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6 week old baby breaking us

(35 Posts)
judybloomno5 Tue 18-Oct-16 23:14:53

I'm so stressed out with my DD2 who is 6 weeks old. Whilst she's beautiful and I love her, she's breaking us. She's either asleep (only really in the car or funnily enough between feeds at night) or fussing, arching her back and screeching etc. I can't do much when it's just me and hurt other than bouncing her around or when her sister is home from nursery she screams if I don't fuss her for a second whilst I prepare food or interact with DD1 and then my DD1 ends up crying because DD2 is crying. Trying to console them both is almost impossible. A couple of times I've just had to leave DD2 in her Moses basket (she's not been hungry or wet etc) and have taken DD1 off elsewhere to console her or distract her for both of our sanity. I feel so guilty, I never did this with DD1, I never had to.
It's almost impossible to keep on top of anything as DD2 really stresses my DH out in the evening as DD2 is worse when he's fussing her. It ends up with him leaving her to scream the house down and I have to finish my shower/cup of tea/hanging up clothes as he gets so frustrated he leaves her. She ends up purple from screaming which is heartbreaking. He thinks his evenings are for lying on the sofa watching tv not fussing a baby. I wish I could do that!
Apologies this is more rant than anything else, has anyone been through the same? Please tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel

Malermalergoni Tue 18-Oct-16 23:34:28

This does sound really hard, and no wonder you're exhausted. Have you ruled out any physical causes for your dd2s issues? Digestive issues/ milk intolerance etc? With my little ones, the arching of the back sometimes indicated trapped wind or tummy problems.
A wrap type sling is really handy if you're running around trying to cook/ hang washing/see to the older one. Sometimes simply being upright in the sling is very relieving for a colicky baby.
But with a baby of six weeks, you should have absolute prime position on the sofa and everyone else (your dh for instance) should do the main share of the chores. Be really easy on yourself, it's a really hard stage. It'll passsmile

Anna2710 Tue 18-Oct-16 23:38:57

It's possible she could have silent reflux or milk intolerance. My DD started arching back and screaming at 5 weeks old and it ended up being both of the above. Might not be but worth checking out.

carmenta Tue 18-Oct-16 23:43:14

It doesn't sound right to me, does she seem like she's in pain? The back arching in particular is a fairly common description of babies with digestive problems.

Your DH, by the way, needs to get some more compassion and care properly for his new tiny responsibility. Parenting is not something you just do when you feel like it.

AleHouseWench Tue 18-Oct-16 23:46:56

The back arching also screams reflux to me. Definitely get her checked over flowers

MissHemsworth Tue 18-Oct-16 23:51:50

Hi OP sounds tough. Sounds like she might have reflux or painful wind. Is she FF or BF? What are her nappies like?

My DS1 had terrible wind he'd do exactly what your DD is doing scream from about 5 onwards. I tried infacol, gripe water, baby massage & warm baths. DS2 also had it, not quite as bad but he also had quite bad reflux & green poos!

My DH was useless he seemed to resent helping out in any way (he would occasionally cook but mainly to ensure he got fed!) I recall not having washed my hair for weeks at one point because I could never put him down.

I think it's trial & error but she doesn't sound happy, maybe speak to a HV or GP.

seven201 Tue 18-Oct-16 23:55:47

I second the possible reflux and milk allergy possibility. My did has both and was a complete nightmare until we got those under control. The only way I ever got anything done was to wear her outwards (she refused inwards) facing in a carrier. She's 4 months now and lots better but I do still have to wear her round the house if I want to get anything done! Your husband sounds immature like a twat.

Cakescakescakes Tue 18-Oct-16 23:57:09

Absolutely sounds like reflux. A sling (Close Caboo) was my lifesaver. I thought I was going to go mad with the screaming when DS2 was that age and he ended up on reflux meds and was like a different baby.

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 09:56:46

Thank you guys. The thing is she's fine at night, goes to sleep as soon as i put her back down. But it's dark, warm and quiet. She wakes up every 3/4 hours so not too bad.
DH has a surgical job (being medical doesn't make them any more sympathetic!) so has been sleeping in the spare room. I stripped the bed to wash the bedding and instead of making it, he stayed in with us if he moans about being tired tonight (he went to bed at 12) then I might kill him.

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 10:00:50

The HV suggested reflux. I do bf and formula. She throws up breast milk but keeps formula down so for my sanity and sake of my 23 month old DD I gave her a bottle.
Dd2 had German measles last week (yes I know). Spent all night on children's ward and I've not recovered from that yet.
Really want to go get my legs waxed at least but can't leave Both with DH as I'm worried he will leave DD2 to cry for hours.

