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Running out of ideas for how to deal with my 3YO, please help.

(3 Posts)
Safyre Mon 08-Aug-16 12:55:04

DS1 is 4 next month. Until this summer he has been perfectly happy, reasonably settled for the last year in his (small, local) nursery 5 mornings a week, and enjoying any activities he attended (swimming lessons, toddler athletics in the school holidays, etc). DS2 has just turned 2, in case that’s relevant at all.

About 4 weeks before the summer holidays (we are in Scotland, so around the end of May) DS1 was moved out of his ‘group’ at nursery and into the other one. DH (who is the SAHP) and I were not made aware of this by the nursery. This unsettled DS1 enormously – He started crying at night, crying in the morning, wetting himself multiple times a day etc. DH and I had a meeting with his key worker about this – we expressed that while we understood why they moved him (DS1 and his friend are very excitable when together and tend to be very disruptive) we would very much have appreciated if they’d discussed it with us first or at the very least let us know it was happening so that we could help to prepare him for it as he doesn’t react well to changes in routine. We got a rather non-committal response saying that there would be a lot of changes in routine towards the end of term and that it would all work out, that they used it as a tactic regularly and that the children were always fine with it. DS1 gradually started to settle down towards the end of term.

Once we got into the holidays, everything got about 20 times worse. He is now screaming (not crying, angry tantrum screaming) every time we try to take him to swimming or athletics, hitting, kicking and shouting at us and DS2, resorting to baby words to communicate (his speech has always been excellent), ignoring everything we ask him to do (if it doesn’t spark another tantrum), frequently refusing to answer questions or speak to us at all.

Can anyone tell me, is this a phase? Does anyone have any suggestions? I’ve had no contact with my Health Visitor for over a year, should I be phoning them? DH and I are just about at the end of our tether with him and he has to go back to nursery next week, behaving like this…

(Oh, we have tried marbles in a jar for a reward, time on the tablet, time watching TV…the only thing that has had any effect on is the toileting, which is currently OK.)

UniversalTruth Mon 08-Aug-16 21:31:24

I don't have much experience of this, but I think I would be trying to "love bomb" (needs a better name!) for a 3yo - either you or your partner making lots of time for him - can you keep him off activities for a week to make time for this?

I would carry on giving boundaries for unacceptable behaviour though - I think he needs to know the rules at home haven't changed. And I would ignore baby talk, saying something out loud to myself like "such a shame I can't understand dc, I won't know if he wants snack/TV/me to read a book etc". Hope this is helpful.

LittleBee23 Tue 09-Aug-16 09:01:49

Not much help but my almost 4 year old has been the same for the past two months 😳🔫

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