Getting so sick of breastfeeding.

[Luckystar1]

DD is 4 weeks old. She has been ebf since birth. I breastfed DS until I was 3 months pregnant and was sort of looking forward to breastfeeding again.

DD took to it straight away, no issues. After about 2 weeks she would scream constantly at the breast due to wind so I had her tongue tie snipped. That helped, but now she will sleep, wake up ravenous, I try and feed her immediately , she screams, will fuss, feeds hungrily (huge swallows very quickly), then off screaming again. I wind I do all I can but the whole day can be spend with her bobbing on and off and generally dicking around.

I'm getting a bit sick of it as DS is 22 months and it's literally either me holding, feeding or placating the baby all day long.

I should add (touch wood) at night, we have none of this.

I worry about her intake etc (nappies etc seem OK) but her feeds are maximum 8 minutes and during the day it can sometimes take 45 mins to get her to feed for that 8 mins!

It's a bloody pain in the arse. Part of me just wants to say 'fuck it you're having a bottle' and the other wants to give her what I have DS (who was never tainted by the devil formula )

Just a rant I suppose. It's sooooooo fucking boring having a toddler and a newborn and by boring I mean shit

[dontpokethebear]

Sorry, your last paragraph did make me chuckle, I could have written it myself.

Whatever you decide to do, it is your decision.
What I would say is that it is still early days as far as breastfeeding is concerned. And as you said yourself, you were looking forward to bf again. If you stop you might regret it.

[dontpokethebear]

That last sentence sounded mildly threatening not intended

[Luckystar1]

Hahaha that was very Liam Neeson-esque please don't find me and kill me!!

You're totally right. I will, I just want to stick both of them on gumtree today. No one would have them!

Just holding the screamer now while DS is parented admirably by Bing.

[newmummyagain]

My first 2 were 23 months apart and it was soooo intense at the beginning.

But breastfeeding and handling 2 of them does get easier you really are at the difficult stage remember that you're still in the postnatal stage. Do you have much help around?

In terms of breastfeeding, it's your decision, but just a general encouragement that both are likely to get much easier.

With my third I kept setting myself little goals, because with my second I gave up bf at 1 month and regretted it. I gave up when things were hard. So I said I'd not give up until 6 weeks to see if it got easier then, then I extended it to 3 months etc.

But do what works for you, but it will get easier!!

[Luckystar1]

Thank you New that's encouraging!

3!! How do you do it?? Absolutely no more for me. I couldn't go through this again. As adorable as they both are (sometimes )

Sadly, apart from DH who's at work all day, we have zero help around. Friends, but no family.

I think I've decided that having a newborn is just quite intense and isolated!

[kiki22]

I lasted 11 days with ds2 he was exactly the same just fucking around not feeding my poor ds1 was coming home from school which he just started a week before and getting 0 attention because I was either feeding or pumping. I chucked it and life has become so much more manageable both boys are happier.

Ds1 was formula fed from hours old and is healthy as a horse and very smart and active so I have no issues with formula. I did feel a bit like I should have tried longer but that's outside pressure in my heart I know giving up was right for us.

[Luckystar1]

Kiki I'm getting her weighed today so that will be the determining factor. In fairness she's attached to be all day long anyway as she won't sleep outside of the sling so poor DS is literally at arms length all day.

He's currently standing at the front door crying for daddy who left an hour ago... That warms the heart and sets me up for a good day

[Chattycat78]

I feel your pain. I have a 19.5 month old and a 13 week old (although baby was prem so is more like an 8-9 week old). I'm breAtfeeding too although my issues are a bit different in that toddler seems to hate me right now. He attacks me when I'm feeding the baby - kicking, hitting, punching. Like the child from hell. He also screams when dh leaves the house or even the room. It's awful. In the meantime the baby is clingy as I don't know what and screams every time I put him down. Literally he cried aaaalllllll day yesterday unless he was in the sling or being held.

Toddler is at nursery today and I'm trying to work out how the hell in going to get to shower!!! The toddler/baby combo really sucks!

[Chattycat78]

I should also mention that I snapped at a total stranger yesterday who suggested that the baby needed feeding (oh gosh if only I had thought of that ) after I had listened to the baby cry for hours already.....

[Luckystar1]

Chatty people are so helpful

I've just had her weighed, waited an hour with the 2 of them. She vomited all over me, he rampaged, but the weight is going on well.

Chatty DS hates me when DH is around, well maybe not hates but doesn't want me, and he was very annoyed when DH was holding DD which suggested it needs to happen more in his presence.

DD is also very clingy, but the upside is she'll sleep for hours in the sling. Does yours??

[BertieBotts]

I would say keep going for another couple of weeks and see if things improve. Breastfeeding is a ballache in the first 6 weeks but after that it gets easier than bottles. (Barring issues like tongue tie, intolerance, reflux etc etc disclaimer).

[Luckystar1]

Thanks Bertie you're right of course and tbh she feeds extremely quickly so it's not even that much of a bind. I think it's always a bit of a panic worrying if they're getting enough. And feeding 'on demand' which is mostly me offering her boob every 2 seconds and her getting annoyed. She only wants a feed if it's a proper feed, she gets pissed with any other offers but I struggle at this age to read cues!

