Changing surname after marriage

[SaveFerris2016]

Ahoy!

I'm new to posting on Mumsnet although have been reading the forums on here for a good few months! I'm getting married next week (a not so secret elopement) and am currently agonising over whether or not to change my surname. I have a bunch of documents/ work history in my name and we have a daughter who was registered with my surname. Instinct tells me to keep it but I'm worried I'm setting us up for some sort of difficulty in the future if my husband has a different surname to us. I briefly mooted him changing his surname to match us and while he is very supportive and liberal, this idea was quickly shot down.

Does anyone have any experience of having the same surname as their kids but a different one to their husband??

Thanks all and please let me know if I've posted this in the wrong place! Still finding my way around!

[golfmonkey]

Loads of women dont change their name after marriage and have a different surname to their kids. I changed mine because I wanted to have the same name as my kids. You could change both your names so you all have the same name or not change any names.
The only option I would completely avoid if it was me, is you and DP having same name but not changing your DDs. I think it'd be odd for a child not to share a name with at least 1 parent. But all other options you could make work I'm sure. Go with your preference.
If you all change your name to DPS, you could keep your maiden name as a middle name for both you and DD by changing by deed poll approx £30 and v easy.

[ColdCottage]

I've read a few articles recently about the family member with a different name from the child having issues at passport control.
We chose to put our names together so we all had the same name and neither of us had to give up such a big part of our identity.
I must admit it felt silly to start with and I apologised for the long name to customer service people for the first few years. Now it doesn't bother me. Plus it makes it easy to find your name on a list or seating plan. Just look for the longest!

[tribpot]

Not really an issue at passport control in my experience, I had to produce a copy of ds' birth certificate when we travelled through Heathrow last month. So it's something to be aware of but not a deciding factor, in my opinion.

I think your DP's reaction indicates his feeling on the importance of family members all sharing a surname, so I would take your cue from this and not change yours.

[MoonHare]

I didn't change my name. 4 years later when dd1 was on the way we both changed our names by deed poll to something that spliced both our original surnames. We invented a new name. Has worked out very well. Interesting g to see poster above also did same thing. If your names lend themselves to it I think it's a brilliant compromise.

[NameChange30]

Hello and welcome to Mumsnet.

The Relationships board would be a better place for this thread than Parenting - you can get it moved if you like.

"Instinct tells me to keep it"

Trust your instinct! There are no rules to say that you have to change your names or DD's. There won't be any issues if your husband has a different name. Oh and if he didn't even consider changing his name to match the two of yours, he's not that liberal, is he?! If he's not willing to change his, why should you change yours?

Is he your DD's father, btw?

[SaveFerris2016]

He is, yes. Thanks for your insight everyone - am going to mull it over with fiancee tonight. Very interested by the idea of splicing the surnames- that could work well although I think we'll have to get quite creative...!

[tribpot]

I've mentioned this on MN before but a friend of mine took the first two letters of her surname, the first two letters of her DH-to-be's and added 'us' at the end to signify union. If I had done that, DH and my surname would be 'Pinuus'. Quite glad I didn't pursue that option

[SanityClause]

I didn't change my name when we married, and my DC have DH's surname.

The worst that happens is that sometimes people assume we're not married (O the shame!) or I am called Mrs DHsurname. Sometimes DH is called Mr Mysurname.

And that's it.

[NameChange30]

How did you two make the decision about how to name your DD? If he was happy to give her your surname, why would that change just because the two of you are getting married? If he has changed his mind, you could change her name to add his surname - either double barrell or add it as a middle name.

There's nothing wrong with both of you keeping your own names, but if you really want to share the same "family name", you could both double barrell or both change your names to a blended name. But my advice is don't change your name if he won't change his.