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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Out of order?

40 replies

user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:09

Just wondering whether I am being totally irrational or fair, I have a 2 and a half year old and a three month, and getting so sick of my partner doing sweet fuck all to help me, ok he DOES Work mon-fri 8-5 but he seems to think this is an excuse to do no cleaning, cooking, helping with kids etc bathing feeding, to bed, dressing. But he thinks this is acceptable because he works and I don't. (Which I do but on maternity) and when I do work I have to work night shifts and I'm still expected to do all this because I'm the one at home all day. I hate working night shifts but it's the only available shifts I can work because he doesn't want me to weekends (our time). He's so lazy refuses to even make his lunch for work and a cup of tea for himself in the morning and I've just got to the point where I m so sick of it

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user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:17

I hope I don't sound really selfish I know he's been to work all day and I wouldn't expect him to come home cook tea and wash up and do it all etc but when he just expects it every single night and I also have to bath and put babies to bed while he sits on sofa just makes me mad

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KatharinaRosalie · 13/10/2016 21:20

what a lazy twat. Don't make him lunch, he's not a baby! And if he works 8-5 then so should you - rest of the tasks after that time must be shared.

user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:23

It's nice to hear that from another's perspective, he honestly thinks I do nothing all day. He is such a baby, if he didn't have a lunch all packed for him I think he'd throw his toys out the pram and say he wasn't going work

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Alibobbob · 13/10/2016 21:28

Do you honestly think he would stay home all day and sulk?

Do it!!!

Then when he's home all day go out and have a day off. Leave him a letter to read whilst your out - everything the baby needs and everything you need in the way of support.

You must be tempted. Imagine the call to his boss, what would he say because he couldn't possibly tell the truth!

user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:32

He really would, he's done it before when I wouldn't make him a cup of tea, he doesn't say that though he makes up stupid excuses. It's just got so ridiculous and he's just so god damn spoilt.

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user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:33

He's never looked after the baby, I'm breastfeeding so don't really go out without her tbh. He's changed her nappy ONCE. Bathed her NONE. Dressed her NONE. Winded her a few times when I've asked him to carry on if I've been in the middle of cooking tea etc

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Wolfiefan · 13/10/2016 21:35

Let him stay home. Go out. He can do your job for a day and see how bloody knackering it is. Leave him a list of chores.
Why did you have children with this petulant man child?!

Wallywobbles · 13/10/2016 21:35

Man child. There are lots of threads on the subject and some blogs. But I'd say that the future looks bleak for your couple. Totally not ok. Works a walk in the park compared to childcare.

Starlight2345 · 13/10/2016 21:37

I am going to ask the obvious question what are you getting from this?

user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:38

I'm asking myself the same question

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RiverTam · 13/10/2016 21:42

He works out of the home 8-5, Monday to Friday. But he's a parent 24/7, the same as you. And you do work, looking after and bringing up children is work, bloody hard work. And you're on maternity leave, not fucking housework leave.

He sounds like a waste of space. Can you dump him out with the rubbish next week?

user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:42

It's not even like he goes to work to pay all the bills etc we do it all 50/50

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user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:45

His idea parenting is either being the bossy one telling off or either fun, playing etc. None of the other stuff

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user1474320794 · 13/10/2016 21:49

Oh actually he does have one job, he takes out the rubbish, because I refuse to go and leave babies in house while I do that.

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KatharinaRosalie · 14/10/2016 08:44

It seems like he's making it your problem that he's not going to work. It's not though, you're not his mummy. It's of course his problem how he pays his 50% of costs if he gets laid off.

KatharinaRosalie · 14/10/2016 08:45

Oh and let me guess, the 50% does not include anything your baby needs, does it? That's all yours to pay?

user1474320794 · 14/10/2016 08:48

No I get everything the babies need because I'm the one who gets paid the child benefit ( though I spend soooo much more than that) but then his response would be its my choice I don't need to buy all the things I do, but im not complaining about that I love buying them nice things :)

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MrsJayy · 14/10/2016 08:51

So when you are working you were up all day looking after your eldest all day you were working night because he wanted you around at the weekend ? He does nothing for you or the children he sulks if he does not have lunch ready, but you have to be grateful for him working. What positive things do you and your children get from this man he sounds horrible and selfish

user1474320794 · 14/10/2016 08:53

When she was nine months till she was two I stayed awake to look after her during the day after I worked luckily when she was two we were eligible for free hours so she went to nursery the two days a week after I worked so I went to bed

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user1474320794 · 14/10/2016 08:55

Think I might write him a letter and go through exactly how fed up I'm feeling

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MadeForThis · 14/10/2016 08:55

He sounds awful. Your partner should be support you and want to make your life easier. Did he want kids. Doesn't sound like he has ever grown up himself.

What was he like regarding cups of tea and a packed lunch before the kids came along?
Did he refuse to go to work then too?

KatharinaRosalie · 14/10/2016 08:56

He's not a partner, he's another child for you to take care of. A selfish, sulking, ungrateful child.

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Sunnysky2016 · 14/10/2016 08:57

Just to give you some comparison, my ex dp came up last night to see our son, after picking up my son (previous relationship) from the school bus. He emptied the dish washer, washed up some things that were soaking, emptied the washing machine, put the hoover over, took out the rubbish and chopped some veg for me and the kids tea.
Yes he's my ex, but when he comes up to see his son, he also helps because as he says 'im doing it for my son'.
So yes he is being totally out of order. He used to fight with me to change our sons nappy, feed him and bath him when little. It was always which one of us got there first, as we both wanted to do it.
I couldn't imagine having a partner like yours sorry....

user1474320794 · 14/10/2016 08:57

I think before the kids came along I didn't mind ( or even realise) what I was doing for him, only now I struggle I've realised. I feel awful writing this post about him slagging him off behind his back I just need to have a rant and let some of this out

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user1474320794 · 14/10/2016 09:01

He's never grown up that's the problem his mum had previously rallied around him at home so he's never had any different

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