Positive stories of having a second baby please(35 Posts)
I'm pregnant with my second, and have a DD who will be 2.4 when the baby is born. This is a much wanted baby but I'm having a bit of a wobble - I enjoy my job and our life works for us well at the moment, and not sure how we'll cope with a tiny baby again. DD is delicious but hard work. Sorry if this has been done to death, but I'd be grateful for positive stories of having a second.
There's an old saying:
The first you worry about
The second you relax
The third you enjoy
The fourth brings themselves up
WIth which I concur!
My DSs are 2y2m apart. I would say it's more than double the work of having one - it's unbelievably hard, and I'd say mine and DH's relationship took more of a hit following DS2 than DS1. We're so constantly, permanently exhausted that being civil to each other takes effort.
Seeing our boys being friends and growing together makes it so worthwhile. DS2 is two now and it's slowly getting easier to find time for each other, while also having a shared joy in our DCs.
I had the wobble too. It will be amazing
You get to reuse all the baby stuff and clothes you have so you feel you get your moneys worth.
First DS was 3.5 when DS2 was born. Our first born was a very difficult, demanding baby and I worried for our second. He is in fact the cheeriest little man I've ever met. His brother adores him and honestly it's the best thing we decided to have another. We won't be having anymore - hubby had the snip but I can't imagine not having both. It's honestly not as much as first time round for us. Go in to it with eyes open for what might a difficult/ tiring time but hopefully you will see how much more awesome it makes your family . I really was not this positive first time round!
Thank you! 2ndbabymama did you and your DH always know you only wanted 2 ?
My DS was 3.5 when my DD was born, she is a less chilled child, screams a lot and has tantrums, however we as parents were much more relaxed and found having a second so much easer. The first one completely transforms your life and takes a lot of getting used to in my opinion. Anyway it must have been great as we're now expecting a 3rd! 😬
My two are just shy of two years between them
Sometimes it's hard work when they bicker over toys or when they are both demading your attention but they adore each other
He looks for her all the time, and she constantly gives him cuddles and tickles.
He idolises his big sister and tries to copy her all the time. She loves mothering her baby brother
I'm looking back quite some time now, mine are 10 and 12, there were a few hard moments, sometimes there still are, but I found it way easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1, there has never been a single moment when I wished we'd stuck at one.
I have the same age gap. It was quite hard work but I was so much more confident the second time. It made me wonder what the heck I'd managed to fill my time doing with just one! Also, I enjoyed it more the second time because I knew I didn't plan on having more so wanted to make the most of it. I have enjoyed seeing them play together as they get older (although the fighting is not so much fun...)
I love having 2 - it's hard work at times, especially the beginning months, but most of the time it's the best. They are best buddies and play with each other really nicely. I can leave them and have a hot cup of tea. I am grateful for DS2 because I don't have to entertain DS1 constantly. It's worked out so nicely I'm having a third.
Thanks everyone. I'm struggling to imagine coping with bickering but many of you have gone on to have thirds so must have been bearable
Before we got married and had our first we always said two. Then our eldest was born and it was so difficult we didn't think we would have another. As he got older, it got easier and we decided to have another and knew we could cope if it was difficult.
It's really really hard, in my experience. BUT I went through a lot of awful times with my eldest that prepared me well for challenges with my youngest. I felt like a better and more capable parent from early on the second time round. We have the same age gap that you will, and now DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2, they are ridiculously good together. Great friends and their differences bring out (generally speaking!) the best in each other. It's a joy to watch them growing up.
Enlist as much help as you can during the newborn days. I BFed, but was lucky in that DD2 was a very efficient and reliable feeder. Meant that with somebody to watch her, I could easily carve out a decent chunk of one-on-one time with DD1 from quite early on. I think big siblings really do need it to make the transition from only child to one of two a bit more bearable.
This is what I wonder too. I want 2or 3 but just wonder how you combine a newborn with an older child. My baby was so full on when he was new - combination of tongue tie, a lot of gas (from TT), some reflux etc. I used to wonder if he'd ever stop crying or if I'd ever get more than a few hours sleep. Then the whole 4th trimester needs to be held all the time thing .. I found feeding myself and getting myself washed and dressed (when you really do need a wash to feel semi human post childbirth!) almost impossible some days and just wonder how you do it when you have another child to get washed and fed and either entertained all day or ferried to school and back. I guess I feel that the baby is already so much easier so the hardest time isn't that long but I do wonder sometimes re: our plans for a short-ish age gap.
I have the same fears. I'm due my second baby in May and my son will be turning 3. I worry about not having as much attention to pay to my lovely toddler. I felt a bit better when the midwife told me that actually this isn't necessarily a bad thing and he will also have the benefit of having a sibling to play with in years to come
Also [[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zhloNqksZkE here's a cute video] that made me really hope my toddler will be like this! Basically the kid just woke up from her nap in a bit of a post-nap grump but was comforted by cuddles with her baby sister. It's adorable
DD was 2.3 when DS was born. I'm not saying it was a walk in the park, but it was certainly not that bad - they loved each other from the start, and both have generally been good sleepers, which helps.
Now they're best pals, and with a small age gap, they're entertained by the same things. And life is so much more fun with two!
When you look in your rear view mirror and see them holding hands across their carseats.....
I have an 19 month age gap - the younger is nearly 2 and it's getting (much) easier. Toddler and newborn easy, older baby and toddler/preschooler much harder IMO.
Thanks for these stories, really appreciate them. DD is really clingy to me at the moment (DH is secretly rather offended but that's a whole other thread!) Any tips for making the transition to having a sibling easier for her?
I have a 7yo ds and a 17mo dd. It is definitely more hard work. The good thing is my ds helps and loves playing etc. I doubt I'd cope as well with a smaller gap. Good luck
But seeing them cuddling giggling and being little buggers together is worth it. Dd first word was my ds name and when we collect him from school she shouts him and gets so excited to see him. Wouldn't change it for the world
There are loads of articles online I've been reading if you google it you'll find lots of good tips. I know I can't put any of it into practice yet but it's reassuring knowing there are some things we can try to make it easier for the older sibling when the new baby arrives.
I read that if you get your older child to feel that it's their baby too, rather than just your baby they will see it as less of a rival for your attention and that looking after the baby is more like something you are all doing together.
I also read that it's nice to sometimes treat the older one like a baby still and cradle them like a baby etc if they want it, so they don't feel like they suddenly have to grow up now they've been replaced by a "proper" baby!
Also not blaming things on the baby all the time. Finding other ways to phrase it if you are stuck on the sofa feeding the baby and your toddler wants you to get up and play. So rather than saying "I can't play with you I'm feeding your sister", you have to find a different way to phrase it that doesn't put the blame on their sibling or they'll soon start to resent the new baby. Getting them to help you fetch things so they have an active role to play rather than being sidelined.
I am still pregnant with my second though so I can't vouch for any of this advice actually working!
My dds are 3 years apart and 100% best friends. After dd2 was 2 they played together properly and are very close at 4 and 7 and miss each other terribly when separated. I wouldn't change a thing
Oooh and I also read it's good if you can try and get your partner to take the baby for an hour or so fairly regularly so you can still have quality 1:1 time with your toddler. Otherwise you end up with dad looking after the older child all the time and mum looking after the baby, separately. You end up becoming more like housemates than a married couple/family - I can see this happening to us if we're not careful.
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