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How would you deal with this one?

(4 Posts)
fi775 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:33:06

Hi everyone, so just picked my kids up. They stay with his dad who lives with his mum and dad during the school holidays. It's 120 miles away from me and we meet in a service station half way.

Anyway like I say, just picked them up. I have 2 kids aged 7 and 5. My eldest one is autistic which I feel to be very important in what I'm about to say.

So picked the kids up, their dad drives off and kids say they are thirsty. I'm tired from the drive too and having to drive back so we go in and get a drink and some chips. Sat in Burger King and my eldest says 'mummy grandad called me a bad name' I obviously straight away ask what he means and he says 'grandad called me a dickhead' angry now my son does have speech problems but I'm 99.9% sure that's what he said. Straight on the phone to the ex but no answer.

My ex FIL does swear a lot, he's the type that every other word that comes out of his mouth is a swear word and he doesn't even realise it. He's not a bad person, he's never been my favourite person but he does love dcs very much. Him and my ex MIL do everything for the kids when hey are there. Dcs dad is pretty much a waste of space, he's never been involved with the kids, never been involved in my sons special needs - even when we were together. So when my kids go and spend time with him, it's always a massive comfort to me that it's his mum and dad looking after them. My kids absolutely love it there and I'd hate to stop them from going.

But I am absolutely fuming about what's happened this afternoon. The fact the ex FIL would say something like this - I know he wouldn't of said it in an aggressive manner, it would of just come out of his mouth accidentally probably - to my autistic son is just not on at all. I won't tolerate it. I work so hard to keep my boy happy and on track. He can be very violent and aggressive towards me and sometimes school too. The last thing I need is him knowing words like this too.

So what do I do? I haven't rang FIL yet, he's very intimidating. I need to be clear on what I'm going to say before I do. If my child didn't have autism, I'd obviously still be pissed but this is different. I could easily explain to my daughter that we don't say that word and grandad is naughty, she would understand that and that would be the end of it. My son having special needs makes this a different matter entirely :-(

BertrandRussell Fri 28-Oct-16 18:40:29

Tricky. We've all had a word we didn't mean to say slip out, haven't we? And certainly in my circles dickhead isn't a really bad swear. I wouldn't call a 7 year old it, but I certainly might use to to my teenagers!

I think I'd just say "oh dear, grandpa shouldn't have said that - and it's certainly not a word for children to use, so you mustn't use it. Would you like some more chips?"

Then I'd ring my fil and remind him what parrots children are and could he try not to swear in front of them. Your son knows it's a bad word. Grandpa made a mistake. For me that would be it.

BertrandRussell Fri 28-Oct-16 18:41:56

Sorry- missed out a bit. Your son obviously knew the word already- or he wouldn't have known it was a bad name.

SavoyCabbage Fri 28-Oct-16 18:42:57

I'd do exactly the same as Bert.

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