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 10:02:34

DD2 can't get on with a sling, I've got the NCT Caboo and she throws her head back constantly.

facepalming Wed 19-Oct-16 10:04:03

I've been through it - it does get better. hand full of kids but promise I'll pop back later with a proper reply!

facepalming Wed 19-Oct-16 10:20:42

OK sorry! So my ds2 is now almost ten months old and is a delight but I'm sorry t0 say it took until just a few weeks ago to get there.

My first (who is only 19 Month older than ds2) was a delight so ds2 was a shock!

He screamed all day for months. I tried everything. the only consolation was that he was a decent sleeper at night.

We went back and forth to doctors, hv, paediatricians at the hospital and had it all told to us, colic, then teething then just a grumpy baby.

about a month ago his urine was tested and he was given antibiotics for an e coli uti. he has been fab ever since. I don't know if that was an issue that had been going for a long time or if it was just a turning point but it might be worth to have it checked.

I don't have much advice I'm afraid, just a massive hug and tons of sympathy. it is unbelievably hard dealing with a baby like that. But a few things I would say..

don't lie to people that ask how you are doing. i got so much more help when I started to say how hard it all was.

take as many breaks away from baby as you can get

keep cuddling and treating baby as you would if they were happy - its hard to explain what i mean there as of course you love and care but it really helps to feel normal - I hope you get what I mean?

I switched to formula at 6 months - it was best decision for both of us and i refuse to feel guilty about it!

don't worry about walking away from them when they cry. it's too much sometimes. I still actually cannot bear it when ds2 cries the sound brings back all those awful early days.

ds2 did have phases over those months when he was 'normal' - I took full advantage and sucked up every laugh and smile.

I hope you don't have such a long slog ahead of you but just know it does get better

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 10:37:30

If DD2 had her way she'd sit comfort sucking all day and then intervals of sucking breasts.
I just called her a little bitch and I feel really guilty. I went to make dd1 a drink as DD2 has been asleep for 5 mins. DD2 starts screaming and dd1 joins in, throws herself on the floor and bangs her head. I hate myself because poor DD1 ends up in front of the tv whilst I feed and bounce DD2 around. I don't want dd1 to hear words like that.

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 10:38:07

Sorry intervals of screaming that's meant to say, she was at it again.

FaithAscending Wed 19-Oct-16 10:45:42

Definitely sounds like either reflux or a milk allergy/intolerance. Please get her to the GP. DD was so fussy, could never put her down, wanted to BF all the time (the sucking eases the discomfort from the reflux but more milk can make them feel worse, vicious cycle).

She was like a different baby after she got reflux medication.

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 10:45:44

Thank you facepalming that's given me a little light at the end of the tunnel.

It's been a rough year- my DF died suddenly earlier this year and we are moving house so my patience is less than it was maybe that's it.

Sounds awful but DD1 has a speech delay and is just starting to speak so I really want to spend some time with her practicing her new skills.

justinelibertine Wed 19-Oct-16 10:46:55

No advice cos I am a crummy mummy but op cake and wine

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 10:58:05

I've just left her in the living room in her moses basket to scream so that DD1 can have a break and i can have a shower. I'm checking my emails quickly and she's in there squaking.

facepalming Wed 19-Oct-16 11:05:30

Do what you need to so that you all survive! I really hope you don't have the long run I've had but if you do then it's whatever works to get you through it!

I called my ds2 some names over the months.. at times I really resented him for spoiling nice moments with ds1 or family days out .

But you know in years to come it will seem such a small part of your time together.

redannie118 Wed 19-Oct-16 11:14:46

Hi op does sound like colic havery you tried in facilities? Saved my sanity with 2 colicky babies! Also if your little one won't take to a sling have you tried a battery operated baby swingirl? When my secondad ds was tiny it was the only thing that soothed him when he was colicky (apart from me) to give me time to spend with ds1 . They were quite expensive but you could probably pick one up on Gumtree or similar

redannie118 Wed 19-Oct-16 11:17:01

Sorry bloody auto correct I meant Infacol !!

redannie118 Wed 19-Oct-16 11:17:28

And battery operated swing

judybloomno5 Wed 19-Oct-16 11:22:35

I've got a damn mamaroo - £200 plus and she screams in that too. Infacol doesn't seem to work either. I am going to take her to the doctor, I haven't had chance to register yet. Just took me 20 mins to find something to wear thats how bad my house is.

I am going to swing at my husband if he asks if I've walked the dog (energetic lab) when he comes home - I haven't even got a double buggy and he will probably have a black eye if he says he's tired!

Cakescakescakes Wed 19-Oct-16 19:01:50

If you think it's reflux ask for omeprazole. I had a reflux baby and an autistic 3 yr old and I almost had a breakdown because of the stress of it all. Omeprazole (Losec Mups) is fine with breastfeeding or formula. Within two weeks it was like a different baby. And my refluxer slept reasonably well at night too. He just screamed constantly all day.

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