Constantly being made to feel guilty over breastfeeding

(12 Posts)
butterfly92 Mon 07-Nov-16 18:02:08

My oh is 100% for breastfeeding he is against formula because it is synthetic and breast is best. I have always decided to bottle feed but gave BF a go because of him. However it was traumatic because my milk didnt come in til day 4, he was unable to latch on well due to his jaw and so i had no choice but to feed formula which to he honest what I prefer! I expressed my milk a few times but my baby has colic and just didnt have the time so i decided to stop. Now all i get from my oh is you need to give him breast milk, try breastfeeding him again, why arent you giving him breastmilk, oh look see it says here breast is best but you arent doing it are you... shocksad i told him to stfu about it now just SHUT UP!! why is he making me feel guilty for it!!

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Mon 07-Nov-16 18:06:04

Tell him to breastfeed the baby. I'm sure if he try's hard enough he could lactate. Or maybe he could source and pay for human milk from another source? Oh no, he doesn't actually care that much about the baby getting breastmilk, he's just trying to make you feel shit.

ErrolTheDragon Mon 07-Nov-16 18:09:13

It's not him who has to do it, is it?

It just doesn't work out for everyone, ultimately you have to do what's right for you. What will be best for you all at this point is for him to stop hassling you and let you relax and enjoy your baby.

flowers

Kel1234 Mon 07-Nov-16 18:17:43

I think he is being extremely selfish about this. He should try to support the effort you have made, and accept when you say you would prefer to formula feed. I assume he is aware of how difficult it has been for you? If so you should say to him "you know how hard it has been for me, how hard I've tried to bf/ express. It isn't always possible for everyone, and by no means am I a bad mother or any less of a woman for not bf".
I knew I didn't want to bf or express. And my dh supported that decision. Plenty of babies are fully or party ff and they are just as healthy as bf babies.
It sounds like he isn't being supportive of you at all.

Kel1234 Mon 07-Nov-16 18:17:59

I think he is being extremely selfish about this. He should try to support the effort you have made, and accept when you say you would prefer to formula feed. I assume he is aware of how difficult it has been for you? If so you should say to him "you know how hard it has been for me, how hard I've tried to bf/ express. It isn't always possible for everyone, and by no means am I a bad mother or any less of a woman for not bf".
I knew I didn't want to bf or express. And my dh supported that decision. Plenty of babies are fully or party ff and they are just as healthy as bf babies.
It sounds like he isn't being supportive of you at all.

Whizzlepuff Mon 07-Nov-16 18:20:06

Check out the Fearless Formula Feeder site for a bit of moral support. Last thing you need is a partner giving you a hard time about it on top of all the other guilt-inducing propaganda. Your sanity is more important - along with the subsequent years and years of parenting you'll be doing!

Here's an article you might be interested in: www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

Chrisinthemorning Mon 07-Nov-16 18:21:25

He's an idiot. How horrible of him. Nothing to feel guilty about, yur baby will be completely fine and healthy on formula.
Do you think he's a bit lazy and wants the excuse to put lots of baby care on you? I've noticed some (not all) very pro bf dads are really pro "mummy does all the work".

Mouthofmisery Mon 07-Nov-16 18:22:36

I was desperate to bf and couldn't get on with it. My DH begged me to stop but I wouldn't. We are due another next year and he says it's up to me but wants us to be ready with formula etc . To be honest if he gave me any shit about NOT doing it I would make his life very difficult. He would be an arse to say anything that is not in the mothers best interest. Try telling your OH that actually breast may be highly recommended but actually FED IS BEST. What a twat. Sorry he is behaving so poorly.

greatbigwho Mon 07-Nov-16 18:23:35

I had issues in the beginning with breastfeeding and had a lactation support midwife come out to see me and help. The first thing she said was "yes, breast is best - except when it's not".

I am a huge breastfeeding advocate, and think that every woman should be given enough support to have a go and solve any issues - if they want to. If that's what works for them and their family situation. You've had a go and it's not working for you. It doesn't matter what your husband thinks, you're doing the best you can for your child and yourself.

Formula isn't poison, and your child will be fine. Better than fine.

Matchingbluesocks Mon 07-Nov-16 18:23:39

This is hard because it must be difficult for men who feel strongly about something like this to feel they have any power at all (ultimately they don't, but you know what I mean) the best way for him to help would've been to get you some help when you did want to try (it's not unusual at all for milk to come in on day 4 and you probably would've been fine with some specialist help from a BF clinic or your visiting midwife- if of course, you'd wanted to do it)

It doesn't excuse him making you feel guilty but you can see why he might want to encourage it

Mungobungo Mon 07-Nov-16 18:33:54

"Try telling your OH that actually breast may be highly recommended but actually FED IS BEST."

^ THIS!!!

Don't feel guilty for feeding your child and making a decision that it right for you and your sanity. If DH has such an issue, he can pay for donor milk. Tell him to stop being a knob. No tits, no opinion!

Heirhelp Tue 08-Nov-16 15:19:55

He is not being helpful. Can you get the Hv/GP to speak to him.

I was desperate to breast feed but really struggled (EMCS, baby had tt and was still rubbish at feeding even after correction, major infection with spesis which reduced my supply) health professionals telling me to think about stopping. My DH wanted me to stop but he would never say that to me as he knew it hAd to be my decision. After starting ff I became a much better Mum. Bring a Mum so much more than a milk supply.

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