neighbours telling me how to parent

[molthedoll]

i have had my neighbour banging on my door at 9.30pm to say that she was concerned that i had been shouting at my kids all the time (twin 5 year old boys). this really upset me and still does a week later. I do sometimes end up shouting they are about to do something dangerous or stop their fighting or to get their attention/just to get heard. i certainly do not shout as the only way to communicate with them.

Now I would not have minded if 1) she had come round during the day 2) expressed her concern in an actual concerned manner rather than an an accusatory manner i.e ' is everything okay I hear a bit of shouting earlier.' 3) was actually a parent herself.

do you think i am overthinking this?

[SeashellHoarder]

As a mother of a 5 year old, some Shouting is necessary!
As a mother of 2 of them, I can't see how you could avoid it!

[molthedoll]

thanks Seashell Hoarder,

That is reassuring.

do you think I should say something else to her or just drop it.

I still keep questioning myself and double thinking every action or spoken word with my kids 2 weeks later.

I also wonder if she was being calculating of the fact that she would be having friends round the next night, and they were up until all hours making quite a bit of noise, and because of what she had said to me the previous night we would not go round to complain.

[defineme]

She sounds a bit hysterical because coming in the day with a sensible expression of concern would have been better. I certainly occasionally shouted when my twins were 5, maybe once every couple of days..to be heard/stop something dangerous, break up fighting etc.
However, I have done a few hours of child protection training and if more people spoke up about genuine concerns then more children would be safe.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Lord, she'd hate me. I'm definitely a shouty mummy (about fighting, danger etc like you). When you have twins, sometimes you just have to.

Put her out of your mind OP. You're a wonderful mum

[SlightlyperturbedOwl]

If your neighbour doesn't have much close contact with kids that age then she probably doesn't realise that shouting is not unusual some days. Near the end of term I had one of those mornings when my two were fighting, nearly broke something and just wouldn't do what they were told when they were told. When I eventually got them on the doorstep and turned to lock the front door my neighbour was doing the same and I sheepishly apologised for the noise (which I'm sure must have gone through the wall). She just said don't worry she didn't hear as she was shouting at hers...
I don't think you need to say anything back to her. Provided you are happy that it's not continual and not a problem and no one else has mentioned it then I would just try to let it go (though obviously easier said than done)

[Afreshstartplease]

Some times shouting is needed.

I don't shout all the time. When I shout however everyone knows about it including probably the neighbours.

I would only be concerned if I heard someone being cruel or violent to their child not just shouting for example "stop it now!"

[SeashellHoarder]

I would drop it, you're never going to be best buddies with her so try to ignore her as much as possible.
If she says anything again I would probably tell her to mind her own business though.

[PovertyPain]

I still, occasionally shout at my 26yr old. He has admitted that it takes me shouting to get him off his ass, as the grown up approach does not work. He has issues. I have issues. We muddle shout through them.