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I feel like I don't exist...

(18 Posts)
Luckystar1 Tue 18-Oct-16 09:04:58

This will probably sound very strange and I'm hoping someone else has experienced this...

My DS is almost 2. Completely daddy obsessed. I am a SAHM, but I almost feel like to my son, I don't exist.

By way of a few examples:

- He'll look at pictures of the three of us and point out daddy excitedly. I prompt with 'who else' and he says his own name. It's only after further prompting that he ever says 'mummy'.

- We are in the bathroom, he says 'daddy's shower, daddy's brush' etc. Nothing is ever mummy's.

There are a few other things that I can't remember off hand, but I find it slightly strange and upsetting that he doesn't recognise me etc.

Is this weird or am I reading too much into it.

He does ask for me, give me cuddles etc. He just doesn't 'see' me!

lifeistooshort Tue 18-Oct-16 09:07:01

No experience but could it be because he takes you as an extension of him because you are always there with him? Maybe to him it is a no brainer or a given that mummy is always here ?

Artandco Tue 18-Oct-16 09:10:22

It's probably because your always there. You will tend to say ' let's wait until daddy is home', 'let's draw a picture and you can show daddy later' etc, because obviously you are already seeing it

HappyHeart87 Tue 18-Oct-16 09:11:18

My 13mo is the same in terms of what she points out / communicates. I think of it as being what the pp said - I'm always with her and I'm not sure she's worked out we are separate people yet.

How does your DS react if you've been away and come back into the room, for example? Is he excited to see you?

Believeitornot Tue 18-Oct-16 09:11:34

Yes you're just an extension of him. Of course he knows you exist. What happens when he hurts himself and DH isn't around?

Luckystar1 Tue 18-Oct-16 09:12:38

Yes I'm hoping it's that, and not that he hates me!

I've been reading a lot about bonds recently and I'm very worried that ours is not as secure as it ought to be!

anonymice Tue 18-Oct-16 09:14:36

It's like this cartoon isn't it.....
It's because the SAHP is the one around and the working parent is the novelty. I've been both and you can't win. It's not a very nice feeling though OP, I know what you mean.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 18-Oct-16 09:15:23

Awwww it is secure!

My DS was exactly the same, dad's are the novelty as they're out so much, you're there 24/7

Once he goes to nursery etc he'll be all over you too, you watch smile

Sandsnake Tue 18-Oct-16 09:15:48

Don't worry OP - I agree with others that it's because you're with him so much he probably sees you almost as himself. DS is 11 months and pretty similar. Chats about Daddy all day and loves licking him out in photos (but never me!). I actually really like it as I love being able to tell DH that DS is thinking about him (on a baby level at least!) whilst he's at work. Im back to work in a few weeks so I'll be interested to see if that changes things.

Believeitornot Tue 18-Oct-16 09:16:32

What makes you think it's not secure...?

Sandsnake Tue 18-Oct-16 09:17:36

Oh God - he loves picking him out in photos, not licking him out... blush

HappyHeart87 Tue 18-Oct-16 09:39:19

Sandsnake that made me giggle.

EsmesBees Tue 18-Oct-16 09:56:42

Mines the same, but we share the childcare, and on the days I'm at home it's Daddy this and Daddy that, and DH reports when it's his day it's all Mummy, Mummy, Mummy. So try going away for the day he might start chatting about you instead.

MinnieMinchkin Tue 18-Oct-16 10:00:08

If very small children don't take you for granted, then there's something to worry about!

It's painful, but shows that you are probably doing a fantastic job. He probably does still see you as an extension of himself, and things will change as he matures.

Oopsypoopsy Tue 18-Oct-16 12:20:23

It's just because you're always there and you talk about daddy, when daddy gets home etc but nobody says let's show mummy when she gets home, in the nicest possible way you're just taken for granted and I think that's normal. I think your bond is the strongest because he doesn't even have to think about it at all, he doesn't have to question it you're just there.

You have to change your way of thinking and realise it's not a negative thing. x

alphabook Tue 18-Oct-16 12:30:24

Rather than seeing your bond as insecure, I would see it as the opposite - it's so secure he almost takes it for granted, you're always there and therefore not a novelty. I can understand it hurts, but he'll grow out of it. Try and see it as a positive thing in the mean time smile

Luckystar1 Tue 18-Oct-16 13:24:01

Thank you all! I don't know why I feel like that about our bond, maybe because I found him such hard work as a baby? I don't know.

I just read the study on bonding and the secure ambivalent children were marked by being extremely distressed when their mother left the room. My DS was absolutely beside himself when he started nursery (2 mornings a week), for ages, every time I went to leave...

NickyEds Tue 18-Oct-16 20:22:14

Give it time op. My ds was all about daddy at just turned 2. I honestly think that he just didn't see me as separate to him. He started pre school just after he turned two and I was concerned because he wasn't screaming when I left, both the staff and the hv said they thought he genuinely didn't believe I'd gone- that I must be about somewhere as he couldn't conceive of me not being there. We had some tears after a few weeks when he realised that I did in fact leave but they were quickly sorted when he also realised I always come back.

Ds is 2.9 now and dp is most put out as he's been relegated! No doubt he'll be favour of the month again soon!

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