How can I learn to be patient?(5 Posts)
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Sorry if my thoughts are a bit jumbled but having 5 minutes to myself to calm down! How can I learn to be patient and understanding? I've never been terribly patient, learnt from my dad who got worse as he got older and me too it seems (not an excuse more an explanation), not that I excuse myself from wanting to act differently. We have a lot on our plates atm so am fairly stressed out but have a DD2, now 13, whose in the long process of being (probably) diagnosed on the autistic spectrum (with possible adhd), very late in the day. Being with her all day every day at the moment is frankly doing my head in! I barely have enough patience term time!! She goes on and on about the same things all the time, she's not at all independent and doesn't have friends as she simply doesn't get social rules. I can't even find a summer childcare scheme to take her 1 day a week, let alone for a few hours! I'd hoped a few more years and she'd be off being independent and grown up but all I can see is the years of sameness stretching in front of us with her, and I'm angry, sad and frustrated that this cycle won't ever end!
When I have my calm brain working I can see how hard life seems to her but mostly I have little patience and end up shouting/running off for some space/or being increasingly bad tempered with everyone. Not an ok mum let alone good.
Frankly I shouldn't have had kids, and I've never been one of those special people (Saints) that care wonderfully for their disabled children!!! I'd like to be but I'm flawed; tired, grumpy and with little or (mostly) no patience. So how do people learn patience, sereneness and being a better mum in general? I'm expecting to be slatted here but really need some tips!
Honestly? Anti-depressants in my case. Because my lack of patience was a symptom of depression. But hopefully somebody else will be along with some sage advice, and this will serve as a place mark for me
I pretend that someone's watching me. It doesn't work all the time but definitely helps when I remember, and makes me pretend to be the kind of parent I'd like to be
rather than the far too shouty one I am Hugs for you though it must be very hard.
Can you look for a support group or something? Any other similar children at school who's parents might be experiencing the same kind of problems, who might be desperate for someone to hang out with as well?
Thanks both. It doesn't feel like the kind of thing you can't admit to others but I will look for a support group as feel as if I'm sinking. I'll remember the tip about someone else watching me as I guess we do put on a front for others! Well I can do anyway lol.
Exercise helps as it clears the head. I think anyone dealing with a teenager with asd needs support. Are your family near? Could she stay with either gm for even a day a week. Its definitely not easy and maybe a small dose of antidepressants would help while you come to terms with her diagnosis as there is grieving in that. Don't be too hard on yourself. 13 year old can send us screaming at the best of time and she has the asd as well. Girls often only begin to really present with a lot of the symptoms as they enter adolescents hence often later diagnosed. Horse riding or even a dog may help her but the last thing on earth you need is a puppy weeing all over the place. Could she volunteer a bit at a dog shelter. Maybe she's too young.
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