2 under 2. How long before it gets easier.....????

(23 Posts)
Chattycat78 Thu 01-Sep-16 13:45:35

Just that really. I have a 12 week old and a 19 month old. Both boys. When I'm alone I really struggle with them both. The 19 month old wants to be running round the park all day. The baby is clingy and won't be put down without crying. I try to please them both but I'm finding that it's very tough. I'm also in a new area where I don't yet know other mums and it's hard to get out to meet new people with them both in tow so I feel quite isolated. School holidays hasn't helped as most classes or groups haven't been on.

Completely unconnected but my pelvic floor is also shot after two close pregnancies and births (first birth was a vicious forceps delivery) and I also need to deal with this but I barely have the time to go to the loo never mind consider myself or doing pelvic floor exercises/seeing a physio!

Does this ever get easier? What can I do to get through it? I feel like I'm wishing the days away.

Artandco Thu 01-Sep-16 13:48:56

I had two with a 15 month gap. I used a sling for second daily the first year. Meant I was hands free to follow eldest

AliceInHinterland Thu 01-Sep-16 13:49:42

No answers, just solidarity (25m and 3m)... With my first I found it got easier with the major milestones, sitting up, crawling, then walking. I'm hoping that at six months things will turn a bit of a corner as the baby will be able to sit up and watch what's going on, and can be occupied with a bit of food.
My pelvic floor is also not in a great way - there's a good NHS app which gives you a reminder three times a day and takes about three minutes. I appreciate three minutes to yourself seems laughable at this point!

Goldrill Thu 01-Sep-16 13:50:11

flowers

Mine are 3 and 5. Past year has been much better! They're really good pals now and you'd probably not know the younger one was only three - lot of people assume they're twins when they are being thick as thieves.

Couple of years then? Sorry! I wussed out and went back to work full time at the earliest opportunity!

AliceInHinterland Thu 01-Sep-16 13:51:49

My youngest was happy in a sling when very tiny but less tolerant of it as she's getting older. It's bloody hard work.

FATEdestiny Thu 01-Sep-16 13:52:56

14 months between my eldest children.

It is hard, hard, HARD work in the toddler years. I found having a 2 year old plus a 3 year old being the hardest work. It gets easier once they start nursery and definitely once one is at school and the other at nursery - so 5 and 4 year old for me (at which point I had another baby!).

I have to say though that by about 8 ish years old mine stopped bickering and realise they had a really easy-going Best Friend who lived at home with them all the time. My eldest two are now coming up to being 12 and 11 years old. They are really, really close. It is lovely seeing them together, they adore each other and really look out for each other.

ElphabaTheGreen Thu 01-Sep-16 13:55:10

Sorry - not until the youngest is at least two, closer to three. It gets worse the more mobile the younger one is. Oh my.

The sling is your best friend, truly. I couldn't have done it without one. I still use a toddler sling as a form of restraint for DS2 and call it 'attachment parenting'

BittyWanter Thu 01-Sep-16 14:01:47

My two DS were exactly same age difference as yours.

My best advice would be to try and get a routine going. If you have a double buggy get out for a walk with them at least once a day-maybe twice. The fresh air (in all weather) and change of scene will do you all good. Even if it's a nip to the shop to buy milk, feed the ducks, making an appointment instead of phoning-walk there.... Anything at all but get out.

Make use of CBeebies.

Would you be able to get the two year old free 15 hours? Maybe get your eldest registered for a nursery nearby.

Half all the toys you have and hide them for a week or two then swap them-the DC will be enthralled with the toys they hadn't played with for a while.

Get to the park (again in all weathers) and let your eldest burn off some steam. I spent hours on the park with ours-still do. Play on the apparatus, make daisy chains, food for the ducks, take a sandwich and a biscuit, some bubbles, a football-anything to prolong the time there.

