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Dd is CONSTANTLY telling everyone she is gay. Is this a phase? When will it end?

(15 Posts)
SooWrites Tue 27-Sep-16 22:16:32

I do not give a shiny shit if she is gay as long as she is happy. My family do not give a shiny shit of she is gay as long as she is happy. We just wish she would be quietly gay, like all the other gay people who do not feel the need to remind you every five fucking minutes that they are gay.

It's been going on for three months now. You cannot have a conversation with her for more than five minutes without her suddenly anouncing "I'm gay."

She wrote "I'm gay love dd" on my sister's wedding memory photo frame thing.

She sends me articles on gay teenagers.

She makes me listen to songs about being gay.

She sends me links to YouTubers talking about being gay.

When you ask if she is actually gay, she never answers. I've asked if she wants an actual conversation or advice about her sexuality, she never answers. I've made it very clear that we all love her regardless of her sexuality.

For the last month I've just replied "That's nice, dear" or ignored her totally when she tells me she is gay or shows me media posts about being gay.

When will it stop?

She's 14 btw.

SpookyRachel Tue 27-Sep-16 22:20:54

Well, at a guess.... she's doing it because she's 14. Hence self-absorbed, on a quest for personal identity, excited about this new adventure?

I came out at 19, was pretty obsessed by it for a year or two (not quite to her level, but I had another five years of maturity). In the end I bored myself a bit and calmed right down grin

Whatever you do, don't give her a reason to feel oppressed and misunderstood in her own home. Keep smiling, this too will pass! (I don't mean being gay, but sending home carrier pigeons announcing "3pm and I'm still gay!")

yeOldeTrout Tue 27-Sep-16 22:20:58

hahaha, has she made you watch Rocky Horror yet?
Can you steer the convo to other topics, like what her friends did today, or who beat up which yr7 boy?

SpookyRachel Tue 27-Sep-16 22:23:06

A bit more seriously, though, when people say "I don't give a shiny shit about you being gay" (as they do on MN quite a lot) it can come across as a bit dismissive, as minimising the big deal that coming out still is. So perhaps avoid that kind of language, and steer more to the "I'm happy you've found what makes you happy" type stuff.

Amandahugandkisses Tue 27-Sep-16 22:25:21

I'm confused when you say that you ask her if she's actually gay and she never answers.

SooWrites Tue 27-Sep-16 22:31:09

When she first started sying it, it was along the lines of such and such thinks I am gay. X told Y that I was gay today. X sent me a message asking if I am gay etc.

If I asked if she was gay, she'd just smile.

Then I made the mistake of saying, "Well, I agree, I think you are gay," just to get her to either come out properly and stop talking about it or deny it and stop talking about it.

It didn't work. She just changed "x says I'm gay" to "I'm gay."

It wasn't a huge reveal or anything, she just walked past me on her way to the toilet one day and said "I'm gay," when I asked if she was being serious she declined to answer.

She hasn't discovered Rocky Horror Show yet.

originalmavis Tue 27-Sep-16 22:37:42

I suppose you could just respond with 'I thought your name was Mary?'and yawn loudly to that statement. It's really no biggie.

Teens really do think the world revolves around them 'don't they? Were we all that self absorbed?

scrumptiouscrumpets Wed 28-Sep-16 12:08:18

Could it be that she'd like some kind of dramatic reaction on your part ? Perhaps she just wants to provoke and irritate you, and this is the way she has chosen to do it. She might be gay or she might not be, that's irrelevant, perhaps she is really annoyed by your calm attitude and what she wants is for you to lose it. I don't know how this could help solve your situation, it's just an idea.

specialsubject Wed 28-Sep-16 12:10:07

one firm conversation:

'if you are gay, that's fine. Now please tak about something else because people who endlessly say the same thing are annoying and boring'.

NapQueen Wed 28-Sep-16 12:10:59

"God I wish I'd had a pound for every time you say that!"

smileyhappypeople Wed 28-Sep-16 12:16:03

could she be meaning gay as an insult? so she doesn't mean she is actually a lesbian.
gay is used around here as quite a light hearted insult (it shouldn't be)...
like 'omg that kick was so gay' if it wasn't a 'manly' kick of the football.

or could it just be an 'in' joke with her friends. some weird teenage thing where they think its really hilariously funny to just say 'I'm gay' to everything?

smileyhappypeople Wed 28-Sep-16 12:18:22

just doesn't sound like something you would write on a wedding card if you are actually seriously gay.

NNChangeAgain Wed 28-Sep-16 12:20:41

Declaring their sexuality as part of every conversation is a common trait of many of the teens I work with. I don't know if it's done for shock factor, or because sex is (at that age) one of the things uppermost in their mind hmm

I tend to ignore it (or use the 21st century equivalent of "that's nice dear"). Many of them change their definitions of themselves, too - one week it's all "Im gay" and the next week it's "Im bi".

EssentialHummus Wed 28-Sep-16 12:32:39

Apologies if this sounds like a mad suggestion, but could you get her involved in LGBT activities for young people / a lesbian youth group? It sounds like she's very anxiously trying to assert her identity, almost waiting for someone to react/question/be dismissive. Might be good for her to meet slightly older gay people who are more secure in themselves and whose sexuality is more subsumed into a broader sense of self.

SooWrites Wed 28-Sep-16 15:08:24

I did actually find her a LGBT youth group, but was worried it might prolong this phase. I'll mention it to her.

She has LGBT role models who do not need to follow everything with they say with "I'm gay, btw, just in case you forgot since the last time I reminded you."

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