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Worried about post natal depression. Hospitalised days after my babys birth and crying constantly ?

(16 Posts)
Annie105 Thu 18-Aug-16 04:02:43

Hi all I've been hospitalised just a few days after giving birth to my first baby. Ive been hit with a severe case of mastitis which requires 5 days in total in hospital, possibly more depending on how they plan to remove abscesses which formed rapidly. I was ill at home for 2 of these proceeding hospitalisation after my midwife told me I must have a virus. How does a midwife miss mastitis! I asked her if it could be she said no that's lumps in breast were clogged ducts and to massage it out whilst breastfeeding.

I'm devastated I've missed out on over a week of my sons life's. previous days when my husband and I should be enjoying our family time. My husband has to go back to work as soon as I leave hospital this weekend.

I'm also angry as his parents came to stay with us just 4 days after he was born when I wasn't feeling well so we have had zero time on our own together. They have also stayed with him whilst I've been in hospital. My own mother who was widowed 3 years ago hasn't got to meet my son yet. I want to be there at home when she does. It's going to be so hard for her as she and I both miss my dad so much and he would have been an amazing granddad. It's just so unfair I just miss him so so much ans I wish my mum lived close by so I could help her more through it.

I feel my in laws are crowding us and it's not fair that they will be there watching her reactions when she should be meeting him without an audience. I pretended I was in the shower when they arrived last week just so my husband could introduce their grandchild to them on his own and have them time as a family to enjoy that before I came in. Don't get me wrong I love my in laws so much and they get on fantastically well with my mum and my brother but they only live 75 miles away by car and are retired early so come and go all the time to our place whilst my mum lives abroad so her trips are much less usually twice a year over here and I go back as often as I could before I was pregnant. Plus my in laws are quite wealthy pensioners and have bought lots of gifts whilst my mum can't really afford much (bless her she said I cant bring you lots of fancy clothes from next but I've been picking up things I'd know you like that you wouldn't think are from tesco!! I'm
Like mum I don't care if his clothes are from tesco!!!!! I've bought half his stuff from Asia and nct nearly new sales!) having spent their life savings and sold their home to fund specialist medical treatment for my dads illness.

I'm sure not a lot of people will read through this as its a bit long but at 4am in the morning on a noisy hospital ward with tears streaming down my face I just wanted a space to write all this down. I'm just sat here in hospital feeling so low, so lonely and so ill. I miss my son I can't even bear to think about him too much I'm sort of forgetting I now have a baby. I'm so worried this is going to trigger a long episode of baby blues for me for the resentment and upset I feel for all of the above.

I just want to get out of hospital and return to a home with just my husband and son in it and for my mum to arrive for a few days and for her to look after me so I can look after my son.

albertcampionscat Thu 18-Aug-16 04:11:11

flowerscakecake

You'll get through this.

LaPharisienne Thu 18-Aug-16 04:11:27

Sounds awful - flowers for you and lots of sympathy xxxx

Tell your husband how you feel and ask for help but I hope everything gets better.

OlennasWimple Thu 18-Aug-16 04:13:46

Ah bless flowers

Congratulations on your son, and hope you get home soon

AuntyElle Thu 18-Aug-16 04:16:13

Oh sweetie flowers It sounds like everything is understandably crowding in on you. Hang onto the fact that you will be home with your baby and mum very soon.
Your DP can deal with in laws.
You are quite understandably over thinking it all. But you have so many lovely times to come. x x

AuntyElle Thu 18-Aug-16 04:24:35

Sorry, I put that really badly - I only suggested over thinking as stuff like Next vs Asda was on your mind. Try and let stuff like that go if you can.
But I really just wanted to send you flowers

CiderwithBuda Thu 18-Aug-16 05:01:24

You poor thing. You are ill and missing your baby and its shit. I would have felt the same as you - upset at missing him, upset other people were looking after him and yes upset that I missed my mum meeting him.

Maybe that could be managed? Could DH bring DS to the hospital and your mum come straight there and see you and meet DS?

I hope you feel better soon and get home to your baby.

Annie105 Fri 19-Aug-16 15:10:22

Thanks for the messages ladies. Im getting out today just waiting on my last drugs. Still have blocked ducts in my right boob which aren't shifting but at least the fever is gone and I'm with my baby.

I feel really nervous around him like I don't know him. I know it's because I've been separated and had too much time to cry and think. I hope in a few days all the crap from this week will be forgotten about. My poor husband is exhausted but he did so well . He asked his parents if they wouldn't mind going home first thing this morning which to be fair they did so at least we have some time together tonight before my mum arrives tomorrow.,xxx

AuntyElle Fri 19-Aug-16 16:25:34

Oh that's lovely that your DH sorted the inlaws and you are going home!

sunnydayinmay Fri 19-Aug-16 16:32:24

cakeflowerscake

Mastitis is crap, and makes you feel rubbish and tearful, as well as ill. Mastitis on top of giving birth, new baby, and in-laws....

Hope you get some time now just to snuggle up with your baby.

CiderwithBuda Sat 20-Aug-16 15:52:42

I'm so glad you are home and well done to your DH!

Hope you are enjoying lots of cuddles with your baby.

RainbowInACloud Sat 20-Aug-16 16:36:39

These early days are so emotional even without you being poorly. Sounds like you've had a really tough time flowers Relationships grow and develop over many years and I'm sure your mum will have a wonderful relationship with your son. It's not all riding on the next few days I promise.
Hope you feel better soon x

Starface Sat 20-Aug-16 17:05:08

Hi there. Sorry to hear you are having a difficult start to things. I just wanted to share that I also had a really tough start with my first. We had a sudden family bereavement just before she was born, which occupied my family hugely and definitely contributed to my mind not being in the right place (funeral 10 days after she was born) plus my family being occupied with that. Tough starts are emotionally exhausting, on top of the massive hormonal changes in your body and the huge transition of becoming a parent, wanting things as you want it for baby to do your best by them and things not going as you'd hoped. I too was worried about PND. There were plenty of tears. But I was never diagnosed with anything.

I found just giving myself permission to take time with my baby was really important. Once you are strong enough, see friends and don't get stuck in over thinking a bad start. It's only a start for a relationship lasting a lifetime. With my second baby, no complications, it still took me a good month to 6 weeks to bond. A really solid attachment (on both sides) can take longer. It's a marathon not a sprint.

So take your time, but do keep an eye out for PND and get support for that if necessary. Its hard to get a diagnosis without self presenting first, though IMO if you need help you should go get it. But don't jump the gun, just love your baby and yourself for a bit, it sounds like you just all need some nurturing and healing. Lots of skin to skin and cuddles will help.

Big hugs. It's not easy. But you're still very close to the start. There's ample time to get back on track.

Starface Sat 20-Aug-16 17:06:55

Oh and, despite not meeting my mum for ages she is now DD1s favourite grandparent. Don't tell the PIL!

Heirhelp Sat 20-Aug-16 21:08:31

I have experienced something similar and have advice. I will PM you.

Annie105 Sun 21-Aug-16 11:34:24

Thanks again ladies. Been a hard week and I really appreciate the sane and sensible advice and support. This forum is such a help!!!!! X

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