Discipline??

[daisychainn]

Hi all!
Just a quick question.. my dd will be 8 months in a few days time and I'm just wondering how others go about disciplining your children of this age, should you do it at all? I know a child of 8 months can't really do anything 'naughty' they're just being babies but it's crossed my mind recently as dd is starting to be more mobile she's constantly touching the kitchen bin, I've done all I can to keep it out of her reach and keep her out of the kitchen but sometimes it's inevitable, i tell her 'no' but she thinks it's a game, my dp says we should start being stern with her now so she'll understand and when he says 'no' he says it in a much more stern voice and she just looks confused to me? But I know she understands she's not supposed to touch it as she looks at me and waits for me to say no so I'm abit confused as to what they actually understand at this age? That's just one example anyway. I know touching something she shouldn't at this age doesn't need real discipline as they're just exploring but what age would you consider using a naughty step ect? For bigger incidents I mean not just touching a bin, I'm worried if we don't nip it in the bud or teach her that she must stop touching things if we tell her to she'll touch something that could be dangerous because she thinks it's a game. I'm not completely stupid I've got those rubber corner things and plug socket protectors, things to stop the door slamming ect and I watch her like a hawk I'm just looking for other people's opinions really and how I can make her understand more, if I can that is..

That was longer than I expected if anyone is still reading, thank you this is my first bubba and still learning, and curios as to what they can actually understand right now, I'm fascinated by her

[ShallNotBeNamed]

I have found that the only thing at this age is distraction, if you use an assertive 'no' to often then when there is a danger, such as touching something hot then it won't work the same if that makes sense, i tend to just distract and say 'no touching the bin, look here's a ...' i'm not sure how much my DS understands but I say it anyway to try and teach him! Hope that all makes sense! It is a fun age though isn't it?

[dlnex]

Hi, what is wrong with her touching the bin? Is it a big shiny one she is attracted to maybe? Can she get inside it? Touching the outside of a bin and touching rubbish inside are different really, assuming you wipe the outside of the bin from time to time. Please stop trying to make her into a naughty child - which she is not and focussing on discipline. Put her in her buggy and go out for a walk, take her to a library, or something. Go back to work and let her go to a day nursery if you are bored at home. You are going to have to let some stuff go, and pick your fights, or you will both be miserable.

[Soubriquet]

I didn't discipline until recently

Dd is 3 and half and is now pushing her luck so needs reprimanding

Before that it was a combination of no and distraction. They don't understand

[Soubriquet]

Oh and plug socket protectors are not seen as safe anymore

[TeaBelle]

I really try not to say 'no' unless it's really needed. I give a positive alternative instead - dd, come and play with this mixing bowl. Then she's clear about what I want her to do. Also huge praise for following requests

[daisychainn]

Thank you for the first comment, it was a big help! It's a lovely age they're at I'll definitely try the distraction method, she has hundreds of toys but would much rather sit and poke the bin, always the way with little ones isn't it!

To the person telling me to get out of the house or we'll be bored?.. where in my post did I say anything about being stuck in the house or not going out? We go out every single day.. just this morning we were out feeding the ducks, and now we are waiting for our friends and her little one to come over, I merely asked a question, it's not a constant things she's doing I just wanted some knowledge on how to prevent her from doing it, it's not the end of the world no but like I mentioned before that's just one example, the bin is shiny yes and I do wipe it down with disinfectant every day as I do her toys, high chair ect, but it's still not the most hygienic thing for her to be touching is it?? I asked a simple question and you seem to want to put me down for being 'stuck indoors and making us both miserable' what on earth gave you that idea?

And to the other comment, thanks for letting me know about the plug sockets! I had no idea they weren't safe anymore? Do you know the reason for this?

