Newborn help please!!(63 Posts)
Dd is 12 days old. Feeding well etc. Having huge issues with over tiredness already. I really need help and advice please.
DS wouldn't nap and got incredibly overtired as a baby. It was the most awful time and really took a year to sort out. It dragged me to the brink of PND as he spent hours a day screaming while I tried everything to calm him to sleep.
History appears to be repeating itself, but I don't have the time (or energy!) to dedicate another year (and hours a day) getting DD to sleep. She has screamed before every single sleep today. I've tried everything. She's in a sling most of the time, still screaming and refusing to sleep. I put her down with white noise-same, I've tried feeding, shushing, rocking, everything. All to no avail. She is currently screaming.
I cannot cope with this, I just can't do it all over again.
She's either sleeping, feeding or screaming. I'm on the edge already and we're barely days in. I can't have the screaming baby again.
What do I do?!
Can you take her out for a walk the fresh air might do you some good
have you got anyone you can ask to have her for an hour to get some peace ?
Do you think she could have reflux? Is she breastfed? Maybe CMPA? Do you have access to any bf support groups?
DH has just taken her out, I've spent the last hour crying. I cannot do this again, it really, really affected my bonding with DS and I just can't go back there.
She's breastfed, and doing well so I'm not concerned by that. She may have a touch of reflux but the issue just seems to be her complete fight against sleep. She's already been awake 1.5 hours. We put her in the sling after DH's been awake 30 mins, screamed for 30 mins, then down with white noise and bum patting, screaming, then fed, screamed after that. Held her, rocked her, walked, patted. Screamed. Wide awake.
That sounds tough, you're doing really well. If she is feeding well, could it be trapped wind perhaps?
Could it be overstimulation? Do you have lots of visitors she gets passed to, or are you forcing eye contact?
Personally my ds (10 days old) is finding the sling way too hot at the moment, even in a single layer carry (woven wrap) and on just a nappy
You should probably see you Gp if she's screaming that much just to rule out anything medical. Otherwise I guess just try different methods, swing, pushchair, bouncer etc. I knew HVs aren't often a lot of help but so let someone know how you're feeling. Also, very controversial I know, but could try tummy sleeping? With a monitor I would recommend if she does like it. Sounds so tough but stick with it, it may pass, she's very new and maybe just protesting about being in the world
I do wonder of it's trapped wind, but she spends 90% of her time on me either on my chest or in a sling and rarely brings up wind, I just don't know.
She poos a LOT! Like 12 times a day and hates being undressed so the 2 combined don't put her in the best mood!
I just hate hearing her cry (especially when she could just bloody well go to fecking sleep!)
Will she feed to sleep? I used to have the best results with dd1 (who easily got overstimulated and overtired) was to feed to sleep in the sling while pacing/walking/doing jobs involving movement, the carefully carefully unwrap into the cosleeper cot and ninja-creep away
Yes I'm also wondering about over stimulating. The last 2 days (when it has really ramped up) we have had appointments and people over.
After my experiences with DS I'm quite protective of people handling, but today was my parents who really don't understand!!
Hopefully tomorrow will be better when it's just us again.
I guess I'm just absolutely in shock to have another terrible sleep fighter, I was assured that #2 'just fits in' and 'just had to be put down'... Err nope!!
What happens when you just leave her in her Moses or pram?
So feed and leave. Would she just fall asleep on her own?
1.5 hours doesn't seem that long to be awake.
Have you tried a dummy?
Nope she won't feed to sleep when she's like this! Unbelievable! What sort of baby is she?!
This might be too simplistic but have you tried "if it cries stick a boob in it"?
Good the problem is she's tired after 30 mins and so still being awake an hour later is not good!
No, that's the problem, she will lie in the sleepyhead, wide awake, blinking, then starts screaming.
Have you got a strong let down? I had to take my ds off when I felt it and let it squirt into a muslon because it was just too much for him. Then a thorough winding after the feed. Lots of windmilling legs, jiggling on shoulder, etc. At 3.5mo he is (touch wood) past the colicky stage.
Also your diet. Both my ds's seem to be intolerant to fresh tomatoes, cucumber and green veg or anything which would induce wind, when I eat it.
so my diet is rubbish at the moment.
Ds2 i put to sleep on his side, well wedged in. I would be near him the whole time.
Have you tried a dummy and/ or sling. Both mine are very sucky babies. Poor ds1 suffered a bit for our learning curve.
It will get better.
My DD was like this...I don't have any advice but you're doing amazing!
Yip Euro, tried boob, repeatedly. Does nothing. She shuts up, then starts screaming again.
I'm at a loss, she's defying all my tricks (mostly sticking a boob in it..!)
Sounds just like all mine and I'm on #3!
I'm also in cluster feeding hell from 5pm until about 11pm - on the boob or wailing, so Dh is having to sort the other 2 out. Who are also wailing a bit and demanding mummy. Fun, fun, fun.
Um, yes, once they are in that state there's not a lot you can do until they are knackered, or possibly a car ride (worked for dd2 but not dd1).
Will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow when you keep it calm...
This used to be a 'thing'. I'm old and I can't remember properly, but some babies just seem to be screamers. There definitely was advice... I hope someone with more recent experience can help you out.
I don't know about my let down. I'm more of a dripper than a squirter if that makes sense, so I assume not?
She's in the sling most of the day, or being held by me, usually over my shoulder so I'm thinking most wind would be jiggled out by ether of those.
She does like having her feet rubbed...
I would try a dummy but she isn't even comfort sucking to sleep so I don't know if it would work?
Thank you for all of your advice and encouragement. DH is just back. She's asleep. About 2 minutes after he left (typically).
Oh god I remember it all very very well. I had a sleep consultant in who gave us a lovely simple routine.
45 mins max awake time, swaddle etc. Keep awake during feeds to get decent feeds in, ideally 20 mins per boob.
Watch like a hawk for signs of reflux in case it's pain.
My little one (4 weeks) was initially the same. I exclusively BF but had to introduce bottle as he wasn't putting any weight on.
Looking back now. He screamed because he was hungry. It also turns out I was giving him wind. He doesn't burp his wind out he only trumps/poops it out. We were on about 12 poops a day. Giving him a bottle top up with gripe water after boob time has really helped us.
He now uses boob to help himself settle and he actually sleeps.
I always though BF babies didn't get wind. But I was wrong. Thank god for my HV.
Hope you find the trigger. Wish I could come and take over for s couple of hours for you. You defo sound like you need a break
Ok I'll definitely increase winding time. Definitely don't think it's hunger, she has access to the boob at the slightest whimper...!
I've started clock watching too so will definitely be going no more than 45 mins, we're trying to start 'settling' from 30 mins... I hope to god something starts working soon...!
Have a four month year old who hates napping. I mean HATES it. Was in despair at times but has gotten better.
Only two things really work when he's worked up. Lying down breastfeeding, feed until he's asleep then run away or a dummy. The latter is a life saver.
All babies are different though so who knows! for you. It's ruddy hard.
Oh I feel for you OP. So hard when they scream all the time, especially when you have an older child too.
Not much to add except we used to put our son down on his tummy and was the only way he would sleep. But I realise that is not necessarily a wise idea. I did it because I was desperate. I would also consider CMPA or silent reflux- the 12 poos a day, along with screaming have me thinking this is a possibility.
Please try and get someone to help out as much as possible - even just a few minutes where you don't have to hold/be around the screaming will do a lot for your sanity. Hope you find something that helps soon.
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