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anyone else having a rough day?

(7 Posts)
mustthinkofabetterusername Wed 10-Aug-16 23:21:25

Tired toddler. Tired preggers Mummy. Toddler screaming and not settling (yes, going in checking and reassuring regularly. Could do with reassurance it's not just me struggling today.

FitLikeQuine79 Mon 15-Aug-16 12:25:55

I only spotted this today but wanted to let you know you're definitely not the only one. I'm shattered - DD2 six months is usually up at least every three hours at night and DD1(almost three) is a typical toddler so I'm constantly on the go with her. I'm pooped, it feels relentless. I hope today is a better day for you and you are feeling less tired.

mustthinkofabetterusername Mon 15-Aug-16 23:41:08

thanks fitlikequine79, sometimes knowing we're not the only one in any given situation is enough to get us through! Hope DD2 starts enjoying longer sleeps soon!

FTFOAFOSM Wed 17-Aug-16 13:28:49

Yep. Bad holiday so far - DD (17) has done bugger all except go out to a few parties. Her laptop charging point fried itself last night, so now we're looking into getting her another one - it's no biggy, as we were thinking of getting her another for her 18th in October, but it'll be a shame for her to get it and then not get anything much on her actual birthday.
DSs (7 & 5) both have autism, and practically every single activity I've done with them has gone really badly. Trips to the park, to go out to softplay, to the miniature railway, and this morning, ten pin bowling, have all resulted in major meltdowns meaning we've had to come home. We've baked a few times, but DS2 just wants to do more, so keeps getting in to the kitchen (despite it having a lock on the door) and tipping all the baking ingredients into a bowl and wasting them. I tried painting with them today - it lasted about five minutes and they just ended up painting on each others' paintings, and DS2 ran off almost immediately, after having spent all morning trying to get into the pack of paints and stamps. This week I've tried just taking one out at a time, but even that's impossible - DS2 had a harness on, and still managed to escape and run out of the playground a fair way before I caught him up. (I have chronic fatigue issues - much better now, but I'm in the process of losing loads of weight now I'm mostly recovered, but even that chase meant I crashed out when we got back.)
We can't even let DS2 out in the garden, as he's climbed the fence 4 times in the last couple of weeks, despite being supervised, and got into next door's garden. On one occasion, he managed to get down to the end of the road to the garage, and steal a magazine before we found him.
I'm really at my wit's end now, and on the verge of walking out and never coming back. Of course I wouldn't actually do it, my DH is just too wonderful. But it was difficult when he had 2 weeks off work - now he's trying to work in the dining room, so it's just me and the boys and it doesn't seem to matter what I try, I can't keep them amused AND safe.
We had one successful trip to a softplay place, but DH was with me so we took a child each, and it was indoors, with an autistic support group. But even when I've taken just one DS to a support group event, it's been disastrous, so I just feel like I can't take them out, and I can't keep them in, as they get bored and climb the walls. I was so looking forward to spending some time with them but it's just been fucking horrible. Roll on, September.

mustthinkofabetterusername Wed 17-Aug-16 15:05:29

Hi FTFOAFOSM It sounds like you're a devoted, hard-working mum who is pretty much burnt out by all the thought, effort and emotion you've put into your family over the summer holidays.
Does your husband work from home all the time? This is bound to be be an extra pressure re: engaging children in activities at home/keeping house quiet etc. Could he go elsewhere for even part of his work day during school holidays? eg library, if that was helpful to you?
Does your dd help with looking after younger children?
I'm wondering if you have anyone nearby (e.g. respite services, or family members) who could even let you have a hour to yourself to go for a coffee? or ideally, time/finances permitting a day to go and get pampered with massage etc?
Much respect to you for all you've done for your kiddies over these last few weeks, a harder task (if it's ok to say that?) when caring for children with addtional needs.
brew cake flowers

Mumto2uk Wed 17-Aug-16 21:09:20

My gosh FTFOAFOSM you are bloody amazing. My gosh you have it tough, I don't even know where to start. I feel guilty moaning and find it so tough (have a few tears at least once a day) with my two little ones and they don't have anywhere near the challenges you face. I don't know how you do it. Are things better when they are back at school? Have you looked into summer camps or activity clubs for children with autism that run throughout the holidays etc? Sorry if they are silly suggestions. Do
You get anytime to yourself? Is there any family that can help? Sending lots of hugs xx

FTFOAFOSM Thu 18-Aug-16 10:04:10

Thank you for your lovely comments - sorry, didn't mean to derail the OP! DH can't really work from elsewhere (he's a video editor) so all his equipment is here, but at least he's on hand for little things and emergencies. Money is rather tight at the moment, so we're having to think outside the box in terms of getting respite - my old carer's have understandably now got other employment/been on holiday, but we'll just keep going in the mean time. Everything will be fine once we get back into a routine, I'm sure.
I think we all have our challenges over the holidays, whether we're SAHPs, WFHPs, or WAFPs - and last year was even more challenging as I was working FT, DH was away working a lot, so juggling childcare was the major stress then!
DH and I have made an effort to do a little something for ourselves each week - he's in a band now, and I'm going back to playing in an orchestra in September, so I'm trying to fit in some practice each day.
And although they're still too little to have any clubs/activities that run for any more than 2 hours at a time at the moment, when DS1 hits 8 in February, we'll have more options for clubs and things for him. We're considering using the after-school club once a week for them both, which will give us a couple of hours extra once a week, but even that's going to be tricky to pay for at £80 odd a month! It's mainly the frustration that I want to do things with them, but it always goes tits up!
DS2 loves playdoh, so I bought a pack of pots (he has loads of the moulding toys already) thinking they'd last the week, but he managed to get into them all and it was a grey spray of playdoh all over the bedroom by the end of the day!
Your comments have really helped my self-confidence though - my older DS (I had DD and DS1 with my previous wankerXP, and the two younger boys with autism with DH) decided to live with his Dad in March, so with the court case, it's been pretty stressy. We lost the case, as he's 13, so the courts went with his 'wishes and feelings', so now I get to write him a letter once a fortnight, but DD is still coming over as much as before. I think I might be depressed, but am just trying to keep things together for DH, DD and the two younger boys. I think we all have days where we think we're no good as parents, and I've been having a lot of those recently, so your comments have REALLY helped!
BUT - back to the OP - how are you feeling today? Are things looking any better with a fresh day?

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