[Diddlydokey]

I would maybe only offer her the boob every 2 hours or something, rather than all the time. It is very common when breastfeeding to try and stick a boob in to calm any meltdowns but she might be settled better by sleep or a bit of fresh air?

You could try an EASY routine. So napping after every hour of being awake and feeding when she wakes up? Could work for her.

[Chattycat78]

lucky yeah he will sleep in the sling which is good but it limits what I can do at thecsame time. I have one if those caboo carrier things and it's very difficult to bend down when wearing it! Ds2 is only 9lb at the moment (premature and tiny) so wearing the sling any other way won't be an option.

Yeah people are helpful aren't they....! Tbh I feel really judged if I'm out and the baby is crying- like people are wondering why I have dealt with him to stop him crying - when in actual fact he is crying as he wants to be permanently attached to me- which I can't do!

[Chattycat78]

That should be "why i haven't dealt with him...."

[BertieBotts]

Ah, that's totally normal, I think you forget don't you! You just remember the bit when they were bigger and it was easy, but she's still learning, you're still getting to know her and her cues won't be the same as her brother's.

It sounds like you're doing great :)

[Luckystar1]

Diddly I tried EASY with DS and I think that's what's mentally screwing me up as if she wakes I try and feed her and DH will say 'but it's only been an hour since she last fed' for instance! But I do think I should probably just cut back on the old flashing the boob at the problem!!

Bertie thank you, I think we're doing ok! Crisis of confidence! I'm surprised as I have not long stopped feeding DS so I assumed I'd be super chilled (forgetting I'm not a super chilled type of person...!)

Chatty I think people just like to talk. Forgetting that you're desperately trying to rectify the situation!! I'm struggling too as DS is a little shit every time we're out that it's just a waiting game on the melt down that will bring on the stares (all while I try and wrangle him with a baby in a sling!)

I hope your DS is doing well. DD was 9lb at birth so the opposite end of the spectrum. But no easier for it! And I suppose we should remembered these moments are fleeting and (for me anyway!) will not be repeated!

[Chattycat78]

Haha me neither! Not doing this again!!!! Two is enough!! Am back on the pill (well mini pill). It's hilarious how they start going on at you the moment you've given birth about "next time" and "next pregnancy"- there won't be one!!!!! I know it's fleeting. It just doesn't feel like it right now. I get the ds being a little shit too - I have to literally run round after him in public places whilst pushing a double buggy and often with baby in a sling as he screams in the Pram. Fun times!

[Luckystar1]

Nope I know, I feel like I'm experiencing every one of the 24 hours in the day at the moment!! But I remember this (now!) from when DS was a baby. Almost a sense of nothing to look forward to because evenings bring no respite and bed time brings no rest!!

I dearly hope DD will sleep through early. It took DS nearly a year to sleep through even once and then another few months to get beyond waking at 5/5.30am. Literally cannot be fucked with all that again!

[Diddlydokey]

Yeah so ideally you,d want her to:

7 am wake and eat
8am sleep
9 am onwards wake and eat

Then an hour after they wake from the last nap, back to sleep again.

If she's still not ready for a feed then, try a 3 hourly easy. They're all different aren't they. Dnephew would always be up for a feed. Ds always needed lots of persuasion.

Obviously check for and thing that might make them less keen - thrush etc

[Chattycat78]

lucky I totally get the Nothing to look forward to thing. Ds2 is with us in the evenings so we don't get those to ourselves and night just brings more feeding! Dh has been able to go out with friends and stuff too and I have been nowhere. . Breastfeeding stops you from going out etc so I'm literally tied to ds2. I know that's just "the way it is" but it's hard not to feel really trapped. Dh is going to the races tomorrow so will be out all day and all evening. Imagine that.

[Luckystar1]

I have to say my DH is great and doesn't go out, but you're absolutely right. It's almost a feeling of bleakness (which is over the top completely!). I'm not surprised people stop breastfeeding 'early', since January 2014, I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding solidly. I haven't worn non maternity/nursing clothes in nearly 3 years!!!!!!

I've already begun to look forward to weaning and I HATE weaning!!

[Chattycat78]

I'm the same - I've been pregnant or feeding since April 2014(well I did have a month off in between but am not counting that!). Impressed about your dh. I wish mine wouldn't go out but maybe there's no point in us both being miserable! I remember this stage last time feeling really trapped like I was never going to get to go anywhere or do anything again! I had to turn down a weekend at a close friend"s hen party recently as there was no way I could have gone.

I suppose we should be philosophical and think of it as short term....!

[Luckystar1]

Oh Chatty you are so rational! What we should actually Sonia rant and moan about how awful it is while we're able to people give you some slack when they're tiny..!

[Chattycat78]

I'm not honestly- I'm totally irrational. As we speak I'm plotting what I can do to arrange an evening out
(involving bottles and expressing)! I need a bloody break (;and a drink!)