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Does your husband 'actively parent' or just do bare minimum?

(4 Posts)
Aranpoo Fri 05-Aug-16 07:54:29

Is it unreasonable for me to expect DP to take on 50% of the responsibility for actively parenting our child?

He's currently on annual leave for a month, I'm suffering from depression and the doctor said it may be a good idea for me to restart some of my old hobbies from before DS was born. I spoke to DP about this and he's been in support if me getting part of myself back again.

DS had just turned 2 and the nursery believes he is ready for potty training and asked us to 'have a go.' The first week didn't go too well and we went back to nappies for a week, this was DPS choice as he claimed "he's just not ready".

Then 2 days ago, DS asked for the potty and spent the entire morning weeing on it with no accidents. DS went for a nap with a pull-up on and I went out for the afternoon with a friend after asking DP to continue with the potty when he woke.

During nap time DS took his nappy off himself, as DP found him but naked when he went to wake him and still... no accidents. DP text to tell me what he'd dome and I text back to say "wow, he's decided he's ready!"

I then returned home to find DS entertaining himself with A NAPPY ON! And DP casually playing on his phone. What the....?! I went mad. DS is telling us he's ready and DP just.... can't be arsed? "Well maybe I'm not ready" was DPS response.

I'm so angry by this, I'm finally starting to add other layers to my life, meeting with friends, feeling like me again and now I have this added worry that when I'm not here, DP is just going to give up on actively parenting our child. In my eyes, DS hades made the choice himself that he now wants to be potty trained, why is DP ignoring this? AIBU? Or does DP need to commit himself to actively parenting a bit more?

Branleuse Fri 05-Aug-16 07:56:11

he sounds pretty lazy

sugarplumfairy28 Fri 05-Aug-16 09:37:15

It does sound like he is looking for the easy way out, but sometimes my DH does the same, when I get angry at him he comes up with the strangest logic and truly believes that he was helping.

My DH does very little around the house or with the children, I have to basically go on strike to get him to do anything. He always looks for the quick answer and the easy option which can completely undermine anything and everything I have tried to do. Some men just aren't natural carers, and do need everything writing down, and sometimes speaking to like you are their mum - which is very annoying and disheartening but needs must sometimes.

Just talk to your DH and what you both want for your DC, where DC is at developmentally and go from there.

KatyN Fri 05-Aug-16 12:09:10

Potty training isn't going to be a straight line. Sometimes your son will have to wear a nappy again.
Sometimes I take the lazy option too. K

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