[daisychainn]

I'm a big fan of praise, as is she I'll take your comment on board! Thank you

[gandalf456]

It's your house and you have every right to tell her not to touch the bin if you don't want her to. Once you get too stuck on seeing the child's point of view on everything, it's a slippery slope and before you know it, you've lost control. It's a guilt thing isn't it. It IS Ok to have boundaries even on things that don't have much consequence even if it's about things that are just irritating. Otherwise you start to resent them a bit

[daisychainn]

Yes completely, thank you for seeing it from my point of view! It's not even just about the bin I was using that as an example as it's the only thing I can think of that she's been doing lately that I'd prefer if she didn't do, I was really asking for future situations where I may not have the knowledge on how to discipline the right way. My mother was always way to soft with me I never had any boundaries and looking back I really wish I did! As I was allowed to rule the roost as a child I don't want my child being able to do the same thing but obviously I'm not 100% on how to go about that because my mothers weakness was discipline, it's always been my worry! But I'm an over thinker

[RiverTam]

At this age she can't be naughty, as you said, so it's about keeping her safe mainly, but also sometimes things just need to be done. 'No' and moving her/the object is all that's appropriate at this age. I think I would only shout in fear, for example if she was close to touching the oven, which may or may not get that particular message home, but it's not a technique to be used at this age.

IME, blokes can tend to be more about discipline in a way that isn't really done these days. The basis should be (except in an emergency) to teach the child the 'why' behind the 'no'. Otherwise you could easily end up with an obedient child who is a bad decision-maker i.e. me.

[gandalf456]

I was too soft on mine too for the above reasons. A lot of the guilt came from other mums too 'oh she's just exploring, it's so much fun, it's only a bin, she's on tiny, doesn'tunderstand etc. I wish I'd gone my own way a bit my twelve year old is a tyrant at the moment. I know it does no harm to show them you aren't pleased. Try different things. Sometimes it's a firm no and removing them, others it's distraction or a change of scene aka leaving the house. I found they get more annoying if tired too

[ShallNotBeNamed]

Glad it helped, sometimes we just need someone to tell us we're doing alright

[SnotGoblin]

Repetition and distraction is the only way to try and steer behaviour at this age (and for many months/years to come). As pp said above move her away from the bin, tell her 'no touching the bin' and oooh look a 'whatever is close to hand that is okay for to touch/investigate'.

[daisychainn]

The only form of 'discipline' I have been using so far is 'no' and moving her away, you are right though my partner does seem to think If you're more stern to begin with they'll learn quicker although I think he's doubting himself now as she tries to go back to the bin each time with a smile on her face I'm all for explaining the reasons behind the 'no' I think that's what my mum lacked, at 8 months old I think she'd look at me like I'm mad though (like she does when I chat away to her on a Dailey basis) haha

The guilt thing definitely gets to you I agree, especially as a first time mum, that's the main reason I came on here to ask for advice, being soft with your children can do just as much damage as being harsh IMO, I'm a product of too soft parenting and I grew up with no boundaries which did me no good, my daughter will know what's right and wrong but some people like to put you down I've found, which is sad but one of the reason I ask for advice anonymously! I've never had to discipline a child before there's no rule book for this stuff, I'm greatful for everyone's advice

Yes sometimes all you need is just to be told you're not doing it completely wrong! thank you

[gandalf456]

Explanations will probably be over her head unless short sharp. No Mummy's bin or 'dirty' and hold your nose would suffice

[Orsono]

She doesn't understand she's not supposed to touch it - she understands that when she touches it you say 'no'. And when your DP says 'no' he says it louder! It's not surprising she looks at you when she does it, because it's exciting for her to make a predictable impact on the world. Doing it again is not naughtiness, it's experimenting with cause and effect and her power to influence the things around her. There's no point 'disciplining' her, you just have to move her away from the bin or whatever else it is.

[dlnex]

Agree with Orsono on the reinforcement pattern which has now been established by touching the bin.
OP - the idea that you are considering 'discipline' in an 8 month year old child, was where I jumped to the conclusion that you are 'miserable'
It is wearing having small children. Being mildly child centric at times can pay off - my DD is 12 and puts the bins out. I don't have to ask.
If you are recycling correctly, and cleaning your bin is probably pretty clean. At some point you will require your DD to clear up after herself and use a bin - think of it as practice!