Learn to power nap. Neck a coffee. Make sure your DC are asleep/safe.Set your alarm for 20 mins. (Baby asleep and son sat next to me watching CBeebies for me). Nod off for twenty minutes-but no longer. By the time you wake up the coffees kicked in.

I'd say when the youngest was six months ish it starts to get easier but only in hindsight.

I'm sure you're doing a great job flowers

SilverHoney Thu 01-Sep-16 14:30:27

Not much advice, as I've got a 15 month old and 3 week old. I know it's a mumsnet cliche, but baby is in a sling. Ive got a stretchy wrap, very comfy!

Look on Facebook / ask your health visitor etc for groups. Some won't work as they're too big / busy. I find it's easier to manage the toddler in smaller church hall type groups. She can't run as far...

We're keeping the toddler in nursery one day a week. Expensive but so worth it. And at least I know she's got interaction with other children on that day, if we've ended up stuck in the house.

CBBies, Netflix, YouTube. Especially when I'm breastfeeding and the toddler wants to sit with jump on us on the sofa.

Also meals have taken a big step back. We're eating a lot of sandwiches type food as it means the toddler can feed herself, and I can eat with one hand.

One day at a time, make it to the toddlers bed time and he'll be 6 months before you know it!

SilverHoney Thu 01-Sep-16 14:31:58

Oh and at the park, if baby needs a feed and I have to sit down, I put toddler in the pushchair and give her a snack. Luckily she quite likes watching the other children so this gives me 10 mins or so.

Panicmode1 Thu 01-Sep-16 14:39:43

I had 15 months between my first two; the gaps did get bigger but for one brief period I had 4DCs under 7...!

It DOES get easier. I too had a very clingy second baby, and it's been said upthread, but a sling is a life saver. I also got a swingy baby chair which played music so I could put the baby in and she eventually settled a bit in the chair, or play gym so that I could play with the toddler. I used to read to my older child while breastfeeding the younger one, and when that wasn't possible used DVDs of his favourite characters, or just put CBeebies on for a bit - it's not the end of the world. Just do what you have to do to get through the day!

With regards to finding groups, we moved when my third son was newborn and I didn't know a soul - I used to stalk people in the park and get chatting, but once my eldest started nursery, it got easier. There was also a free magazine (Family Grapevine - don't know if you have something similar in your area) which listed every single baby group on every day, and slowly I worked my way through a few classes/groups to find some people that I got on with/classes that worked for the children. It's tough, but it WILL get better, honestly! And as SilverHoney said, soon your baby will be 6 months and you'll wonder where the time has gone. (My first 'baby' has just started Year 8 today, and my second starts in Y7 next week - and I don't feel that they are old enough to be in secondary yet (or that I'm old enough to have 50% of my children there!)).

Tutuloves Thu 01-Sep-16 15:29:02

Oh I remember this well. There was 17 months between mine. Serious sleep deprivation but difficult to sleep when the baby does as you have a toddler to look after whose constantly on the go. It was horrendous with moments of I love them both and aren't they cute but mainly I'm so tired I'm gonna die and I can't switch off and relax moments were more frequent!!
I think as everyone said getting out of the house is essential and I'd recommend getting showered and dressed before DH leaves the house as it sets you up so much better got the day and in a better frame of mind. My two are 4 years and 3 months and 2 years 10 months now and I'd say it got easier when the youngest turned two. I qualified for 2 year old nursery funding for both of mine (by £100 so it was a close call I just about qualified) and that was amazing as it gave me a break. Plus by 2 you should be getting a good 12 hours of the kids sleep wise hopefully....

cornishglos Thu 01-Sep-16 16:47:54

I have a 2.5yo and a 10mo. So far it has only got harder.

Chattycat78 Thu 01-Sep-16 17:57:11

Thanks guys for the tips. Am using a sling but finding its only helpful to a point =eg can't bend down in it or change ds1. Am glad at least that it's not just me.... I was starting to think I was crap/disorganised/useless....!!

