HV told me to stop cuddling baby to sleep/feel fed up

(77 Posts)
Sun1983 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:10:27

little boy is 7.5 month. HV asked how I put him to sleep. Explained I cuddle him in he has to have my hair to play with (Iv tried to discourage this and gave him "mr blanky" as a comfort so he had something when I'm not there but now he has to have both!) she said I'm stopping him from learning that he has to fall asleep on his own instead of needing me. It's not like he doesn't sleep through, Apart from the dummy falling out and his "leg banging" . She also said I should be thinking about putting him in his own room and that I'm trying to keep him a baby.
Tbh I've never been right since, Iv felt on a bit of a downer. I am now putting him down awake watching him on the monitor pulls at my heart strings seeing him looking to the side through the cot bars for me! Obv it's taking him ages to settle. And the thought of him being on his own when we put him in his own room and now seeing that he's looking for me well I'm dreading it. I've thought about me getting an air bed and going in with him so it's like one step at a time? But then I think me and my bf are just going to drift further apart seeing as we're sleeping in separate rooms? I'm fed up of thinking about it. Thing is bf snores too so he probs does disturb little boy during the night and him us with his leg banging.

ssd Sun 25-Sep-16 19:12:17

she said you are trying to keep an 7.5 month old a baby grin

HV's are a separate breed....

abbsismyhero Sun 25-Sep-16 19:15:40

Mine is three sometimes I still cuddle him to sleep even my seven year old likes to be cuddled from time to time

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:15:52

Your hv will have the experience of other parents who a year or 2 down the line are still doing what you are and it's not so sweet and cute then! Exhaustion and separate rooms don't make for a great relationship! My ds went in his own room at 7 months. I was still bf but had him sleeping through on the third night. Sent dh in to settle him and without the promise of his boobie juice he just went back to sleep!! Never woken up in the night since and he was 2 last week!

AppleJac Sun 25-Sep-16 19:16:07

This is why i wont see a health visitor. They fucking annoy me!!!!!!

Hes a baby for goodness sake! Hes not going to be needing to cuddle up to you to fall asleep when hes 21 is he?

They are small for such a short time that it really doesnt matter.

The best thing you can do is keep doing what is best for you and your son and be more assertive with the health visitor if you really must see them.

I ve very rarely seen a health visitor tbh. I find them just interfering busybodies.

43percentburnt Sun 25-Sep-16 19:19:23

And that's why I told the HV not to bother visiting. I have twins the same age, they are currently falling asleep feeding. I'm happy, they are happy and DH is happy. I'm sure the HV wouldn't be happy but hey she lives somewhere else.

Btw I co slept with DS until he was 2, he then got his big boy bed and rarely wakes in the night, if he wakes its for a wee and he returns happily to bed. He sleeps 12 hours a night. If I had a pound for every 'rod for your back' comment I could have retired by now.

JellyWitch Sun 25-Sep-16 19:20:28

My 7 year old still likes a cuddle at bed time. But it won't be long before he doesn't want to know. So I don't resent all the years boobing and cuddling him to sleep tjat have turned him into the affectionate snuggley boy it is.

If it works for you, don't worry about what the HV says. Enjoy cuddling your baby!

QueenLaBeefah Sun 25-Sep-16 19:23:21

She's an utter moron.

I listened to all this crap and it doesn't bloody work. My first was the worst sleeper ever and nothing ever stopped this. With my second I had the "ill do what I want attitude" and fed and held him to sleep and he was an amazing sleeper.

Life is short and cuddling a baby to sleep is one of the joys of parenthood.

lovelyleftrubbishright Sun 25-Sep-16 19:24:06

The HV's opinion is not gospel. If you want your son in your room then you have your son in your room, and cuddle him as much as you both want.
Keep him a baby! hmm What a silly thing for her to say.

Threebedsemii Sun 25-Sep-16 19:24:27

Really? If that's what they said you need to put in a complaint. They're a HV, it's none of their business how and why your son sleeps.

And dismiss the conversation

QueenLaBeefah Sun 25-Sep-16 19:29:06

Your baby is 7.5 months old and, naturally, you are treating him like a baby (what eith him being a baby and all that).

I really do think some HVs are in the wrong job and I have some concerns about their training.

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake Sun 25-Sep-16 19:29:41

It's true that babies who don't learn to self settle will become toddlers who can't self settle.

It depends on how you see the future panning out. If you're happy to do this long term then great, but there are many parents who live to regret not doing some sort of sleep training when their children were much younger (it's far easier when they are babies).

3luckystars Sun 25-Sep-16 19:30:05

Ignore. Lots of them don't even have children and they certainly don't have your children, so definitely ignore.

My experience with health visitors has been they will keep talking and prodding until they find a weak point and then start lecturing about what you are doing wrong. I met one lovely helpful one, and 3 like I described above. I am interested if you actualy asked for her advice or did she just start speeching?

