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Finding it all very difficult

(2 Posts)
swebb9 Sat 06-Aug-16 10:39:13

My Dd is just over a year now. I love her very much but sometimes being a mum is extremely hard. I work full time and feel guilty that on a weekend i just can't wait for the moment she has a nap even though i don't have her during the week. I get extremely impatient with her, she has started hitting and throws almighty tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Sometimes i just sit on the sofa and watch her cry because I don't have the energy to deal with it. I never wanted to be a mum the concept didn't appeal to me. When she laughs and smiles i could cry with joy, the rest of the time i just can't seem to put my all into it. She doesn't like strangers, even my sister and her partner can't pick her up without her screaming even though we are really close and see each other all the time, it makes doing anything difficult and i panic. I need some wisdom, a good kick up the bum and some inspiration please

FireflyGirl Sat 06-Aug-16 23:43:29

Sorry in advance for the essay blush

I'm a SAHM to a 16-month old. He is sociable, and playful, and happy and loving, the epitome of an easy child. And he is very, very hard work. I can't wait for DH to get home and give me a break.

In terms of inspiration, have you thought about having a structure to your day? If you work, is she at nursery? Because if so she'll be used to their routine. So, for example, you get up, have breakfast, do some colouring, play with some toys. Then, give her her favourite toy/book/whatever, a drink and a snack, and explain she needs to play while you do some laundry/cook lunch/--read MN and drink gin from the bottle--. There are lots of articles around on how to get children used to independent play. Try Pinterest for some ideas. You might only get 5 minutes to start with, but it should get longer. Lots of praise when you come back. Lunch, nap, play in the garden/trip to the park/visit the library, help you prepare tea (DS loves 'helping' peel the veg - I put the peeler in one of his hands, hold the potato/whatever in the other, and with mine over the top we peel the veg. Takes a while, but it gets done and keeps us occupied).

With regards to the tantrums, you have my sympathy. They're at a difficult stage where they know what they want, but can't express it. Most of DS's are simply due to frustration. I try to take a deep breath (he starts with a high-pitched squeal that boils my blood and my first reaction is always to explode at him), get down to his level and talk to him. I've read a lot of websites, and am part way through 'The Whole Brain Child', and their tips are to connect with your child ie acknowledge their feelings, and then redirect. For example 'DS, I see that you are getting frustrated because you want the blueberries Mummy has put in the fridge. You can have some later, after your tea. Shall we play with your cars now?' I felt a bit daft the first few times talking to him like this when to my mind he's still little more than a baby, but he understands a lot more than I expected and it does seem to work. There's also usually something else behind it - he's tired/hungry/teething/missing me if he's been at Nana's for the day. And big hugs, but that's just for my benefit!

You do also need some time for yourself, honestly you do. If at all possible, get someone to sit with your DD for an hour while you chill. It will help you focus on her the rest of the time. Otherwise, everything gets half your attention and babies do not like only having half your attention!

Being a Mum is hard. It's okay to not like a particular stage, but remember that's all it is. You'll get through it! The MN motto - 'This too shall pass'

In the meantime, no bum kicks, have some flowers and wine

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