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HELP Please... DESPERATE!!!

(15 Posts)
user1472263500 Sat 27-Aug-16 03:20:24

Help me please, I'm desperate for advice, I don't know who to turn to. I am a mother of 3 beautiful kids. I have 2 daughters and a son. my son is disabled. back in the easter holidays my eldest daughter went to stay with her biological dad for a week. she never came home. he told me she didn't want to come home and that she was struggling with a lot of stuff. I was told she didn't like being around her brother as he can be very challenging and that she wanted to stay there so she didn't see her stepdad (my ex husband) (I left him due to to domestic violence). I thought I was doing what was best for her and what would make her happy. what parent doesn't want to see their children happy??? I was told that nothing else would change I could have as much contact with her as I wanted etc. that hasn't happened. she doesn't talk to me (not even on the phone) she doesn't respond to me when I tell her I love her and shes now calling her new stepmum mummy. I don't know what to do. I want my daughter back but I don't know how to. I don't want to force her to come home but they've made it so I don't exist. what do I do??? I cant afford court costs and I'm worried that they wouldn't return her to me because shes happy with her dad.

isthistoonosy Sat 27-Aug-16 04:09:31

How old is she - I believe 12 and older are allowed by the courts to decide where they live.

AndDontCallMeShirley Sat 27-Aug-16 05:17:29

I'm so sorry, that is heartbreaking for you. What kind of relationship do you have with her dad? Could you sit down and talk to him? How long has this being going on for.

Perhaps from your daughters point of view she doesn't want to commit to staying because of the violence and she didn't want for see her step dad. Perhaps she's scared. How old is she op? Maybe if you can arrange for you and your and DC to meet for a while and spend time together and take it from there? Wee girls can be daddies girls. I'm sure she will come round time and patience and a lot of love between you and your dcs

user1472263500 Sat 27-Aug-16 06:02:00

She's 6

Orchidflower1 Sat 27-Aug-16 06:07:55

You maybe eligible for legal aid even if it's only enough to get a solicitors letter. Have you contacted citizens advice? It's free. Also is your dd in school? You have a right to access what is ging on there eg parents eve etc- does your son have a social worker - could they help? So sorry for you x

user1472263500 Sat 27-Aug-16 06:11:15

I've tried talking to him ad his wife. She knows she wont see my ex husband again. I've tried spending time with her and ringing. I even bought her a little Mobile just for her to talk to me but her dad disconnected it. He's stopped me seeing her. Every time I ask to see her he says they are busy. He won't give me his address so I can't go round and he's told me I'm not on the list at school so can't go collect her. I know I can just keep her and not let her go back if I did get to see her. Problem is I love her and I don't want to see her upset. She gets what she wants with her dad he spoils her. Anything she wants she demands it and it's given. With me I have boundaries and 2 other children so I can't do that and wouldn't. We used to live in Germany, I would drive 10 to 12 hours straight to bring her back so her dad could see her, every couple of months. Up until we moved there he wasn't interested. The courts forced contact as I needed an order permitting her to go and he had to agree. He got contact at the same time even though he didn't want it. Now 4 years later he's stolen her. What am I to do

user1472263500 Sat 27-Aug-16 06:13:27

I've got legal aid calling at 10. Yes she's in school but I'm not on the permitted list. No he doesn't need one we have enough people working with him. My dd dad has even turned her against her brother my son.

brightspark2 Sat 27-Aug-16 06:15:13

Get social services involved - this is emotional abuse. Get the school involved as a safeguarding issue and get to family law and court to formalise the residency of your daughter. You both have equal rights if he is on the birth certificate but he is abusing those rights by obstructing your access. Is there violence amongst your other children?

AndDontCallMeShirley Sat 27-Aug-16 06:28:36

I'm sorry op I its more complex than I can give advice on. Her father seems like a very selfish man. I feel for you. I hope legal advice will be able to help you. At her age and with your effort to keep her in contact with her fact her before this situation arose It should stand in your favour.x

LostQueen Sat 27-Aug-16 09:12:19

I'm not an expert on this but it sounds like he is using your DD to continue abusing you sad

brightspark2 Sat 27-Aug-16 10:43:03

It's emotional abuse against your daughter to separate her from her mother.

AndDontCallMeShirley Sat 27-Aug-16 18:31:57

OP are you ok?

Horsegirl1 Sat 27-Aug-16 18:43:20

Surely the school recognise you and know you're her mother ? I'm sure they would let you collect her. Get in touch with social services and the police. Say he has kidnapped your daughter. Sounds to me like he is fulling her head full of negative things about you. It's abuse

user1472263500 Sun 28-Aug-16 09:41:29

Yes I'm OK. Just trying to figure out what I'm going to do

AndDontCallMeShirley Sun 28-Aug-16 14:13:21

Take care of yourself OP u hope this sorts itself out soon

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