Calling mums of more than one child. ...!(43 Posts)
What's a good age gap between no. 1 and no. 2? After your experience? The closer the better? Or do you like a bit of a gap? What do your think?
Mine are 23 months apart and I feel thats a great age gap (Although my youngest is young for his age). They play together, enjoy the same sort of daytrips ans activities, yet the age gap is big enough for my oldest to be protective over her "little" brother
Mine 26 months apart wish I'd waited until 1st born was into his 3s . He was easy my second was alot more demanding and he was still very little . Wish I could of given him another year .. imo theirs no right or wrong it all depends on what you get x
I think 2 school years difference. Close enough in age to be friends, but far enough apart that they're not competing against each other. It's also the most common age gap judging by the number of children in my DSs' classes who have siblings 2 years up or down at school.
There are pros and cons with big age gaps and small age gaps.
The disadvantage of 2 school years is the tenseness at public exams time!
there's a lot of advantage to going through 'stages' together when they are close in age, but then there are a lot of advantages to having a much older child who can help out a lot more / is a lot more independent.
Some think it's better to have them close and get all the sleepness night / feeling exhausted / having to take baby equipment wherever you go all over in one go, rather than getting used to a full nights sleep again and dreading the thought of sleep deprivation starting all over again.
Some think if they are too close it all passes by in a bit of a fog, and you enjoy them more if one is out of one stage before the next one starts it.
Being close in age doesn't equate to being 'close to' your sibling - it can do, but it can also mean they are real rivals and fight a lot.
5 years here.
When DD was born, DS could dress himself, reach the fruit bowl, get a carton of juice to drink, take hiself off to the loo, etc. That meant I could feed her without too much getting up and down all the time.
They fight and play together in equal measure.
12 months between mine and they are like chalk and cheese but absolutely the best of friends. I reckon it could easily have gone the other way though. Close age gaps are lovely when they work out
2.5 yrs between 1 and 2 then 5yrs later 3 arrived.
Ds 1 and 2 are best mates but they also fight terrible too. They both adore their baby brother but I can't see as they grow up they'll have much in common with him due to the age gap.
I have two years between DC1 and DC2 and then another two between DC2 and DC3. I think it's a good gap - they get on well together (most of the time) and for me it worked well to get the baby bit out of the way all at once. It's a great feeling to get them all out of nappies and know you won't be going back to that!
23 months here and think it's perfect, although as Backforgood says, I'm not looking forward to the year we have GCSEs and A levels going on at the same time and the possibility of both being at university at the same time cost-wise.
We have 2 years between dc1 & dc2 and 20 months between dc3.
Unfortunately our dc2 has lots of learning disabilities so age 7 he function like a 2 year old. Dc1 & dc3 still play together really well. They are boy and girl too. We wanted the 2 year gap as we thought they would be good friends. 4 years has worked out just as well.
It isn't always that easy though is it? You may not be able to plan your gaps, a chosen two year gap may end up being five years, and a preferred three year gap may end up being nine months.
As it happens I got pregnant both times as soon as I decided I wanted a baby, but 1000s of couples are not that lucky.
Anyhoo, I am digressing, so assuming you can chose a gap, I tried for the next when the first one was two. I couldn't have coped before, my first DS was such a hard hard baby. I have two years nine months between mine. Had I had DC 2 first, I would have had a year gap, as she was so easy.
Someone was looking after me when they gave me the hard one first.
I've got a 5 month old and a 22 month old- so 17 month gap. I'm hoping to reap the rewards later (!!) when they can play together as tbh right now I would say it's a bit too close. It might just be the stage I'm at that's making me say that though (exhaustion/nappies/no sleep) and if you asked me in a year i might have said something different!!
However- very much agree with previous poster. You can hope for the ideal gap but that doesn't mean you will necessarily get it. Mother Nature is in charge unfortunately. That's why our gap ended up being so small
3 years between mine. We have spent the last six summers doing exams of one sort or another - GCSEs, AS and A levels and degree finals and I am VERY pleased we only had one child doing them at a time.
Four years and not by design. Mother Nature stuck her interfering beak in . For me it was ideal. I had 4 years at home with dd1, 9 months with them together, then dd1 went to school and I had 4 years at home with dd2. Perfect!
22 months. I loved it but that's cos I was in the thick of nappies anyway so I was mentally"in the zone".
And the first is so young they barely notice there's a new baby so too young for jealousy.
BUT you need help with that gap as you've only two hands and the first can't do much yet. We used nursery for #1 and my DH would do the toddler during the night and I'd do the newborn.
If the partner is crap, I'd definitely wait till the first was more independent.
If the partner is crap, I'd definitely wait till the first was more independent
Totally agree with this. I have a 22.5 month gap and even though it's worked out better than I feared so far (DS 2 is only 9 weeks old) it is a lot of work because the toddler still needs help with more or less everything. He is also a bad sleeper, and if I had to get up in the night for him I'd have died from exhaustion by now. So - if your partner is hands on and doesn't need telling what needs doing, go for a small gap. Otherwise, I'd have gone for a gap of at least 3.5 years if not more.
3 years here and think any less it would have broken me! I didn't plan how long the age gap would be, although I knew I would personally cope with a very small age gap. It works well for us and I think it's more to do with the children's personalities than the age gap, me and my brother are 10 years apart but are extremely close
Now we are at the university stage, it's quite a relief that my dc are all 3 school years apart, so- if they each go from A-levels to university, and if they do a 3 yr degree, then we should only have one at university at a time.
However, it only works like that as our eldest is Summer born and our youngest only just sneaked into September. You could have the same age gaps and have them 5 school years apart, not 6.
My children are 16, 14, 12 and 12. Apart from the non-existent gap between DC3 & DC4, it has been fine.
However, I'm not looking forward to the May/June of 2018 and I'm trying not to think about the May/June of 2020. One teenager doing public exams this last summer was bad enough.
16mths between my two, not planned that way! Very very hard the first couple of years after dd (the younger) was born and great pretty much ever since. They were two years apart at school in the UK and a year apart where we live now. The only year we had any issues was when ds moved on to high school and dd was still at elementary as she missed his support when she was bullied. dd tells me that they are unusally close though.
I will have 18 months when Dc2 is born, not by design, and DH is crap. I'm doomed.
Absolutely agree re planning though, ds too over two years to conceive, this next one managed to be conceived while on the mini pill and dtd once in a blue moon!
23 months between mine and I've said to my partner a couple of times that if my oldest had been in the terrible twos when we were thinking of another I might have wanted to stick to one. Seriously. They're now 3 and a half and 19mo and it's utterly physically and emotionally exhausting. The three year old is pushing boundaries big time and acting out but the 19mo is starting to talk and so is getting frustrated with that too. She's also recently discovered she can push back against her older sibling both physically and verbally which is also tiring. There are days I feel very broken down by it all. I'm hoping that the bonus will be that they'll be close enough in age that they'll become playmates (despite what I've said above they are very close) but completely appreciate that's not a given.
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DS1 is 3.5 years older than DS2 and DS2 is 2.3 years older that DD. Funnily enough DS1 and DD are really close now they are grown up but when younger it was always the 2 boys as a team and my dd following them around trying to get in on the mischief.
Personally there is 20 months between myself and my older sister, we had a great childhood and a sibbling relationship, sadly when she left home and got married we are not the same and rarely see each other but for the point of view of childhood I would say 2-3 years is a lovely gap
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