DD is 3.5
We had the terrible twos and we are now in the fearsome threes (!). She can get very very angry indeed in a flash of lightning about tiny things (for example, today I gave her a gentle reminder that we needed to leave the house in 10 mins and she just lost it, screaming and raging at me etc, when if I had NOT reminded her and just said we were leaving when the time came, she would have been furious that her game had been interrupted in the middle).
My strategy during these incidents is to stay very calm, indeed I barely even speak until she has finished screaming, then when she has actually stopped screaming (and fallen to the floor crying, usually!) I offer her 'help to calm down' - this usually means a cuddle.
Once she is calm we then (briefly) speak about how it wasn't neccessary to have screamed like that, I remind her that she can TELL ME CALMLY whatever she wants to tell me and that I will listen, that kind of thing, and then we cuddle again and move on.
But it happens a lot. Triggers, of course, are tiredness and hunger, and feeling rushed, but obviously those things aren't all avoidable all the time no matter how hard I try.
The reason I am really upset with myself at the moment is that a few weeks ago I absolutely yelled at DH in front of DD, not something I usually do (I am historically not a patient or calm person myself but having DD has improved my patience about 100-fold, bizarrely). I was hormonal and exhausted and both DD and DH were pushing all my buttons, no excuse at all, I know. But I screamed at him almost out of nowhere about something silly he was doing :( and I know DD was very scared by that moment.
I did as much as I could do, immediately afterwards, to make it all OK. eg I apologised to DH in front of DD, I said again and again to her that I shouldn't have done it and I was sorry I had scared her.
But I am so worried that this incident has given her a blueprint for yelling being a way to get your point across.
Admittedly her temper has long pre-dated this incident, she hasn't been a chilled child since she was about a year old and is easily frustrated. I'm not even sure tbh that her screaming rages have got any worse since this incident, maybe a fraction.
I'm just worrying that I've screwed up by letting her see me lose it like that, not merely because I scared her totally unnesscarily but also because with her temper, the LAST thing she needs is to see that stuff modelled. In fact it's why I've made such huge efforts to be calmer and more patient myself, ever since I began to realise that she has a bit of a hair-trigger temper herself. One of us has to be the adult (!) and I'm very proud of my ability to be calm around her.
My own mum was a terrifying screamer and rager and would never apologise or try to resolve anything, just would scream and rant and rave (regularly) and I know how that felt.
Can anyone offer advice on how I can help DD with her own frustrations and temper (I know she's only 3 but I want to help her get building blocks in place as early as possible)?
Have I really messed this up?
Thanks for reading, this has turned out to be epic...
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Parenting
Trying to help my 3 year old with her temper and I'm worried I've screwed it all up :(
25 replies
SomeDayMyPrinceMightCome · 01/11/2016 19:53
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