sure the child and man were just looking at the baby, kids are fascinated by babies at that age. You didn't do anything wrong. Your husband shouldn't have called you that though, that's just horrible.

Wolfiefan Thu 10-Nov-16 12:49:42

Do you mean you were scared he did something and you didn't see? Or that he could have gone on to do something?
TBH I agree it's your anxiety speaking here. Most likely scenario is the child went to look in the pram and the father put his hand on the pram to stop child moving or tipping the pram over.

Underchipsandpeas Thu 10-Nov-16 12:50:50

You really, really need to see a doctor.

sammyjayneex Thu 10-Nov-16 13:37:13

Wolfiefan yes I am worried he did something and I didn't see. I've been put on tablets previously for anxiety but I've not started taking them because I'm breastfeeding him and don't want anything going to his milk. I've not told the doctor exactly how bad my anxiety is though. It's horrible. I don't trust people very well and I always see everyone as bad and out to doing something bad and I know that's not always good

SpeakNoWords Thu 10-Nov-16 13:57:24

It's the anxiety that's escalating, I'm sorry that you're suffering with it. Can you go to your GP and explain, and talk to them about the breastfeeding issue. There are drugs you can take that are compatible with breastfeeding, many women do. Your GP is really there to help you, please try and trust them to do so.

Sadly, you also have a problem with your husband. No one should speak to you like like, let alone someone who is supposed to love you. I'm sorry that you have to put up with that kind of emotional abuse as well as your anxiety. You could contact Women's Aid who you can talk to about it.

Hope your anxiety is beginning to settle. flowers

sammyjayneex Thu 10-Nov-16 16:05:09

I actually think the pram was moved from where it initially was. Why can't people just mind their own business and leave other people's babies alone. Panicking mown

SpeakNoWords Thu 10-Nov-16 16:11:10

He might have moved the pram, but that's not a problem. Perhaps his child pushed it by accident and he was moving it back or it was in his way so he moved it. Your anxiety is making you seek out the worst possible motivations rather than the likely ones.

Focus on the fact that your anxiety is the issue and see if you can go back to your GP and explain exactly how bad it is. Tell them that you haven't felt able to take the medication that was prescribed and ask for more help.

ChocolateBudgeCake Thu 10-Nov-16 16:26:28

Go to the doctor , even if it means you have to stop breastfeeding. Your mental health must come first.

Also you need to think seriously about leaving your nasty 'D'H.

corythatwas Thu 10-Nov-16 18:29:17

What could he have "done" to your baby in a public space while you turned away for a minute or two?

If you can manage to get help from your doctor you will be in a far better place to actually keep your dc safe (as opposed to imagining dangers).

I remember once grabbing a toddler by the arm just before he jumped into the oncoming traffic. His mother who came running up behind him glared at me as if I was the source of all evils- her mind was so clogged up with fears of "stranger danger" that she couldn't see that her lo would actually have been dead if it hadn't been for a stranger touching him. Sometimes, other people are the rescuers, the ones without whom our children would not be safe.

You need to get your fears under control, both because it is clogging your own mind and because you need to be able to bring your dc up without transferring it to them. To stay safe, they need to learn the difference between real danger and non-danger.

I gave up breast-feeding my youngest at quite an early stage because my GP pointed out that the state of exhaustion I was in due to badly controlled blood pressure/anxiety actually made me a less safe parent. He is now a big teenager in excellent health- and I am so glad that I got the help I needed to enjoy those early years, not just stumbling through them in a fog of misery.

sammyjayneex Thu 10-Nov-16 20:38:50


I don't know what he could have done I just find it odd he was holding the pram like that . It wasn't in anyone's way at all either

Underchipsandpeas Thu 10-Nov-16 20:42:34

OP sweetheart what response did you expect? Did you think there would be lots of posts about how you're right to worry, what an odd thing to happen, etc?

The problem is your anxiety. Please, for the sake of everyone around you go to the doctors and get it under control.

SpeakNoWords Thu 10-Nov-16 20:43:30

It really doesn't matter why he was holding the pram. The explanation will totally innocent and reasonable. You are focussing on the situation because of your anxiety. It's making you worry about something that is not an issue. Do you think you could go back to your GP?

missyB1 Thu 10-Nov-16 20:50:19

Please go to you it GP or Health visitor, tell them about your anxiety but also tell them about your abusive partner.