Artandco Thu 01-Sep-16 18:32:26

You need to put baby on your back to be able to bend easier!

Artandco Thu 01-Sep-16 18:36:19

Meant to say if you look online there will be tutorials how to sling wrap small baby on back safely

golfmonkey Thu 01-Sep-16 18:50:44

16 month gap, now just over 4 and 20 months. Really clingy dc2, she lived in a wrap/sling for 3.5 months now she lives in a carrier which I can bend over in easier. I'm not having much sleep so still hard. The only way I can have a decent day is to have an activity for morning and afternoon planned, and get everything organised the night before. It got better when dc2 stopped having a witching hour and I could put her down in the evening (11 weeks), but as she gets interested in toys etc dc1 is getting a bit jealous. Dreading winter...my sis has a 2 and 3.5yo and says from when youngest was 18 months has been easier, though for her got a bit better once dc2 got mobile (6 months!!!). It'll pay off eventually I'm sure but I agree it's really hard. I have childcare for my dc1 2 days per week and DH around 3 days usually so only 2 or 3 days with both of them by myself.
I'm thinking things might feel better once I'm back at work 4 days a week, and looking forward to dc2 learning to sit up (soon, please!)

AgentProvocateur Thu 01-Sep-16 18:53:12

As soon as they're out of nappies it gets easier, and then once they're at school it just gets better and better. Mine are now 21 and 20, both boys, and a 17 month gap. Hang on in there - it's definitely the easiest age gap to have, especially during the teen years. grin

Swatsup Thu 01-Sep-16 18:54:41

When they both are at school! Sorry
Mine are 5 and 6 now and are best friends, so lovely watching them play together it makes it all worth it.

MiaowTheCat Thu 01-Sep-16 19:32:54

11 months between my two - the much vaunted sling solution on here didn't work at all for us... although I used a sling a lot with DD1 - DD2 went absolutely bonkers if put in one, any one, she just hated her lower part of her body being restricted!

0-6months was rough a bit... 6 months till the younger one got mobile was relatively smooth sailing and then the bit with mobile younger one until they start to acquire some sense of self-preservation was fairly rough going. I found I had to pick places I went fairly carefully - play areas nicely fenced in, playgrounds where the eldest could be relatively independent while I helicoptered the younger one, soft play and the like.

They're 3 and 4 now and it's definitely a lovely combination to have - they're very very close.

I did have to work in getting physio for my SPD (it never has cleared up) and in that case DH had just work out an arrangement with his work where I got appointments as early in the day as I could and he started and finished work a bit later.

KCpip Sat 03-Sep-16 08:48:04

On the topic of pelvic floor. I've downloaded an app onto my phone. Doesn't make it any easier finding the time unfortunately but I find it reminds me to do them and I'm feeling better for doing it too so worth making the effort, if you can! I only have one DD so don't know how you manage with 2!! I'm sure you are doing a great job 😊

Scotinoz Sat 03-Sep-16 17:27:41

I've got 17months between mine (now 2.5 years and 16mths), and hear what you're saying.

I felt I turned a massive corner when the baby reached 6 months; they both slept better (still crappily, but better), we had a better routine etc etc.

I arranged an activity for every morning to get us out, which exhausted the toddler and baby, and got me talking to new people. Playgroup, park, messy morning, library, storytime/rhyme time, soft play etc. Anything that got the toddler running around, safely and contained, and gave me 10 minutes to feed the baby was a bonus. I also talk to anyone...it's hard but the only way. Some people look at you as if you're nuts, but I've met a lot of lovely people that way too.

It does get easier (and I guess harder too) as time passes. Best of luck!

user1472925240 Sat 03-Sep-16 19:12:39

Ours are 18 months apart, two girls.

You will make it through. Some days you will feel like you are on autopilot but it does get easier. Once they can dress/feed themselves life gets a little easier, I promise, and the time flies over so try and make the most of the good bits and drink lots of wine to get over the bad bits.

smile

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