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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Parenting

Term Time Fatigue of 10 yr old

17 replies

Quillstar · 02/10/2016 11:19

Does anyone have else find their child becomes really difficult as term progresses? It seems for my nearly 10 year old ds, he is harder to handle at the weekends the more strict his teacher mid week is. He is perfect at school and very intelligent. He loves after school activities too but by the weekend he shouts and screams and refuses to go anywhere even if it is to go places for children or to buy him things .He is ruining our family weekends and I don't want to give in and always stay home. Although that is exactly what I have given in to do today although he has to stay in his room. It's not fair on the family as a whole but I can't get through and I don't want to be having all this stress at the weekends.

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Middleoftheroad · 02/10/2016 11:27

My 10 yrold DTS like to relax of a weekend but they don't shout or scream etc.

It sounds like yr DS has the run of the house which isn't on. I think you make it clear that it is everybody's weekend.

If that fails take stuff away

Gosh I sound harsh!!!!

FeckinCrutches · 02/10/2016 11:30

I don't really think he should be having tantrums at his age. How old are your other children?

Geillis · 02/10/2016 11:30

Is he over tired? What's his bedtime like? My 10yo goes at 8.30 but wakes really early (5.30am) and it has a massive knock on effect by the weekend..

originalmavis · 02/10/2016 11:33

My ds is a lazy bugger but doesn't kickoff when he is tired. He does get a bit grumpy before term end as they do get worn out.

Knock this on the head now - when preteen kicks in it will be a nightmare!

Keep it calm, planned out and let everyone know what the plan is - so no 'Grab your coat, we're going shopping now'. Make sure he has some down time too when he chooses what he wants to do, but make sure he knows that it's give and take in families.

kenicka · 02/10/2016 11:36

My 11-year-old is like this. In all honestly I think he is slightly on the spectrum. Very mildly, but you can't cope in the run-up to his birthday or Christmas either. At school he is impeccably behaved, and sometimes the only time to stop for misbehaving at home is to threaten to report his bad behaviour at school. I have found with him very clear instructions of what we are doing the following day really helps resolve it. Also a clear punishment for any behaviour with clear warnings and outcomes of what will happen if he breaks them. This includes having a massive paddy. also if he is having a tantrum, to walk away and leave him to it. Provoking him, as DH and sometimes I have a tendency to do because it is fucking annoying, obviously only escalate the problem. Have a read around low-level AS, it may not be relevant at all to your child. None of my other three are anything like him. It can be very drainingand I am a bit fearful about him becoming a teenager

originalmavis · 02/10/2016 11:40

A relative who is an authority in child behaviour always says - its all about planning, keeping family life calm and a bit boring, organised and have clear punishment and rewards . And keep a sense of humour - kids will try to wind you up!!

Quillstar · 02/10/2016 11:47

The other children are girls, 5 and 2 and I worry about them watching his behaviour. They are great but he takes up all the emotional energy. I take things away and it makes no difference .So now he has been in his room three hours and has just calmed down and started drawing. He has moved on but we haven't. And me and the little one have been stuck indoors. I have tried every approach but it's like control with him. We aren't he kind of people to totally map out a weekend. Sometimes you get him out and he is then fine but by then the rest of us are in a bad mood .Its been going on for years. It's not like he is football training every night like some kids are, he gets down time .He is starting to stay awake later despite being in bed which I feel like is maybe him getting a bit older but it has a knock on .He is in bed by 8pm and asleep by 9pm .We are at the end of our tether with the tantrums .He wouldn't even come out yesterday to get new football boots for training although when he eventually came he was fine. By the time he was happy we were all emotionally spent. I don't want to feel badly towards him but I do .He has to write a letter now explaining how he affects the family but he doesn't seem to take these exercises on board. What can we do? I don't want people we know seeing us out and about dealing with him.

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Quillstar · 02/10/2016 11:52

I have considered the spectrum thing a lot with him. I don't want to have this relationship of constant punishments and consequences. I worry it will affect his self esteem the in the long run. Should I just get a weekend babysitter for him until he wants to do things with us or will that just make him feel rejected?

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Quillstar · 02/10/2016 12:13

Kenica, do you find if you say 'we have to go to (e.g.) Ikea to get x', then it becomes 'How long will it take to get there. How long will it be? And then what" etc etc?

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Quillstar · 02/10/2016 12:18

So just got his sorry letter which says "I'm sorry for having a tantrum about minecraft" (the start of tantrums) "You have the right to ban it forever but you are kind if you don't .I'm super sorry and you give me a lot"
Seems to miss all the other tantrums and how he has made everyone feel. Is one of those 'communicate by writing my feelings in a book' a good idea for him?

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FeckinCrutches · 02/10/2016 12:24

Just realised you posted this in extra curricular activities, you might want to get it moved to get more traffic

Quillstar · 02/10/2016 12:36

How do you move it?

OP posts:

FeckinCrutches · 02/10/2016 12:40

Report your post to Mumsnet and they will move it

DawnMumsnet · 02/10/2016 13:11

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Parenting topic at the OP's request.

yongnian · 02/10/2016 13:29

This is my 10yo DD to a tee. She has high-functioning Autism, dyspraxia and sensory issues. Even if you don't feel it might be necessary to explore that further for your DS, it may be worth checking out the SEN boards for links to parenting techniques geared to kids on the spectrum, particularly with PDA techniques (Pathological Demand Avoidance). These have worked better for DD than anything else. But it is still very very very hard, and I totally empathise OP. Sorry I can't link to any relevant threads just now but if I can find them I will.

Quillstar · 02/10/2016 14:00

I hadn't heard of PDA before so thanks yongnian. Some characteristics fit and others don't as always seems to be the case when I look at the autism characteristics. I will check out the SEN boards .

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TeenAndTween · 03/10/2016 20:59

I think you should try an earlier bedtime.

DD2 has just started secondary. Her light is now going out 8:30/8:45 (wake up 7:20) as she is shattered.

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