6wk old - struggling

[Spanner83]

Hi,

I am a new mum to a lovely 6wk ds, he is lovely and been an absolute dream. Previously woke only once in the night but for the last week has been sleeping straight through so feel so pathetic for writing this as I know there are others that experience so many difficulties... But I just don't feel like I am connecting with him like I should.

My oh is amazing and thinks I am doing a great job but I feel like I am pretending most of the time. He has smiled a few times but only with other people. I get frustrated with him when he crys (although I would never hurt him) I take him out loads but I just don't feel connected or enjoying motherhood like I thought I would.

I did go through a couple of weeks of crying a lot and anxiety but that seems to have passed but still I don't feel like I am supposed to. Can't quite put my finger in what's wrong and just think maybe motherhood is not for me.

My childhood wasn't great and my mum drank too much and although she done the basics she made it was very clear at times that she didn't want me, although my brother was her favourite. I always promised myself I would never be like her but can't help thinking history is repeating itself and am going to be a horrible mum to my ds.

I sound really pathetic I know but too embarrassed to mention how I am feeling to anyone else.

Does anyone have any advice to get through this and start enjoying my ds??

[footballwidow12]

Hi OP,
I just wanted to send you a quick message to let you know that it's all going to be ok. I remember going to the hearing clinic with my DD when she was 5 weeks old and more or less breaking down on the poor audiologist.

The first few weeks and months are HARD!! In fact i found it so hard that I have decided that I never want to repeat it again. I love my DD to absolute pieces but I think one is enough for me!! The sickly sweet pictures that you see all over other people's FB I'm sure aren't reality - but no one wants other people to know that they are finding it hard.

I'm sure that some people take to motherhood more easily than others.....I still question my every move, I still feel guilty every day, and generally would class myself as an absolutely average mummy. But I am my DD mummy and she loves me and all I can do is try my best.

Don't be too hard on yourself - I'm sure that you are doing a great job! I can promise you that it does get easier. Please please don't bottle your feelings up, do speak to your health visitor or GP as you might be suffering from a bit of PND (I did - and I went for some counselling).

Hope you start to feel a bit more positive soon

[cheeseandcrackers]

First of all try not to put so much pressure on yourself, feeling as you do is very common, your life has gone through a huge upheaval & six weeks is really a very short time to adjust. I remember feeling similar, I thought I would be a wonderful devoted mum instantly but struggled to feel that connection when ds was born. I think by about 12 weeks, I felt much more connected to him. I certainly wouldn't worry about what you'll be like as a mum later on. Your hormones are still all over the place right now. Don't worry too much and give it time.

Have you had your 6wk check yet? Do you think there's a chance you have PND?

[FizzyFeet]

You sound like a lovely mum! I think your oh is right - looking after a 6 week old baby is bloody hard work (no matter how much they sleep) and you sound like you are doing an amazing job.

Someone once said to me that having a baby is a bit like having an arranged marriage - sometimes you connect straight away but sometimes you have to get to know each other before you fall in love. Certainly for the first few months of DD's life I felt strongly protective and a bit in awe of her, but it took a while to enjoy having her. For me it did get easier when she got more interactive and started to smile - in the meantime I just propped her up on cushions or in a bouncy chair and chatted and sang at her. Another useful phrase: fake it til you make it! Keep pretending that you're enjoying yourself and he will too.

Do you have any baby massage classes nearby? That's lovely for helping enjoy spending time with the baby - lots of skin to skin contact and you can do it at home once you know what to do. Failing that YouTube videos taught me the basics.

Hang in there. It does get better!

[Spanner83]

Thank you so much for your responses I am sat here crying but feeling a lot better having read your comments. I will try to take it each day as it comes and fingers crossed it will get better.

[AmberEars]

I think your relationship with your own mum could be part of the reason why you're feeling this way. Having a baby sometimes makes you question bits of your own childhood which you thought you had laid to rest. Could you seek counselling to discuss your relationship with your mum?

On the other hand it may just be baby blues and you'll start feeling better soon. The first six weeks is hard!!

[3luckystars]

I think it's nice to have flufgy expectations beforehand but it's better to let them all go now. It's really really hard having your first baby and a lot of work. 95%shit my sister says, which is terrible but it always makes me laugh.

often times writing it down helps, so I hope this thread gives you some reassurance. Don't worry that you are not connecting or whatever you call it, you are keeping him alive and he thinks you are the bees knees. In a few weeks time he will smile or laugh at you and react more and things will get better every week. Just because you are getting sleep, you are sill tired! You are recovering from birth and months of pregnancy, and your workload has multiplied by one million.

[polkadotdelight]

I think at 6 weeks the adrenaline of having a new baby has worn off and for family/friends the novelty has a bit too which leaves you with the groundhog day of a newborn. Just keep plodding along, you are doing better than I did at that stage!

[LuchiMangsho]

As a been there done that Mum (DS is nearly 5, pregnant again after a long struggle), I can tell you the newborn phase is beyond boring. I found everything after 18 months a doddle- even the terrible twos. Well, not a doddle but certainly better than a newborn. Newborns are so boring. My 5 year old and I curl up after school on Fridays when I work from home and we watch the Bake Off together. We have actual conversations, sometimes (frequently) bonkers one. He is a lovely, kind, funny, clever thing with a personality of his own. I didn't know that when he was a newborn. I just remember the repetitive cycle of feeding, changing, burping, the odd bit of playing and never knowing WHAT they want. Hang in there! They do morph into actual people and it gets much better.

[TheChineseChicken]

I felt the same and nearly four months in still have days when I wonder if it was a mistake. I love DD totally and utterly but it's really hard and lonely. I'm also constantly questioning myself and thinking I am doing things badly / am a crap mother.

I cried a lot in the first weeks, far beyond the few days of baby blues they tell you about. Huge sobs, daily!! I was shocked by how I felt and how difficult I found being a mother. I hate being out of control.

However, it does get easier and more enjoyable and the bad moments become less frequent. You will feel happier and more connected with your baby, I'm absolutely sure of it. And soon you'll be writing a post like this for someone else.