Worried

[MusicMum18]

Hi,
Not sure this is the right topic to put his thread under, but here goes....

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with 2nd child. Feeling sick, tired, hormonal with a UTI so please bear with me!

This 2nd baby is planned. It I am now starting to question how I will cope, I'm worried I won't be able to. My Dd is 16 months and will be 2 when baby born. I am worried that she will be jealous as she won't be the only one. I'm worried I won't be able to give her the quality of time I do now.

I had bad post natal depression, trouble deeding and I'm worried that this will happen again. Midwife has told me to speak to mental health people. I don't admit this to people in person, but I considered drowning my Dd in the bath in the early weeks so we could go back to normal. I hate myself for thinking this, it's so irrational and unlike me but I'd hate for these feelings to return with baby number 2. We're on more of an even keel now eg full nights sleep etc the thought of going back to it all fills me with dread.

I've just been looking at an 'why it's good to be an only child' post, and am starting to wonder if we've made a terrible mistake. I think maybe it's my hormones talking, I just feel so scared, sick, tired all the time. Also fat and ugly.

How do people cope with 2 children under 2? I really don't know how I'd cope. Feeling a bit scared. Starting to question whether I even want this baby now. Which is breaking my heart.

Please help xxx