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AIBU to want to kick my MiL in the tits over her slapped arse face because we can't fly out for her wedding as there are implications for my daughter's health?

(116 Posts)
Rusulka Sun 04-Sep-16 17:26:52

OK so, fair warning, there will be swears.

I haven't really posted on here for about 2 years but have come out of retirement because I'm just so fucked off and could do with some advice.

We are supposed to be flying out to an exotic South American holiday destination next year for MiL's wedding to her older not sexy boyfriend, where they are both living. (MiL and FiL are divorced, which is good, they were awful for each other.) She is paying for our flights, which is of course, super generous, considering there are 5 of us, but we've hit a sticky point. I took DD3 for her 16 week jabs on Friday and my parents (who happened to be staying) suggested I ask the nurse whether/which vaccinations we'd all require to go. So I did. And we will. Ah, yes, about that.
She suggested I delay the visit until after her first birthday for two reasons. 1, there are no safe vaccines for a baby under one, and 2, because she won't have had her 12 month jabs yet, she won't be fully protected from those either, which are still a problem in developing countries like the one we are going to.
Fucksake.
Well of course we can't do that, because she's already set the date and invited half the fucking planet who have also booked flights so we contact MiL to alert her to the situation, only to have her go off on one about how the place she lives is fine sanitation and health wise, and has done nothing since but send message after message basically implying we are overreacting and it won't be a problem, because hey, she took SiL on a flight to Spain when she was only 10 weeks old and she was fine.
Now.
All my children are under 4. If DD3 can't go, then neither can I, and then really, neither can DDs 1 & 2, because the thought of them being abroad without me when they regularly slip their wrist straps and make a run for it is just horrific. So either just DH goes, and only for a few days, or none of us do.
MiL is understandably upset, but I'm pretty fucked off. And kicking myself for not thinking of this when she first told us. It just didn't occur to me. And now she wants a doctor's letter explaining why DD can't fly, for the airline, to help with her getting a refund. I'm happy to do this of course, and I'm going to contact our HV tomorrow for a 2nd opinion, but OMFG AAAARGH.
Not to mention my dad threatening to never speak to DH again if he does go out to support his mum at her wedding, but that's a whole juicy side issue I'm just not going to squeeze here.
So.
Thoughts? I was really looking forward to going, but I'm not going to continue with our plans if there's even a hint of an issue for my baby. If anything happened to her I'd never forgive myself.
AIBU?

QuiteLikely5 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:29:18

What is the disease she is at risk of catching?

AgentProvocateur Sun 04-Sep-16 17:35:45

What jag can't she have under 12 months? I would imagine if she's that young, you'd be breast feeding/sterilising anyway, which may reduce the risk (depending of course on what the risk is!) Are you going to a city or camping in the rainforest? If it's a city or a resort and you're staying in a hotel, I'd probably go.

NapQueen Sun 04-Sep-16 17:38:02

I'd go.

I'm assuming you are all heading out to a resort rather than the slums, and presumably babies under 12mo live there.

SimonLeBonOnAndOn Sun 04-Sep-16 17:38:45

What's the disease?

ImYourMama Sun 04-Sep-16 17:39:45

I wouldn't take an unvaccinated baby to a country known to be rife with those diseases, regardless of the local area. Animals, insects, water and so many other sources can carry this bacteria. You MIL insisting you take her is absurd, she's putting her second wedding above her grand daughters health and well being. I'd let DH go and tell your dad to but out. But you and the kids stay home and Skype- then visit when all kids are inoculated. YANBU

fastdaytears Sun 04-Sep-16 17:39:52

Well your dad can butt out for a start! It's a shame that it was your parents who mentioned this as that will make it all more complicated, but hopefully MiL doesn't know that.

I think we probably need to know how serious the illnesses that jabs are needed for are.

If it's really serious and not a one-in-a-gazillion chance of getting it, then I'd stay at home with the baby and send the bigger two with their dad.

Chippednailvarnishing Sun 04-Sep-16 17:41:13

Your DH can't look after two of his DCs on his own?

What's wrong with him?

Mumblechum0 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:41:27

I'd go too, subject to which disease is concerning you.

FearsomeNasalHairs Sun 04-Sep-16 17:41:41

Which vaccines does she need? Being young and staying in a nice resort is she likely to be at risk of infection?
For me it would depend on these factors before I made a decision whether or not to go

SpongeCakeBigPants Sun 04-Sep-16 17:41:44

Bit of a long shot but could you ask your parents to look after DD for the week so you can go? Could you cut it a bit short so you're only away for a few night?

StealthPolarBear Sun 04-Sep-16 17:42:05

How does sterilising reduce risk of most infectious diseases? Surely many are air borne or insect related?

BertrandRussell Sun 04-Sep-16 17:42:06

What vaccinations can't she have?
Oh, and why is it your MIL's fault you didn't check before agreeing to go? In fact, how is any of this your MIL's fault?

If all else fails, you stay home with the baby and the others go with their dad. Sorted.

Mumblechum0 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:42:19

Sorry meant to also say that if the disease is a serious concern, you stay with the baby, your DH takes the older two.

hesterton Sun 04-Sep-16 17:43:20

Why are you so angry with her? And of course her son should be there. And of course she should try and get her money back from the flight. What's wrong with you?

RunnyRattata Sun 04-Sep-16 17:43:32

Get a proper medical second opinion and go with that. If you can't go you can't go. I'm not sure I understand the drama tbh

Soubriquet Sun 04-Sep-16 17:44:01

Tbh, I would go too.

What injections can't she have?

hesterton Sun 04-Sep-16 17:44:14

Why do you want to hurt her physically in such a bad way? What has she actually done wrong?

BaronessBomburst Sun 04-Sep-16 17:44:14

I would have considered it, but was still BF DS at that age.
Do you actually want to go? With three children under four I wouldn't be so keen!

Lookatyourwatchnow Sun 04-Sep-16 17:44:38

Absolutely can't see why you're angry at her. I feel sorry for her.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 04-Sep-16 17:45:31

Why can't your dh go? Take the older two.

AgentProvocateur Sun 04-Sep-16 17:47:18

Stealthpolarbear, I mentioned sterilising. I was thinking specifically of typhoid (which I though was waterborne, but I'm now not sure if it is....)

StealthPolarBear Sun 04-Sep-16 17:48:15

Oh fair enough. We've not left the country since the dcs were born (they have, we haven't! )

MrsJayy Sun 04-Sep-16 17:48:59

If you cant or dont want to take the baby then you will need to stay home and your Dh and otherchilldren go to the wedding its not a huge dramatic deal that you are making it out to be shame you cant all go but its your husbands mothers wedding

Northernlurker Sun 04-Sep-16 17:49:21

I think the op means typhoid and hepatitis. Also measles is a risk hence the 12 months thing.

Op yanbu. I wouldn't go either. Plan a trip in a year when everybody can safely enjoy it

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