Dixiechick17 Thu 10-Nov-16 22:45:12

I've just started Cognitive Behavioural therapy due to anxiety and my ability to catastrophise every situation and think the worst will happen no matter how unlikely it is. Definitely worth speaking to your GP to see if you can get an urgent referral, my DH doesn't really understand anxiety or the ridiculous levels my brain wanders to, but if he spoke to me like that I would be having serious words with him. If he knows you're an anxious person that is incredibly nasty and unsupportive.

Wolfiefan Thu 10-Nov-16 23:44:47

You need to see your GP and be honest about your anxiety. You also need to explain that you haven't taken the pills. If you tell GP you are BF they shouldn't prescribe anything that's unsuitable.

sammyjayneex Fri 11-Nov-16 17:24:06

I know my anxiety is a problem but just can't get over why he would hold the pram like that. It's ruined my whole weekend.

Trooperslane Fri 11-Nov-16 17:31:30

Not sure what you're taking but I breastfed on citalopram. It can be done. Though remember you dont HAVE to.

And I'm sure your dick head husband is helping to keep your anxiety going.

Look after yourself.

sammyjayneex Fri 11-Nov-16 19:43:14


That's the medication I've had prescribed to me. I want to take it, try it out and see how it will help me. What is it like when you first start taking it, as people say it makes you feel worse at first? And has it not affected your breast milk too much? My doctor suggested to stop breastfeeding to take it but my baby is only 5 and a half months and I don't want to stop just yet. Maybe when he's about 8 months I'll stop breastfeeding but I think it's too soon to stop breastfeeding yet as baby likes his milk.

CakeRattleandRoll Sat 12-Nov-16 08:46:00

I developed that type of anxiety, catastrophising everything, when I was pregnant with DS. It got so bad, I had to give up driving and it was starting to cause depression too.

My obstetrician put me on sertraline (zoloft) in my second trimester and I have been on it since then - through the rest of that pregnancy and the whole of another one. I have bf both children, DS till he was 12 months old, DD till she was 20 months old.

Please do speak to a medical professional. Anxiety is such a horrible thing, don't let it spoil the happiness you should be experiencing with your DC.

Mindfields Sat 12-Nov-16 16:49:40

I grabbed my pram back and he walked off and don't say nothing I don't think he could even speak English

Oh fuck off with your bigotry. That has nothing to do with anxiety.

Bedsheets4knickers Sat 12-Nov-16 16:59:32

He was probably watching the baby incase his child tried to touch the baby .
Op I think you was quite rude tbh . I agree go and see your doctor

sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 18:07:52

Your comment was very harsh with the way I'm feeling at the moment. What I meant by that is any polite person wouldn't have touched my pram and moved it and then just walked off and not even spoke to me. If your. If you not going to communicate with the babies mother why go other and think you can move someone else's baby when the mother isn't looking and yes it has made me very anxious actually, I've not stopped thinking about it all weekend and worried about what he may have done whilst back was turned. You've obviously never suffered anxiety or depression before then

SpeakNoWords Sat 12-Nov-16 18:10:09

Will you go back to your GP on Monday? You really need help to manage this anxiety.

Mindfields Sat 12-Nov-16 19:16:59

No, it wasn't harsh imo. Also, no you didn't mean "any polite person wouldn't have touched my pram and moved it and then just walked off and not even spoke to me". You clearly made reference to his presumed inability to speak English.

What exactly did you think he had done to the baby in the few seconds he was by your pram?

Yes I have personal experience of anxiety and depression and guess what - I took the medication prescribed by my GP, unlike you. (I've committed the cardinal sin of AS'ing your posts after your earlier thread complaining about your partner.)

You clearly have a LOT of issues yet have absolutely no intention of dealing with them.

You say baby #5 was 'unplanned' yet you stopped taking the pill in Feb last year and had unprotected sex for months until you finally fell pregnant 6 or 7 months later. In those 6-7 months you posted a number of threads asking 'could I be pregnant?' but made no attempt to use contraception.

Stop seeking sympathy on MN and start taking the advice/medication offered by your GP, if not for your sake then for the sake of your children.

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