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AIBU teenage son won't talk to me

(21 Posts)
AmritR212 Fri 16-Sep-16 11:00:14

My DS is 17 and doesn't talk to me about girls he may may like or talk to or anything like that. I push for a convo, I've even carried on until he's had to tell me if there is a girl he likes. I want him to talk and he just doesn't. Makes me feel upset even annoyed. Tried to snoop on his phone but he clears it. He's been talking to a girl (only know as my younger DS told me ) she is pretty and once I'd pushed for a response he opened up. Gave him some hints and tips on how to chat to girls and then backed off. Want him to know he can trust me but feel like I may just push it to much. Arghhhhh

ProbablyMe Fri 16-Sep-16 11:06:21

Very unreasonable!! And he clearly can't trust you, can he, if you're going to try and snoop. Try respecting him and his privacy!

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies Fri 16-Sep-16 11:23:27

Why do you need to know? Your behaviour will make him want to do anything BUT trust you. Snooping? Yuk!
Leave him alone. Respect his privacy. IF he wants you to know anything. He will tell you when he's ready.

If I were him putting up with your behaviour, I'd be moving out sharpish and run a million miles in the opposite direction.

DramaAlpaca Fri 16-Sep-16 11:26:43

It's none of your business. You need to back off, respect his privacy and stop snooping if you want to have a good relationship with him.

Shinyshoes2 Fri 16-Sep-16 11:27:55

Stop ! If my mum did this when I was 17 Id run a mile then run some more
He'll talk if and when he's ready . My son is EXACTLY the same at 16... Ive learnt to back off the more I pushed the more I got nowhere with him

VioletBam Fri 16-Sep-16 11:27:58

You're kidding right?

LittleBoat Fri 16-Sep-16 11:29:03

Leave the lad alone! Talk about other stuff - footy, what's for tea, the telly etc. He'll open up if and when he's ready.

yeOldeTrout Fri 16-Sep-16 11:31:59

what is he interested in (besides girls). What does he like to talk about. Ask him about what you both know he likes, not what you want him to tell you.

user1471734618 Fri 16-Sep-16 11:33:28


NerrSnerr Fri 16-Sep-16 11:34:47

This has to be a reverse. Are you the son?

If you are the mum then of course you're very very unreasonable. Leave the poor lad alone.

Heavens2Betsy Fri 16-Sep-16 11:35:51

Back off.
My DS is 16 and he barely talks to me about anything (unless he wants money!)
It's perfectly normal and as long as he knows he can talk to you if he needs to then you really shouldn't push him.
It is hard when your chatty happy little boy turns into a sullen moody teenager but it's a necessary part of growing up and he will respect you far more in the future if you respect his privacy now.

BertrandRussell Fri 16-Sep-16 11:36:45


FeckinCrutches Fri 16-Sep-16 11:38:37

Leave the poor boy alone! And snooping on his phone?? That's just awful.

alfagirl73 Fri 16-Sep-16 11:39:40

Of course he's not going to talk to you if you're interrogating him every 5 minutes and snooping in his private business!

Bottom line - it is HIS business... and he will talk to you about any relationship he is in (and anything else) IF and when HE decides, however, he certainly won't tell you anything if you are constantly harassing him about it.

He's 17 - not a little child. At 17 it's perfectly normal for him to want to maintain some privacy and to not tell you everything. Respect his privacy, give him space and stop pushing him. The more you push the more likely he is to be secretive.

And for the record, snooping on his phone is NOT the way to earn his trust! It's a one way ticket to making sure he tells you absolutely nothing.

MrsJayy Fri 16-Sep-16 11:41:03

You look on your sons phone why are you doing that? My dd wasnt chatty still isnt as an adult other Dd never stops talking why do you need your son to talk to you about girls and stuff you are not his mate

WatchingFromTheWings Fri 16-Sep-16 11:42:50

MYOB, YABU. I have a 16yo DS and a 14yo DD. I very occasionally ask if they have a BF/GF but they never say and I never push to know. None of my business. Though they do tend to rat each other out if there is someone! Certainly wouldn't go snooping. At that age your son is entitled to his privacy.

wigglesrock Fri 16-Sep-16 11:45:40

Well he can't bloody trust you if you're snooping on his phone? I'm a bit confused as to why him having a conversation with a "pretty" wtf girl means anything at all nevermind him needing to be pushed to talk about it.
I usually hate reverse threads but am hoping for your sons sake this is one of them.

CJCreggsGoldfish Fri 16-Sep-16 11:46:00

Back off. If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. I never talked to my mum about boys at all, I just found it really uncomfortable and she was very judgemental. When a keeper came along I did say something though. Pushing him is only going to damage your relationship.

AmritR212 Fri 16-Sep-16 14:16:17

Thanks for your honesty (in some places unnecessary in tone) however I get it. And I knew this deep down hence some of the terminology I'd used ie snooping. Yes part of the issue is knowing and understanding the growth and development of our emotional relationships with DC. When your DC have spoken to you about everything it is strange that they don't anymore. No I'm not his mate (in response to a comment) however I have brought my children up in a way that I am someone they can talk to, or so I feel. Younger DS is open and will ask and talk willingly. Eldest isn't very confident and I want to be able to help him but I understand that I may just be pushing him away instead. I've heard his dad say he was the same as him when he was younger and always ended up as a best mate to the girls he fancied. Thank for your comments. Sometimes you just need to hear it as it is I'm sure he will find his way!

MrsJayy Fri 16-Sep-16 19:13:23

They will talkto you if they want being a private person is not the same as not being able to talk to you chat about superficial stuff what they are watching what they are reading talk about his friends dont pry into his life and especially relationships your son might be gay and he might feeling uncomfy about you asking about girls girls all the time im not saying he is gay but the constant poking intotheir lives is awkward for them.

MrsJayy Fri 16-Sep-16 19:16:18

As i said before i have 2 Dds both adults 2 very different people D1 is very closed and private D2 wi
L talk abouteverything its more a personality thing than us not being close.

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