Ladies, I need your help and I know I am going to sound a right nightmare but I wasnt sure what forum/chat room to go to for advice or help. Please tell me if I am in the wrong area?
I know falling pregnant and having children there is never a right time, but....
since reaching 41 in February, I felt really low, like pretty much asking myself "what do I have in my life apart from my career?", my parents are wonderfully healthy at 72 and 69, thankfully, but since hitting 40 I was like ouch, I seriously need to find the right person to settle with, like a mid life depression...god I sound so ungrateful as I was single a while beforehand.
I have a great life, honestly, but I have for all those years pretty much focused on my career, built up a business and have a lovely house, yet with my partner who is 49, met him last year, I feel somewhat empty. literally, like when we go out for meals, I am thinking is this it? He said to me, dont you want to explore the world and find out about different cultures?' I said erm not really, I feel I did most of my travelling when I was younger, I just want to settle really and have a little one now....to which he was quite shocked I am not into going away that often. We went away skiing this year and he stressed me as he was so competitive with me it put me off going. Normally I dont feel this way but I pretty much had enough of him by the end of the week whicih is odd.....
He is going to be 50 next year and he worries about his age. He has never wanted children in the past with his 2 ex wives, he was married 19 years with one and 8 with the other, he stayed with the last ex she wanted children he didnt but his step daughter was lovely, he still keeps in contact with her. I asked him on our 2nd date about kids and he said, "well at the moment, I am just enjoying my life, would like to have fun and see places with you, have a nice lifestyle etc!" for me I thought he doesnt want kids.....he wasnt thinking on those terms since breaking from his ex wife. We have a house together and are engaged as we do get on fantastic, until recently since we bought this house in April.
He thinks I wont be able to cope with being pregnant, as I am nervous person and I will miss my career, his words ???? really, hmm I am sure I can work around it as I work from home. He think adoption is a better option because of our lifestyles....thats his opinion.
I am not sure what is going wrong here but I am finding being with my partner everynight after work too much for me and at weekends too where i am literally feeling suffocated. He has no friends and he loves to spend time alone, or with me, which is fine. He loves going out on his bike, his Xbox which he plays with his friends at nights and weekends and goes to his own gym at work during the daytime.
For me, I feel just us living in this lovely house isnt enough. He has no children from his exes apart from a lovely step daughter and when she comes over to see us its like I come alive again. He doesnt see his parents much apart from every few months as he doesnt really get on with them and the same for his brother too who is a nightmare. So I am craving someone who is close to their family, like I am, as mine are just amazing and I see them pretty much all the time.
My problem is I feel empty in this house, i feel like its just not a purpose it needs a family, children or people in it, Its also so quiet with no life here too which makes me feel low and want to be out of it all the time too. Luckily now I am working elsewhere for my business which is great and feel that its now filling in that gap regarding work as I work from home.
I have never really felt the need for children before, until lately, but i am not feeling it anymore with my partner. The reason being he has these moods, if I dont kiss him or give him cuddles or give him affection, he pretty much sulks and when asked whats wrong a huge argument happens, which is what has been happening pretty much every month, every 2/3 weeks to be fair. Its normally around our sex drives, we have never quite sussed out a good basis on that as he is wanting attention on that front pretty much all the time and I felt drained, pressured and angry in the end.
He said the relationship now feels like a 10 year boring marriage and there is no connection anymore, because I dont really do affection, I dont but only sometimes or when I am not working and dont feel pressured by him and he is extremely affectionate which annoys me and puts pressure on me. He knows this by the way.
Sexually too, I am trying to get a balance, if I havent given him sex say in 2 days or 3, he gets moody again and his face is tripping him on the way to work, he also says I dont kiss him properly like I use to when we first got together in the first year. That was our honeymoon period!! hmmm....
So I have changed, I know I have, as we have been cloned to one another all that year, I am feeling now suffocated and need time away from him which can be anywhere between 3 - 5 days alone to hours and I am relaxed when I do this. I also sleep in a separate room as well when I am feeling this way.
So, when I am myself he gets moody and starts going on about the 10 year marriage feel and no connection. Which I get, as we may have fallen into a pattern but I get no enjoyment out of just going out for dinner, or doing the same things, but when I give him what he wants ie attention i feel suffocated, and angry like I am not myself. Which I have told him about but he just throws it in my face saying, you lied to me then for a year pretending to be someone you arent.
Now I sit upstairs in my study upset and angry, we dont talk when things get like this as I find myself not getting anywhere or understood. I just want to settle down, have a child and get on with life, not be questioned as to why I am not kissing him daily, having sex every day or not cuddling him as well as reassuring him that we are ok, as he feels he needs this.
argghhhhh....sorry I am normally a happy person, at the age of 41 I still look young and maybe I am resenting not being with someone near my age, is 42/43 too old to have a child as I am not sure where this is going or if my feelings are strong enough for him now....I have definitely changed but I feel I am now being true to myself, and wanting to see friends, family and do things I enjoy as well as really settle down. I feel he just craves going away a lot, travelling, skiing etc as he loves doing all that and did before he met me with his job/armed forces/submariner.
rant over.....am I being a nightmare? sorry
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Love to have a baby, but.....I have two things which I WORRY about, pls help!
25 replies
littleme2675 · 20/08/2016 17:52
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