This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Leaving the baby - does this make me weird?(137 Posts)
I have a DD who is nearly 5, and a DS who is 11 days old.
This morning DD and I went to the cinema with friends, so we were out for about 3 hours. DS was at home with DH; he is FF, which I know does make a difference. I can honestly say I never really thought about DS and DH while I was out. It was lovely to spend time with DD.
Reading MN about leaving babies, most people seem to say they could barely leave theirs for an hour when they were weeks old. I'm wondering now if it's weird I was so happy to leave a newborn?
I think being your second makes a big difference. That and the fact you were with dd.
I think it's quite sad that at 11 days old you didn't even think about whilst away from him tbh.
Not weird OP no.
You dont love your child less you were just enjoying your other child for a few hours.
It was 3 hours not 3 days.
I think its sad that women are judged for not thinking of the newborn every second of the day Twist.
Not weird no!! I think pretty healthy! X
No, I don't think it's weird and it was probably nice for your daughter. But it's not something I would have done tbh.
I did the same. I have an eight year gap between my two and it was nice spend time with my eldest. Dh was/is more than capable of looking after them.
Everyone's different so leaving him at this isn't weird in itself. If he didn't cross your mind at any point then I find that a bit odd. My dd is 2 and I think about her most of the time when I'm away from her.
My DD is a nearly 3 months old and she's gone to my parents (just round the corner) for a few hours each week while DH is at work and I take a long bath eat a nice lunch.
My DD is loved and cared for by my parents and I am sure your baby was perfectly safe with its dad/ your DH
You are not weird. Just because your a Mum doesn't mean you have to be with all your DC 24 hours a day.
I think the capability of the DH or OH makes a big difference too.
Your not weird. Your child would of been loved and cared for by its father and I think that bond is Important too, it's good to give dad and baby alone time
With all of my DC at a few days old they stayed with DH for a few hours when I went out with friends. Then I return to work full time when they was 12 weeks old and they attended nursery full time
I don't know why other Mums have to judge, if you wouldn't of done it fair enough but that doesn't make it weird if another mother chooses to do it.
As it's uour second, the baby was with uour husband and uou were with uour daughter I think there is nothing weird here at all. You clearly trust your husband and knew uour child was safe.
I think it's strange, I haven't left my 6 month old yet but I'm sure plenty of people would find that odd! Everyone is different. I couldn't do it. I also have an older child.
It's not weird. Your child was safe and cared for by his Dad
Since both of my DC were born they have either a few hours or a night with mil each week and me and dh go out for a meal/film etc.
I often go out with friends or just take one child and leave the other with DH, if my DH wasn't capable of looking after our children alone I wouldn't of had children with him. And a dad and child is just as important as the mother bond.
Some people do Judge on this subject and I just can't understand it. If you don't want to leave your child that is ok but if you do want to go out without a child that is also ok
11 days is pretty early but if you are comfortable with it then its fine.
I quite often leave my 5 month old with DH while I do the nursery run as baby hates the car. I've also taken DS1 to the cinema and things and me and DH went for lunch while my Mum looked after the kids.
I did turn down the chance to spend a whole day away from him recently as I would miss him too much and I wouldn't spend the night apart but that's just a personal thing. It's up to you really and if you feel ok then do it!
I'm sure I probably did think of him at some point, but tbh I was enjoying spending time alone with DD, which I've also missed during an ill pregnancy and then having a newborn.
I certainly don't think about DD all the time when I'm not with her and she has been at nursery or school. Are we supposed to?
My DS is 16 months old and I'm a sahm so with him pretty much all day every day. I do NOT think about him all the time when I get my rare bouts of freedom! I may think it's lunch time hope he ate all his food, or hope he's taking a good nap, but often I don't think about him for hours.
I happily left him for a few hours at a time from a young age. I think it's healthy for me and also good for DH/my parents/inlaws to get used to dealing with him without me. not weird at all if all parties are happy about the arrangement.
Tbh I wouldn't have found it stranger that I could leave my baby at this age than that dh could leave him - as he did and jolly well had to. We were both the parents, we had both bonded with the baby, we were both closely involved in the care.
As for you, you were with your other child- who also needs your 1:1 attention from time to time. What you did was a lovely thing- and it was about parenting. If you didn't spend your time thinking about him, that was no doubt because you were focusing on your dd- which is just what she needs at this time.
Colour me weird too
Well done on etting some time with your dd. That is very important. A newborn baby can be cared for by anyone and he was with his dad so big bonus there.
Not weird at im all glad you enjoyed your time with your eldest. Your youngest was being looked after by his Dad not some random off the street!
I bet it was nice for your dh to spend that 1 on 1 time with his son and your daughter to have some 1 on 1 time with her mum after what I assume will of been a hectic and probably unsettling couple of weeks. X
Yes, that was my hope too - DD has had an unsettled few weeks and she needed some quality time. I suppose I was thinking about it because it seems so common to not be able to leave newborns, whereas I'm finding it harder to not spend as much time with DD
Normal. I've dont the same. Many times. TBH I find the prevailing opposite view of mumsnet baffling.
Not weird at all. Ds was about 2 weeks old when DP took him out for a few hours whilst I had some sleep. DP is more than capable of caring for our child and really enjoys his time when it's just the two of them alone.
DS is 18 weeks now and had his first overnight at the in laws and whilst I obviously missed him it was lovely to be able to sleep without any interruption. Plus mil really loves having him.
I find it weird in a 'so different from my own experience that I have to put some effort into imagining it' way, but not in a 'you are a freak and a terrible patent' way. I breastfed, which probably makes a big difference - at 11 days with both of mine I was spending most of the day stripped to the waist doing skin to skin.
As you say though, your baby is FF and that does make a massive difference. At 11 days I spent most of the time topless and worrying about feeding. That doesn't mean you are weird though, or indeed that I was! Would have been lovely for your dd to have your undivided attention too.