Feeling a bit lonely(5 Posts)
New to Mumsnet so please bear with me! Feeling a bit blue today - I'm prone to negativity and anxiety, I over-think things and suffered a bout of PND after having my son, so not unusual really. Anyway...Does anybody else feel like they make all the effort to see friends but rarely get anything in return? I have a good sized network of friends but often feel really lonely, despite seeing/being in touch with them fairly regularly. I just wish it wasn't always me who had to initiate meet-ups. If I didn't make the effort, I think I'd barely see anyone. Which makes me feel a bit paranoid!! Are people seeing me out of politeness?! I suppose it's stupid to fret about this when I have an amazing little boy to entertain me all the time - that should be fulfilling enough for me! I had hoped my neurotic tendencies would go away when I had a baby but it seems they were lurking beneath the surface...
About PND - that's about me too. About friends - they agree meeting you and this is what matters. Maybe they don't have children and are always preoccupied by their problems, but they're happy to relax just by chatting with you.
It's not right either to concentrate only on your son - it's a threat to make him dependent on you for the rest of his life. There's a great article explaining this tendency among parents: brutalist.press/posts/1/im-lazy-mom-besides-im-selfish-carefree.
Friends, family should not be abandoned because you have a baby!
Don't over-think) It's difficult to accomplish but possible!
Thanks for your reply Lesly Hope your PND is manageable and you've found ways to cope? It's amazing how your perspective can change just by hearing someone else's view on things - after reading your reply, I felt much more positive today, so thank you! Tomorrow there shall be no wallowing! The article you recommended was also really interesting. So many things are about adjusting your mindset. Attempting to not over-analyse everything is a work in progress!
I get how you must be feeling. I did a social cleanse of my life a while ago and essentially gave up on those people who I was always chasing. Life's too short to spend time with people who don't build you up and support you as true friends should. Since then I've been a lot happier and haven't wasted time/money on people who clearly don't have time for me. I also found going to New classes/mums groups helped introduce me to some genuinely nice caring people who reciprocate a friendship. It's not about the quantity of friends you have but the quality. Get yourself and baby out and about and meet some new people. You may make more friendships that feel mutual to you
Thank you for the advice, Glitterbugs. A 'social cleanse' - I think one of them is definitely in order! Yes, you are definitely right that quality is more important than quantity - have come to realise that lately. Unfortunately, most of the people who I feel don't reciprocate friendship are the ones I most recently made at baby groups/classes (my son is now 16months) - a few have become lifelong friends but I guess with the others, the only thing we really had in common was having babies around the same time. But I'm still attending new classes and groups now, so hopefully these will introduce me to some likeminded people
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