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When did you decide to TTC dc2?

(19 Posts)
HariboFrenzy Wed 17-Aug-16 20:39:00

We have ds1, almost 15 months and I keep umming and ahhing over when would be the right time to TTC no 2. I know 2 years seems a popular gap, but the I'm not sure I'd cope with a toddler and newborn. Also, with a 2 year gap, I'm guessing childcare is a significant cost? At the moment ds is looked after by family, but I can't expect them to look after 2.

So for childcare reasons I guess it would be sensible to wait until ds gets his free childcare hours, which would be September '18.

What are the advantages/disadvantages of a 2 year v 3 year gap? Obviously I know that these things don't always go to plan, but I was lucky to conceive 2nd month of trying first time around, so don't want to start ttc until we're definitely ready.

So, when did you decide to TTC no 2, and how long did it take?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Wed 17-Aug-16 20:52:01

Just before DC1's first birthday. DC1 had taken 18 months to be conceived, we hoped it would be quicker and DC2 was born almost 2 years after DC1. We only had one term of full childcare costs for both.

They're 10 and 12 now and absolutely no regrets about the smallish gap, it has worked out really well for us, indeed most of my friends also have a two year gap.

NickyEds Wed 17-Aug-16 20:55:05

Before ds was born we decided to have at least two dc and to have them close together so didn't use any contraception after he was born. Bf stopped my periods until I stopped at 6.5 months then had a 2/3 cycles before getting pregnant when ds was around 10 months. We made a plan and doggedly stuck to it!

SquedgieBeckenheim Wed 17-Aug-16 20:57:19

When DD had her 2nd birthday we started TTC, thinking it'd take a few months and we'd have a 3 year + age gap. There will be 2 years 9 months age gap!

EddieStobbart Wed 17-Aug-16 20:57:46

I have 3 yrs, it seems quite a good gap. DC1 was not quite so helpless as at 2 but they are close enough in age to play (mostly) happily together (when they have to). Tbh, for me it was influenced by when I could bear the idea of giving birth again after pretty unpleasant experience with DC1 (actually much better with DC2 in end).

Oly5 Wed 17-Aug-16 20:58:27

22 months between mine and when the baby arrived it felt like madness but now I'm glad I got all the nappies/sleepless nights over with in a concentrated period (though now planning a third).
I think it's good to have kids together so you can entertain them together... They will like similar things at the same stage if there is a smaller gap

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 17-Aug-16 21:02:08

We were going for a 3 year gap then an alcohol induced shag rendering us incapable of contraception blush gave us a two year gap.

A small point:, It's been good but a 3 year gap means you haven't got the strain of consecutive A level etc results and pressure when they are teens. It would be nice to spread it out a bit!

Kione Wed 17-Aug-16 21:02:58

When I got over the trauma ofbgiving birth and colics, when DD1 was 6! Had a miscarriage, now am 5 months pregnant so the gap will be 7 years. It doesn't bother me and she is delighted to say the least. Its lovely that she understands so much too and looks after me when am tired , literally, bringing glasses of water or a blanket, etc.
I just wish we were younger, thats alk.

Cineraria Wed 17-Aug-16 21:04:00

My answer is exactly the same as NickyEds, except that my cycle returned without stopping breastfeeding. I had two anovulatory cycles, one where I ovulated at a time that wasn't convenient for TTC, and then conceived on the second month we tried.

If all goes well there will be an eighteen month gap and they'll be one school year apart, which I think is perfect for our circumstances as I am planning on staying home when we have two and being over forty, I didn't want to miss any remaining chances.

Good luck with your decision!

GlitteryFluff Wed 17-Aug-16 21:05:34

Watching as DS has just turned two so feel like I should start trying now but I'm quite overweight so want to lose some first but don't want to leave it too late so they're not into same things or play together. But also not sure how I'll cope with two!

GlowWine Wed 17-Aug-16 21:05:35

We also started ttc when DD was about two so ended up with a 3y2m gap which worked okay, only about a term of childcare overlap (but that was pure luck really, you can never quite be sure how long it will take to conceive)

GlowWine Wed 17-Aug-16 21:07:29

glittery mine are not really into the same things now nor play together much...