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

The reason why socket covers aren't safe

www.fatallyflawed.org.uk/

[gandalf456]

In a way, yes, there is reinforcement but if you are consistent that it's not a positive reaction she will learn different emotions.

My kids don't touch all manner of stuff they did when babies. My youngest also ate mud but, luckily it wasn't practice for the future - even gardening. Probably because when I caught him, I stopped him

[bogginsthedog]

Dlnex you've projected SO much on this thread.

Op I have an 11m old who likes to crawl in the fireplace, I just say no and then distract her, I think it's all you can do at this age.

[daisychainn]

Thank you all for your comments
I would like to just point out when I say 'discipline' I'm not trying to make out she's 'naughty' I don't mean putting her on a naughty step etc I just wanted some guidance on this particular new thing she's doing, I've taken most of your advice and the distraction method seems to be working, thank you
However I did only use this one situation as an example, I was really asking when real 'discipline' should be enforced and what they understand at this age, of coarse I know she's not naughty, infact she's a dream to be around, such a content little girl! But there will be times in the future I may need to use things such as the naughty chair, or to just use the word 'no' and I was hoping for someone to be able to explain when they'll understand that no mean no- as of yet I'm aware she thinks I'm babbling a load of rubbish!
To be quite honest, her touching the bin isn't even that big of an issue as she's so small I was wondering how to deal with situations like this In the future when she understands more
I'm a first time parent to a nearly 8 month old who's discovering new things and getting into everything she can- it can be daunting! I didn't mean to ruffle anyone's feathers, I think the discipline has been used too much here also, I was merely talking about the world 'no' maybe I phrased it wrong.

[SnotGoblin]

I think I get what you're talking about. There is no real 'aha now is the time for discipline' moment. It's a process you keep building on. A series of words and actions (constant, mind numbingly frustrating repetitions and distractions.

Time out/removing your attention comes in a bit later (around 16-18 months old) but all this is dependent on you, your partner, your child and the behaviour you're trying to shape. There isn't a one size fits all package.

Books like Toddler Taming are really helpful when thinking about behaviours and discipline.

Good luck.

[Orsono]

I don't really understand what you mean by 'when does no mean no?' It means no now, because presumably when you say it you move her away from the bin (I know the bin is just an example, but whatever it is you don't want her doing). So when you set a boundary by saying no, you enforce that boundary by stopping her doing the thing.

If you mean when will she just stop touching the bloody bin in the first place, then probably not for quite a while. But enforcing those boundaries every time now will eventually mean she does understand that she just shouldn't do it. It sounds like you're doing it right to me. (And you have my admiration for disinfecting your bin every day. Now my bin, she really wouldn't want to touch! )

[daisychainn]

Thank you, I just meant like when will she really understand that when I say 'no' it means don't do it, but I get where you're coming from in the way you just have to be persistent and it should become clear to her sooner or later, I plan on buying the books later on it's something I can't afford to slack on. I'm sorry if I've confused anyone with this post I guess I was just a little confused myself which is why I asked.. I think it's just one of those things that will fall into place sooner or later, like a previous person already said there's no single moment she'll suddenly just get it. Thanks all for your comments and I really didn't want to come across though I wasn't coping with my 8 month olds behaviour because (though no 8 month old could do anything 'naughty') she really is the most loving child (mainly towards the bin ) i wouldn't change her for the world and I really don't want to get it wrong because she deserves the best parenting which is why I asked

And about disinfecting the bin.. of coarse I have slack days but once dd is in bed I run a cloth with disinfectant over everything, I quite enjoy it I find it therapeutic haha plus dd is at an age where everything goes in her mouth so it's peace of mind really!

[dlnex]

boggins - yes, acute observation. I am not germ obsessed ( dirty house), value recycling , have a child plays a part in domestic chores. I find it distressing that the OP wants to 'discipline' 8 month year old child. A home where the naughty step is being attempted at such a young age, and both parents are persistantly pointing out behaviour which is not really naughty sounds utterly miserable to me. It's a bin. Not a waste tip in a developing nation.