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Help us with some improved parenting...

(2 Posts)
Whattodowithaminute Sun 11-Sep-16 12:10:46

We have 3 DS, ds1 just 5, ds2 3y 5mo ds3 5 weeks. I know a lot has changed in their worlds with arrival of ds3, ds1 started school last week and ds2 changed from nursery to preschool so overall a lot of upheaval.

Behaviour from ds1 has deteriorated appallingly, he is testing boundaries, some low level irritating behaviour like throwing things he's been told not to, e.g scissors, Rice Krispies, to more serious pushing his brother forcefully to the point where he's falling over and hurt himself. Tray we had booked an activity for ds1 I the morning, (which he had said he wanted to do) he refused to engage, sulked kicked and following warnings we left, the same happened to the following activity.

Ds2 is being wilfully attention seeking, yesterday ripped up the construction his brother had just made, jumping around at bedtime, now getting dressed etc.

We have tried enforcing time out for both but ds2 thinks this is a game despite repeatedly putting him back.

I'm tired and yesterday they wound me up to the point I physically dragged them into time out-it's not working for any of us-what do I do?
I don't know where to start but feel we need an overall of discipline and management and I need some strategies to control my temper too. I know I'm not modelling appropriate behaviour for them...

Don't need a flaming but desperate for some practical strategies... I felt so bad about this last night I hardly slept

Drmum123 Tue 13-Sep-16 22:03:43

Don't beat yourself up! We all have terrible days with children and you are dealing with a newborn. My children have similar age gaps to yours, but we are two years on! What I do is try positive parenting. Basically what this means is that I ignore any low level annoying behaviour but praise any good behaviour. So what I would do when he is throwing rice crispies is completely ignore him, but if his brother is eating nicely..... Heap on the praise there. Then the minute your older one stops start praising him.... Basically positive reinforcement instead of negative. Decide with your husband which behaviours are deal breakers e.g for us it is hitting and being disrespectful and which aren't e.g not putting on a coat, bad table manners etc. When mine do bad behaviour they get a warning and then a natural and logical consequence (eg if they are fighting over a toy, the toy gets removed). I only use time out as a last resort if child has really lost their temper, at this point I take them for "chill out", they are allowed to come out as soon as they are calm. If you have a particular behaviour you want to work on a specific reward chat can help. I know this seems really soft and I was more of a disciplinarian but it honestly didn't work as well. I also find that I have better days because when you are looking for stuff to praise you see all the good stuff they are doing and you are more positive about them.

But also give yourself a break.... This is a time of great change for you and your little ones, things will settle down with time! Good luck!

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