HariboFrenzy Wed 17-Aug-16 21:43:46

Thanks for replies. It's a hard line isn't it, between wanting a gap and the fact that it might not happen as quickly as you'd like.

Glittery I think waiting until ds is 2ish would be about right, but that's assuming it'd happen within 6 months or so. I wouldn't want much bigger age gap I don't think.

Chattycat78 Thu 18-Aug-16 03:03:40

To be honest i think your problem here is that it's not in your control as such. All you can do is try (or not) and see if it happens. In my experience, what happens the first time is no reflection on what happens the second time. We struggled the first time- took a year and did Ivf in the end. It worked first time (very lucky) and I knew i wanted a sibling ideally for him so we started trying when he was 9 months old- as soon as my periods came back. 4 weeks later I was staring at a positive pregnancy test which was unreal as I expected it to take 1 year/2 years/ even ever!

I now have 2 under 2 with a 17 month gap! I know I have been incredibly lucky but currently its relentless and both me and dh are permanently exhausted! In my opinion the perfect gap if you're lucky enough to plan and execute it perfectly is prob around 2.5 years or so.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

uhoh2016 Thu 18-Aug-16 04:25:20

I fell pregnant around dc1 2nd birthday so 2yr 9m gap here (3 school years) I didn't work at the time so no childcare costs

GruffaloPants Thu 18-Aug-16 04:40:59

We decided to TTC our second not very long after DD turned 4. I was lucky enough to get pregnant straightaway and DD2 was born just after DD1 turned 5.

We are only a few weeks in but I like the age gap. DD can really enjoy helping out and is very loving and understanding about the baby's needs.

Quodlibet Thu 18-Aug-16 05:08:53

We started TTC when DD was about 18m, and conceived when she was 22m. She was 2.7yrs when DS was born. They will be 2 school years apart because of where their birthdays fall in the school year.
DS is only 4 weeks but so far it's ok - I think we are having it a lot easier than friends whose age gap is smaller, as in the last 6 months DD's independence has rocketed so she can now eg dress herself, go to the toilet unaided, help tidy up, and is much more trustworthy from a safety POV so can be in another room or upstairs unsupervised, which is a massive deal with a newborn.
In emotional terms, what tipped us (DP!) into TTC number 2 was a close friend who is an only child having his mum die and having to sort all her affairs single-handed.

Just a word of warning OP - look into what the 'free 15 hours' childcare actually means for you in the childcare setting you'll be using. In most cases it doesn't actually equal 15 free hours. At our nursery it equates to a reduction of about £45 off the weekly bill - not nearly so exciting as the prospect of 15 'free hours'.

golfmonkey Fri 19-Aug-16 12:41:58

We spent 2.5yrs ttc dd1 and had ivf, which luckily for us worked first time. We knew we wanted 2 and I wanted a smaller age gap so booked in for another ivf to give 22 month age gap....but got pregnant naturally and now have a 16 month gap! Girls will be 1 school year apart and hopefully really close, though only 4 months in atm.

I am 19 months difference with my sister and we are really close. I think a smaller age gap is probably tougher on the parents but in my opinion I think it is amazing for the kids, so wouldn't have it any other way. Plus we will have an intense couple of years of 2 in nappies etc but then we will be done!!

However I think all families are different and what works for one may not for another. I feel incredibly blessed to have 2 healthy children and am sure no matter what the age gap there would be pros and cons.

soundsystem Fri 19-Aug-16 15:14:44

We started TTC when DD was 4 months as we wanted them close together. Took longer than planned (after DC1 was conceived pretty much straight away!) and I had a miscarriage along the way. So there will be 2 years and 3 months between them.

I did read 2 years is the worst for sibling rivalry, and a colleague with older kids pointed out that we'll have the A-level/GSCE results double stress! But I'm hoping they'll be close enough in age still to do the same sort of things. We'd definitely like a third and wouldn't 100% rule out a 4th, which affected our decision.

In terms of childcare costs, it is going to be an expensive time before DC1 qualifies for the free childcare hours. We're luckily our nursery does a 10% sibling discount (no idea why when they have a long waiting list, but I'm glad they do!). We figure with two small DC we won't go out as much so will save money there at least!

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