Worried about DP's care of baby DD(8 Posts)
DD is 4 months old and I'm starting to get worried about her safety around DP. He loves her dearly, that's obvious from his interaction with her but the past couple of weeks he's done a few things that have started to make me not trust him to keep her safe.
Last week he fell asleep with her on the sofa, just as I walked in the room he was starting to loosen his grip and drop her, I managed to shout and alert him and it was fine but my heart was in my mouth! I told him to put her down in future if he's tired.
Today he put her down for a nap on top of the breast pump with all the wires that he'd dumped in the Moses basket while he was tidying up I came down stairs to find it wrapped around her feet!
Now tonight he has put her in her cot with her face almost pressed in to cuddly toys he'd chucked in there while making the bed this morning! Not only that but next to her cot is a zip wardrobe with a sloping top that he'd rested his iPad on which could easily have slipped down on to her head.
Maybe I'm overreacting from lack of sleep but it's really bothering me, when I pointed these things out to him he acted as if I was being over the top. We have three DCs so it's not as if he's an inexperienced dad, but then surely it's common sense not to do these things? How can I get him to be more careful with her? I feel I shouldn't have to worry about her safety with him when I'm not there!
Or am I just being over cautious?
I would be worried about these things, especially the wires in the Moses basket as they could easily strangle. So no I don't think you're being over cautious. It's quite odd I think to be so blasé about a baby's safety.
I don't think you're being over cautious most of what you say he's done in your post is just common sense really?
He needs to pay a LOT MORE attention to what he's doing. Does he understand how quickly she could die if she choked or was strangled? And a head injury from dropping her or and iPad falling on her doesn't bear thinking about!
I spoke to him again this morning and made it clear I was worried about his ability to keep her safe. I also remembered another incident which I'd forgotten, when she was about 4 days old I fell asleep sitting up on the sofa one night while he was holding her, instead of waking me he put the baby next to me and went up to bed.
It was only by chance that I woke to find my blanket partially covering her face! I could have crushed her or suffocated her without knowing! I went ballistic at him for that one and he did apologise at the time.
I pointed out to him that these other incidences were really no different and had the potential to injure or even cause her death. He looked really hurt and tried to minimise but I stuck to my guns and he's apologised again, admitting that sometimes he just doesn't think that just made me angrier to be honest! How can you not think when it comes to the safety of your own baby?!
I'm not sure where to go from here but I've told him I'm not leaving her with him until her can gain my trust back, harsh but I'm not risking her safety to save his feelings.
It sounds like a harsh thing to do but I'd show him the terrible stories of when these things have gone wrong and parents haven't been as lucky as him. There are plenty of couch suffocation and strangulation stories out there.
It takes a while to get into the way of thinking and I think more so for fathers who sometimes haven't done the same amount of research as mums, though I've seen some mums spectacularly unaware too...he just need to "clear the area" of anything basically, and know that she can ONLY be left on a flat, clear surface.
Perhaps remind him that little DD isn't a tough cookie like your older DCs yet and remember that although what incidents you have listed wouldn't endanger older DCs they could definitely harm your baby.
I sometimes quote stories I've heard of such as suffocation etc. which has made DP realise how many little dangers there are to be aware of.
the wires one would really bother me - babies get strangled very easily. Show him some stories about babies being strangled on the cords that pull blinds.
Its quite an odd thing to do to put a baby down on top of a pile of wires - he sounds like he is either really exhausted or really lost in daydreams.
It's about being mindful - when you put a baby in a cot you put them in with nothing else in it....
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