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Not sure what to do here - stbXH is a crappy parent

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cantpickusername Thu 13-Oct-16 11:55:45

I separated from H around a year ago, currently waiting for the decree nice to come through.

The relationship was always dysfunctional, with him not doing much around the house and me having high pressure job whilst also having to do all the cleaning and everything to do with the kids. He preferred sitting on his xbox. The last year of our relationship he also became very aggressive towards me.

Despite this I felt awful telling him I was leaving so went out of my way to make it as easy for him as possible. He works full time but is on a low wage, so I said he could have the child benefit for the DCs so that he could claim housing benefit and tax credits. This did however mean that he also had to have the DCs 50% of the time. We now have them every other week.

I am however very concerned as to how he looks after them and I really don't want him to have them more than every other weekend, so that I can make sure they're clean and well fed for school etc.

Reasons why I am concerned are;
- They can go the full week without having a bath
- Last week my 6yo was incredibly smelly when I got him back, I was in the next room and could still smell him
- He lets them (6yo and 10yo) play Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto. The schools have picked up on this and called me in for a meeting. Now they're only allowed to play these games as long as they don't "tell mum or any teachers".
- He sends occasionally sends 10yo to school without a packed lunch (6yo gets school dinners)
- He never takes them to any of their activities (such as football) during his weeks
- He doesn't buy them clothes or pays for any activities
- The DCs haven't got any furniture in their rooms at his, they sleep on mattresses on the floors
- 10yo last week said that his dad has finally cleared his room out, prior to this the 10yo's room was full of bin bags with rubbish
- I today had a phone call from school saying 10yo had been sent to school without breakfast and that he is regularly dropped to school 40 minutes before the gates open (so he has to stand there and wait in the cold)

There are probably other things as well that I can't thin of right now.

Anyway, I am VERY concerned as to how they are looked after at their dads but I am not sure what to do about it? StbXH will kick off if I raise any of these issues with him or if I say that I want the DCs to live with me full time (although I imagine it would mainly be because he'd lose the child benefit).

Can I speak to their schools? Would they help me talk to him? Or do I contact social services? Can I report him anonymously to social services?

I know I sound like a wimp but this will cause I massive fallout, I just want whats best for my DCs.

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