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Please help me put concerns of DC3 to rest

(7 Posts)
sugarplumfairy28 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:01:08

I shall try and be to the point. We have 2 DC, currently DS 7 and DD 5. DH and I have discussed at length having a 3rd, DH is up for having a 3rd but says ultimately he will respect my decision whatever that may be. I have several worries, DD would be at least 6 and DS 8, is that too bigger age gap? Especially for room sharing purposes?

At present DS, is more than a handful, however after doing lots of reading and speaking to family, not only apparently it normal at his age, some of specific things he does are mirror images of either DH or BIL. I know this sounds terrible, but I keep thinking I'm not sure I could handle him all over again. I think I need reassurance that people have 2 DSs that are different, and there is hope, or enough of it, that I could be worrying over nothing obviously with it being a 50/50 to start with.

I do want to move on from the baby stage of my life, I want to start my own little business, and travel/holiday a bit with the children, but I'm just not ready to say 'no more children'. Additionally we now live in Germany, the school starting age is the August after they turn 6, although there is a year of compulsory Kindergarten (free) before they start, so just as I'm looking at both children being at school, I'm also looking at signing myself up for another 5 years of not being child free. I would really appreciate it if people could tell me how they can still pursue personal interests with just one little person around, and how they manage things like holidays.

Up until now I have been effectively bullied by my Mum (who lives in a flat under our house) to not have any more, and it has put a stop to it, when I realised she was bullying me, I kinda stood a stand and said to myself she won't control me and it is between me and DH, but to say she has filled my head with concerns is an understatement, but that explains the massive gap.

uhoh2016 Tue 02-Aug-16 21:42:59

Mine are 9 6 and 17m all boys. They will all eventually share but ds3 is still in with me for now.
Ds3 although he's at a difficult stage now has been quite an easy baby. It was nice that the older 2 were already at school and they could help out a bit.
The biggest thing for me with ds3 has been mentally coping. Getting 3 ready for the school run 3 ready for bed sorting child care for all 3 and covering other activities like swimming lessons etc is mentally exhausting. I'm hoping it will get easier as he gets older.

uhoh2016 Tue 02-Aug-16 21:44:38

Also my mum was against us having ds3 but she adores him now and I think he's her favourite on the quiet x

sugarplumfairy28 Tue 02-Aug-16 22:02:38

In the long run DH and I want to move house, we live in what is called a 2 generation house. My parents have the ground floor, and DH and I have a flat and half converted massive loft on the 1st and 2nd floor. We're not exactly short on space, we have 3 bedrooms but all of them are doubles, so I think it is more of the age difference that is getting me.

Also kids here are treated so differently, I don't pick up DS from school anymore, he walks home - I did pick him up but I was the only parent to do so. I still take him to school as it's on the way to Kindergarten at the same time of day so just makes sense to. I think once both the children are at school, I can get them both walking home, and in time get them walking to school too, which should/could make morning stress a little less.

I'm hoping that Mum will come around and not make life more difficult.

toomanypetals Tue 02-Aug-16 22:28:45

Hi I have three dc. The older two were 8 and 5 when dc3 came along. They are now 10, 7 and 2.

It's the summer holidays just now and I won't deny it's exhausting! However I love having a little gang and when the older ones are at school it's nice having dc3 to myself.

The older ones do help. They'll keep an eye on or play with the youngest.

I have noticed less time for myself and that's hard. But it's mainly because I'm too tired to go out to night classes and such just now. My youngest does nap while the others are at school and for a while I would nap too! Now I pursue my passion of reading and writing.

Of course eventually dc3 will start playgroup and then school. Part of me is looking forward to it but I will miss her.

I don't regret having dc3, I'm a sahm and I get immense well-being and reward mentioned from raising three children. But it's got to be wanted because there's no doubt it's hard work!

sugarplumfairy28 Wed 03-Aug-16 19:21:12

I think DD would really love being a big sister, and is generally incredibly loving and sweet towards younger children. Kindergarten have half jokingly suggested we have another because she is so good around toddlers and her classmates new siblings. I think she would be helpful and if we were to have a little girl she would be happy to share a room.

I am a sahm, and actually find it very difficult to sit down and not do anything. I always have a woodwork project or sewing (like now) on the go, I'm pretty confident I could build a dynamic and fun shared bedroom. Anyone who knows me, says I like a challenge.

I do have a phobia of all things medical, which is honestly really really difficult when trying to plan a child. Both DC were results of purposely not being too strict or bothered about contraception and just letting it happen as the clincalness of ttc was too much for me.

I like to plan, I have a 'plan' for pretty much everything and then a plan B, and I think it's getting the better of me.

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn Wed 03-Aug-16 19:32:51

My three are 16, 12 and 1 so a different gap, but I was sure I wanted another so when we decided to try I felt great about it. There are difficult days and I'm sure it'll be "interesting" having toddler tantrums alongside teenage hormones (which has been the most difficult stage for me!) but the older two are great and love their baby brother so much, they're really helpful with only minimal eye-rolling grin

The 1 year old and the 12 year old share a room, 12 year old's choice. It's not always smooth sailing as the baby cries at night occasionally but we work it out.

We don't go on many holidays and it is hard to find time for myself as I'm studying full time at uni on a full-on course but I love having 3 children and they tell me they love it too.

Communication is key and there will be things you should discuss before trying but if you have emotional and physical resources and want another, why not? I'd have loved four children but it was a difficult pregnancy so that's it now.

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