1 year old prefers gran to mummy. Feeling down.

(15 Posts)
Ohsotired123 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:52:20

Feeling depressed about my DD literally liking my mil more than me or her dad, or any other family members for that matter. I find it SO embarrassing and hurtful, why can't I have a child that actually likes their mum? I really feel this is taking a toll on me.

DD is 1, mil has her 1 day a week. Mil is very full on and whenever she is around my DD she is constantly making faces, chatting to her, crawling around the floor placing chase etc, doing gambols etc. I do all of these things at home, but I think mil is constant with it which might part of the issue. She did say last week that when she has her she doesn't even get a drink all day or any food because she's constantly on the floor with DD. Sounds lovely, but just an example of how full on she is.

When DD sees her, she flaps her arms up and down so fast, screeches, smiles etc and is so excited to see her. Mil loves this and is like 'she's a grandmas girl that's for sure'. Just makes me feel so shit. It's embarrassing for me like she just isn't like that with me when they are around. I go snd pick her up from mil house and she barely looks up at me, she cannot take her eyes off mil.

Mil family are aware of how much DD loves mil and always say 'u love your granny so much don't you, your a grandmas girl etc'. I feel like they are being a little insensitive to me, because it is so clear she hates me and isn't attached to me. It makes me want to give up to be honest. I do everything with DD, play, cuddle, read, go places. But nothing compares.

I never thought that my child would so blatantly prefer somebody else to its mum. It's just an awful feeling.

Dogmatix34 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:58:50

Sorry to hear this. My DD was a bit like this at one years old as well with both her grandmas. The worst time was when she was really poorly and clearly wanted MIL over me. Now she is 6 she's not like this at all. She still loves both her grandmas but is a real mummy's girl now.

ppandj Mon 08-Aug-16 20:12:59

I could nearly have written your post OP. DS stayed at PILs at the weekend and I missed him sooo much, so I went early to pick him up and he was more or less oblivious to me until we got home. I googled it as I was a bit upset and apparently it's quite a common developmental phase. Just remember you are her mother, she loves you and you love her and have a special bond like no other. Then be grateful that she has so many people who adore her. It is normal, this too shall pass, you are doing a great job- repeat, repeat, repeat!

Melfish Mon 08-Aug-16 20:17:58

DD was like this with my mum. I'd pick her up after work and she'd cry when we left. As she grew up she became less granny obsessed. In some ways I'm glad they had a good relationship as DM is now ill in a nursing home but at least DD has some positive memories of her time with DM.
I think it often seems that children can 'prefer' others to DMs as remember, you are the mother and have to do all the grunt work like discipline, nappies, bed time etc whereas MILs/DMs can just swoop in and do fun stuff, so it's a bit of novelty for the children to have a granny looking after them. DD has gone through phases of wanting dad/either grandparent/me. Provided that MIL is looking after DD well, I would just ignore her comments.

SweatyBettyHelp Mon 08-Aug-16 20:19:06

Yes went through this with my dd think its a normal phase honestly it will pass- you are her mummy you can't be fun and games all the time. I wish I could do more of the fun stuff constantly with my dc but someone has to make their dinner, clean their clothes etc. you sound like a lovely mummy dont be too hard on yourself smile

Ohsotired123 Mon 08-Aug-16 20:39:40

That's reassuring somewhat. I just fear it will get worse once she's walking/talking.

I know she's just a baby but it doesn't make it any less upsetting. Its hard knowing that's how it is and it gets me really down. We have a holiday coming up with in laws and I know that DD will be all over mil and not want anything to do with me.

Thanks for your replies. X

ssd Mon 08-Aug-16 20:43:44

aw, they sound like they have a lovely relationship. Dont worry op. you will always be mum, and your bond with your dd will always be there.

ppandj Mon 08-Aug-16 20:56:17

OP we also have a holiday with in laws coming up. I was anxious about it too, but I am just thinking how nice it will be that we might get a break while on holiday. Also, today DS was really affectionate towards me and it made me think I am filtering out the reality and just focussing on how he was with mil at the weekend. There are bound to be good and bad days, but I think it was because I felt like I was crap so was seeing that more- if that makes sense?

crayfish Mon 08-Aug-16 21:05:10

Oh god, I could have written your post! My DS loves his Gran, like yours she is very full on and playful, is always crawling about with him and playing, carries him about for hours if he wants etc etc etc. She has him one day a week though and can dedicate that whole day to entertaining him and then catch up with her life the other six days. For me, I have a full-time job so I just don't have the time to spend full days playing - I have to work and then at weekends there are always chores and stuff to do as well. DS barely notices me when I pick him up from hers (or nursery which he goes to the rest of the time) and I actually don't think he's that keen on me. In fact, sometimes I don't think he even likes me.

It's a horrible feeling, I love him so much but he seems more interested in other people. I feel guilty that I can't play with him all day but I have to work, and then in the evenings it's all 'dinner, bath and bed' which isn't much fun.

No advice, but I know how you feel.

TimeforaNNChange Mon 08-Aug-16 21:15:22

We have a holiday coming up with in laws and I know that DD will be all over mil and not want anything to do with me.

That might be a good thing OP because your MIL is going to have to have some downtime during a holiday, so it might break the cycle if your DD sees her sitting, drinking, eating etc and she will have to accept that granny isn't a 24/7 entertainer!

BossWitch Mon 08-Aug-16 21:21:06

My 2 year old DD loooooves my mum so much it's ridiculous! My mum got her to giggle ages before I could when she was a little baby, and now that she's a toddler she is all sweetness and light for my parents when she is with them for 1 day a week and the odd weekend sleepover. It's bonkers! But I'm her mummy and when it comes down to it I know she loves me more than anything/ anyone. Don't worry - it seems from people's replies here that it's a common developmental stage.

crayfish Mon 08-Aug-16 21:33:14

See I don't think me DS loves me more than anything or anyone. He certainly likes his dad more than me if not his Gran too.

Ohsotired123 Mon 08-Aug-16 21:55:56

Aw crayfish sorry it's a bit like that for u too! I've spoken to my partner and mum about how I feel and exactly why that is, and their response is just 'rubbish, she loves u more than anything'. I'm with you and I think it is definitely possible for babies to actually prefer other adults to their parents or parent.

Sucks totally. I know that when she's older, like 10, that we'll have a special bond. We'll be able to do all girly things together.

Playitagainsam Mon 08-Aug-16 23:40:58

For what it's worth, my now 4 year old DD was exactly the same aged 1 and I was heartbroken! I can't remember how long it took to pass but it definitely did, and for a long time she's definitely more keen on me and DH than my MIL.

BrendaFurlong Tue 09-Aug-16 11:55:56

We have video of DD1 aged 10 months, crying to get out of my arms and jumping up and down when she sees DH and her GM. She's now 17 and I can honestly say she's not rejected me since! I was food and sleep, daddy and granny were fun and being jiggled about a lot. It's a phase.

One thing I do think you might need to be careful of though.. What if your DD isn't a 'girly' girl? Seems you might have quite set ideas of what your relationship with your DD 'should' be and it never quite works out like that. She'll be who she is and the joy of parenthood is seeing who that person is.

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