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Co-parenting issue - can't tell if I'm overthinking this or not?!

(3 Posts)
ohwhatsinausername Wed 28-Sep-16 22:03:28

Trying to cut a long story short, sorry if I waffle! It sounds trivial now I'm writing it down but it's really bothering me for some reason!

DD1 (2yrs old, will be 3 in Dec) is waiting for an appt with orthotics because her ankles bend inwards - likely she could need insoles to correct.

Is in need of new shoes but didn't want to buy now, to buy again soon after, if these affect shoe size etc. Waiting for orthotics advice as budget is very tight.

Once appt has been dealt with, would like to spend money getting her the right, decent pair to help with this. ExP knows all this...

Went away with family recently, too wet for her normal shoes, not wet enough for wellies - found a discount factory, cheap shoe shop to buy some for the holiday to keep her feet dry for the few days we were away. They were only £5, so I made it fun and let her pick which she wanted!

She chose a hideous, bright pink & green pair of trainers, that I wouldn't have bought her myself but her little face lit up when she saw them.

Checked them over and they fitted well, haven't rubbed etc, so I knew they were fit for purpose for the short term (appt is in less than two weeks now)

She insisted on wearing them to her Daddy's tonight, so I commented when I dropped her off saying along the lines of "Temporary shoes...she picked them herself, that's all"

He just looked at them, in front of DD1 and said "Oh ffs, she's not a (don't want to say on here as don't wish to offend anyone)"

Now I know they're only shoes...but I feel a bit upset that he didn't pay any attention to the fact his own daughter picked what she wanted to pick and was proud of doing so?

ExP is very difficult to co-p with and is prob narc too and is very aware of his image and OW image etc - in fact, she's often doing DD1's hair in older styles etc, which is another story!

I just feel they're pushing this on DD1 to look good, rather than enjoy being a kid. It's not like she's in school yet, so could be subject to be picked on or anything stupid (what rubbish times we live in!)

I don't want it to sound like she's spoilt either - I don't just buy her things because she asks for them. We were on holiday and it was a bit of her spending money.

I just can't stop over-thinking the bigger picture about how I don't like him projecting onto DD1 how she has to look all the time, as even though she's only little now, I don't want her growing up thinking there's a certain way she has to be?

I'm not explaining this very well but I know what his own Mother was like with him, from what he told me during our time together and it made him feel like shit. I'm worried he can't see that's what he could end up doing to DD1, if I didn't find a way of saying something now?

Over-reacting or not?!

Lilacpink40 Wed 28-Sep-16 22:12:26

You're doing nothing wrong. If he carries on like that he'll push your DD away. My ex and his mum have done so with my DD by being controlling.

Keep doing the good job that you're doing!

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 10:03:37

I feel your pain here op. I'm all about expression and finding yourself from an early age, having choices, obvs there is a time and a place to wear certain things. Where as my exp who lives with new wife's 2 daughters dresses al girls in exactly the same stuff. They get no choice what so ever and look like the Von traps, it's strange. Let the girl wear the wellies, what does it matter to him really??
I would like to know what the offensive word is

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