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Unreasonable Parent A? Or intrusive Parent B?

(9 Posts)
user1471975495 Tue 23-Aug-16 19:35:25

Hi everyone,

I'm posting on here to get a sanity check on my reaction to something which is happening with my ex. I imagine that this might earn a few eye-rolls already, but hopefully someone has had a similar experience and can share their thoughts.

We have a child arrangements order, which on the whole works well and my daughter sees plenty of both parents.

Recently my ex has started insisting on speaking to my daughter during her time with my family, asking for phone calls during which she asks questions about what we have been up to.

To be clear if my daughter ever asked to speak to my ex, then I would of course make a phone call on her behalf; she never does, and while I'm sure she misses both of us when she is with the other parent, she does not feel the need to speak to the parent she is not with, as we both spend plenty of time with her.

Now the questioning is done in a nice manner, but I'm beginning to see this as an intrusion on my family's time with my daughter, and I'm not sure what my ex is trying to achieve with it.

I messaged my ex to indicate that I felt it an intrusion, only to have my concerns simply sidelined and my ex making a more determined effort to speak to my daughter.

I've no idea what the legal situation is here, if the court would do be able to, or see the need to do something, but before I go down that avenue, I was wondering if anybody has had a similar experience? Am I being reasonable? Or am I reacting with too much emotion? The sad truth is I don't trust my ex's motivations after all the trouble we've had.


Parent A

Floralnomad Tue 23-Aug-16 19:39:25

Why not just do the same thing when your child is with the other parent and see how acceptable they find it .

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Aug-16 19:53:35

Are you the father here?

So your ex phones your daughter for a chat when your daughter is with you? I would think that's fine, unless you have very limited time with her, eg one afternoon a week, which you've said isn't the case.

During that chat your ex asks questions about what you and the others there are up to. Does she ask that in an interested way (What are you up to today?) or does she seem intrusive and nosy, eg, What did Dad's wife buy when you went shopping?

user1471975495 Tue 23-Aug-16 21:28:27

Hi again, and thanks for the comments.

I think it's just strange that it seems like it's all of a sudden, and to be honest it's an ongoing build up of a lack of respect shown for my daughters time with us, while I do my best to ensure that I respect my ex's time.

I've also been worrying that this might lead my daughter into having an insecurity which has previously not existed.

In answer to ImperialBlether, it's been difficult to tell, as I don't get to hear the other side of the conversation, but I've not had the impression that they are nosy questions.

Perhaps I should see it as me letting my emotions and our history get the better of me, but with my hand on my heart I can honestly say that I've learned the hard way with my ex over the years that I need to be cautious and not take things on face value.

Thanks once again for the comments, and it's a good suggestion to ask the same in return, thanks FloralNomad, though my initial thought is that it would seem odd to me to intrude on my daughter when she's with my ex and family.

bluecashmere Tue 23-Aug-16 22:03:09

It's not unusual for a child to have phone contact with a parent when they are with the other parent, but what is reasonable depends on things like the age of the child, how long the child is away for and the frequency of contact. It would be useful to have more information to assess who is BU.

GoldFishFingerz Tue 23-Aug-16 22:14:41

It's not intruding. It's nice to chat to your child when you don't see them for a couple of days. I'd miss mine dreadfully. Maybe your ex is making more effort to connect.

uhoh2016 Wed 24-Aug-16 03:23:35

How old is the child? Old enough for their own phone ? Keep in touch with each other by text or WhatsApp.
Personally I'd hate not being able to speak to my dc whenever I wanted too. If I'm away from them for whatever reason I will send a message asking if they are ok in general or asking how an event went like a school trip or play or football match for example.

DixieWishbone Wed 24-Aug-16 04:01:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shadowboy Wed 24-Aug-16 13:58:29

I think my interpretation of the situation is different? It sounds like when she is with A AND his family - partner B calls? Is that correct?

In which case it is a bit odd /invasive if the calls are done only during 'family time'

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