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When your parents get involved and offend you

(11 Posts)
Marriedwithchildren Tue 13-Sep-16 05:03:25

We have a new child (our first) and my parents have been round to see her a few times aa they do. The other day my mother text me to say they (her and my father) were not happy and concerned with the way I burb my child over my shoulder. Apparnetly I am too hard and don't realise my own strength.
We went to NCT classes and we were told to be firm when burbing, which I believe I am doing, but clearly I am not in my parnets eyes. This has really bothered me and I am now scared to wind her in case I am being too 'hard' with her. I can accept help and advice but this is just a kick in the teeth to us both as new parents when you just want support. The fact it has come from my parents makes it feel that much worse.

Am I wrong? Am I being too sensitive? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Feel I would be better off cutting my own hands off right now so I don't injure my child with my boxing like mits!

MinnowAndTheBear Tue 13-Sep-16 05:25:51

You are the judge of how hard (or not!) you are winding your child and you have to trust your own judgement. Don't take it too personally. It's not a comment aimed to bring you down. It's not a criticism of your whole parenting style. You will naturally be feeling really emotional right now, and it's easy to make things in to more than they are.
Your parents probably agonised before sending the text things like this should always be discussed face to face but felt they had to speak up. If you are going to welcome advice then you have to prepare yourself that some of it may be critical. If you can't handle that (said in the kindest possible way! It's tough being a new parent) you either need to completely ignore comments like this, or speak to your parents and explain that you find it unhelpful, and you'd rather they kept their opinions to themselves.

29redshoes Tue 13-Sep-16 05:28:59

I think that's a really strange thing for your parents to do, and a bit passive aggressive. They could at least raise it with you in person! I'm sure they have everyone's best interests at heart but it seems a bit OTT.

Babies are tough so I doubt you'll break her by burping her. Having said that, i don't actually bother with burping at all as I think the whole thing is a bit if a myth but that's personal preference!

If they've worried you could just put the baby over your shoulder and don't bother patting her, just holding babies upright is often enough to get a burp when they're tiny.

MinnowAndTheBear Tue 13-Sep-16 05:36:37

I agree that it's enough just to hold the baby upright. and I've argued with my husband about him whacking the baby too hard to wind him everyone's got their own technique I guess!

29redshoes Tue 13-Sep-16 05:40:58

minnow lol my DH thinks I'm crazy as I don't bother with winding at all. DD seems to have survived though. It's funny how wind in babies can provoke such strong views!

SmallBee Tue 13-Sep-16 05:41:56

I think people forget that babies aren't as fragile as they look.

My standard reply for things like this is ' oh I hadn't thought of that thank you. I'm sure it's fine but I'll check with the health visitor next time I see them to be safe '
It's turn up to you whether you actually check or not but at least they feel like they've been heard.

LadyMumble Tue 13-Sep-16 05:42:30

Dh and I used to criticise each other about burping techniques - I was the harder burper and he worried I would hurt ds, he used to just about tickle ds's back and I worried ds would suffer with wind. Each of us offended the other and looking back it was ridiculous as ds was fine and both methods brought his wind up although I am still sure my way was quickest.

If you were hurting your baby then they would yelp and cry, does this happen? If you were being too forceful perhaps it would leave a mark on your baby's skin, you could check if there is any reddening or bruising; if there is then certainly you will need to reassess your technique immediately, however I think you would already know if this was the case. If there was anything to worry about, you would know anyway.

Another winding technique that I found effective with ds was to sit him on my lap with his legs out in front of him, holding him underneath his shoulders and moving his upper body around in circles. This was the quickest way to bring wind up with him. If your confidence has been rocked with burping over the shoulder then you could give this technique a try. I'm sure there are others as well but would need to google as I can no longer remember them all.

Runningbutnotscared Tue 13-Sep-16 06:15:25

Personally I'm a pop on the shoulder and rub kinda winder .... Seems to produce more poo than burp (and will bobble the back of all the babygrows in time).
I agree with PP that it's a little passive aggressive to text when they could have said in person.
Everyone has / will have an opinion on every single aspect of your parenting if you let them. I like to smile and say 'oh thank you, I hadn't thought of that' and carry on with what I was going to do anyway if the advice is rubbish.
I was told to put jam on my nipples to help with breastfeeding yesterday!

Believeitornot Tue 13-Sep-16 06:21:23

Maybe they were scared because they didn't want to offend so thought texting was the better option? They're coming from a good place.

fabulous01 Tue 13-Sep-16 06:26:54

I think it is weird.
But I would reply with the suggestion of health visitor.

Marriedwithchildren Tue 13-Sep-16 12:03:24

Thanks for all your replies, nice to see what other people think.
I am feeling better about it, just wish it had been said in person rathet than a text likw it was.

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