Tumtitum Sun 25-Sep-16 19:32:00

If you're not concerned about their sleep then she should just shut up! I've been trying to put my teething DD to bed for two hours now (super early bedtime as we've been visiting family and she's knackered) and I bloody wish she would let me cuddle or feed her to sleep - it's not for want of trying!!!

TheLaundryLady Sun 25-Sep-16 19:32:02

Tell her to fuck off ! You know your baby best.

eyebrowsonfleek Sun 25-Sep-16 19:33:21

There are some shocking HVs around. When I was a mother of one I assumed that they were proper professionals (a sort of nurse/social worker hybrid) but after listening to some of their "advice" and talking to other mothers, I quickly realised that they are not some Supernanny type expert on kids.

Unless she's going to put your son to bed for each sleep, it's fine to ignore her advice and let her know that you're coping fine and don't need her help. I moved to the UK when my third child was 8 months old and he's been seen once by an HV. (He's 10 years old now) My first and second child saw the HV less than a handful of times combined. (They are teens now)

HappyHeart87 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:34:05

Ugh. Yet another example of a HV who doesn't understand her job. She's a health practitioner and as such should be giving you evidence-based advice and support.

Her opinion on your parenting choices and approach is absolutely irrelevant and it's completely inappropriate for her to have made those comments.

I agree with PP - make a friendly, warmly worded complaint to the area clinical lead. Say that you felt a bit uncomfortable with what you felt to be very subjective advice, and that in your opinion the HV stepped beyond her remit.

Yes I have a slight chip on my shoulder!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 25-Sep-16 19:34:51

HV is talking bollocks. Ignore.

AuditAngel Sun 25-Sep-16 19:35:00

You should do what makes you happy.

DS finally learned to go to sleep at 11.5 months, just before I went back to work, but he had reflux.

DD1 went into her own room at 3 months as she had been sleeping 7-7 since 6 weeks, and she was a noisy sleeper.

DD2 was fine, until we took her out of her cot, she sleeps with us 99% of the time, she is 6 next month. One day she won't want to.

HubrisComicGhoul Sun 25-Sep-16 19:35:14

I use the "smile and nod" technique to deal with health visitors.

Responding to your child's needs is not "keeping them as a baby" and this drive for children to be independent from their parents practically from birth is mental and not beneficial for anyone sad

Smile, nod when she talks and then do exactly what you want.

BeverlyGoldberg Sun 25-Sep-16 19:36:33

You're his mummy. You do what YOU feel is best for him.

Anyone and everyone will give you advice but your opinion is the only one that matters because you know him better than anyone else.

TheLadyWithTheYellowHat Sun 25-Sep-16 19:38:35

Health visitors advice should be taken with a pinch of salt. My ds had awful nappy rash, she told me to wash his bum every nappy change with a soap thats free from colour and smells, off i trotted to waitrose to buy their own make vegtable soap...... Safe to say it made it worse, cracked bleeding bum hole! Thats when i learnt to never ever listen to a health visitor again confused

Sun1983 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:39:28

Thanks everyone x
The replies have made me fill up haha. I only bloody took him to get weighed and in passing mentioned about his leg banging in his sleep. Which they (as in the hv and nursery nurse who gives out all the advise hvs do not sure if this is just in my area) and starting splurting out all that. I said all the same stuff as yous have said "won't be forever, won't even want a cuddle when he's older etc etc make the most of it now etc) and they looked at me like I was daft. I think at his 9-12 month check I'm not telling my hv anything it's not worth the upset or anxiety. .....still undecided about me going in the nursery with baby though? What did yous do? I no some mams can put the baby in own room and not mind being up and down and the baby going cold turkey so to spk from their mam during the night but I don't think I can? ...but also I no me and the boyfriend need to keep a bit of a relationship ha...

GrainOfSalt Sun 25-Sep-16 19:44:28

In the UK and some other parts of the western world many (not all) people have a weird obsession with putting babies in separate rooms and not 'babying' them. The UK and US in particular are obsessed with early bedtimes. The rest of the world think we are mad. In many Asian countries children co-sleep until they are toddlers when they are moved to a bed in the same room.

Many health visitors are great, some are abysmal and have their own weird agendas. My health visitor ran a sleep clinic and was most distressed that I was NOT distressed by my baby still breast feeding and sleeping in my room when he was 18 months. (I fed him to sleep until he self weaned; now he's six, has his own room and self settles... maybe I should give her a ring just to wind her up). I used the MN approach of smile and nod grin

Oh... and we cuddled all the time, and still do grin

GrainOfSalt Sun 25-Sep-16 19:46:08

Missed your last post - If you want to put him in his own room go for it - but cuddle away as much as you want grin

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