Unexpectedly pregnant at 43 and scared - can you tell me happy stories about your unexpected pregnancies?(15 Posts)
Hello. I am afraid I am posting in a few places on Mumsnet because I am so desperate to hear other people's stories. I am pregnant (at 43) with a third baby. I had thought that this was what I wanted, and had always wanted a bigger family, but now it has happened I am utterly, totally panic stricken. Every time I manage to momentarily suppress one concern, another one comes up. If it's not work (my career is already in the doldrums, this will make it worse), then it's money, or my relationship with my DH, or whether I will have enough love and attention for three DCs, or what the in-laws are going to say, or my age, or the age-gap between the bigger ones and the new one.
I have posted in pregnancy and people have been really helpful and reassuring, but I wondered whether anyone has been in a similar situation and can tell me happy stories from further down the track?
I so desperately want to be happy about this and instead I feel as though I am currently in a very dark place. I just can't seem to imagine loving the baby and that terrifies me. Thank you so much in advance.
Hello! I'm not 43 or unexpectedly pregnant but I am pregnant with planned dc3 and suddenly really worrying about everything!! So just offering you a hand to hold. A year from now, everything will be fine. I think the worry is very normal plus it's that sense of change, which is always scary. But three is wonderful - there's thread after thread after thread about it on here. So congratulations and lots of everything-will-be-fine vibes
I had DC 3 at 42 - planned via IVF and guess what ?
I still felt exactly what you are feeling and I can assure you that I had plenty of 'oh fuck what have I done moments' along the way.
Re the age gaps DS1 was 22 and DS2 was 8 when I gave birth and TBH they all adore each other and seeing that I was 'such an old hand' at motherhood I was so much more relaxed because I had been there ,done that & worn the bloody T shirt .
I felt no need to partake in competitive parenting,didn't spend my time worrying about 'milestones' and doing everything by the book - I really felt That I had proved previously what a brilliant parent I was (well sort off).
DS3 is now 6 and I must come across as so laid back when attending school parents evenings etc - experience and hindsight has taught me what's actually really important in life and refuse to try and get DS to read another page of biff & kipper when he's tired and irritable just so he moves up to the next colour books,instead I'll read a chapter of horrid henry to him !!!
You don't say how old your other Dc's are but you will have enough love and attention to give them all (I expect much more than if you had had 3 under 4)
The only downside is that family days out etc take a bit more planning as DS2 doesn't want to do the same thing as DS1and oh and given the fact I probably wont get a sunday morning lie in until I'm 50 plus !!
You will probably find that you actually enjoy your new baby so much more this time around simply because you have age ,wisdom & experience on your side !!!
I had baby 11 at 43! Planned and we treasure every minute!! Was hoping for number 12 at 45 but miscarried last month at 8 weeks. So grateful for the entire lot!!
Join our older mums thread on the ante natal club board.
Missgraeme - baby 11!!!!!! I'm panicking at baby 2!! Sorry for your loss.
first baby at 38, we very much wanted another one and it didn't happen, didn't happen ... gave up hope and resigned ourselves to just one.
Ofc then it happened, when I was 43 like you.
We knew it was going to be a very very hard preg and indeed it was, but as soon as he was here we were so very happy. Oldest son as well. It -is- harder work than even at 38, but you have more experience and watching a lovely little toddler run around is a joy ... even though he is more energetic than a basketful of kittens.
Best of luck OP, it will work out =)
I'm 38 and have my unplanned 10 day old DC3 asleep in my arms. I didn't realise I was even pregnant until 16 weeks.
Very early days obv, it's been hard work and we are worried about similar things but it's such a joy to have another baby snuggled up on my lap. The second I saw her I knew it was the right thing to do. Sob.
Awwww Martha so happy to hear that. I'm really struggling with how I feel about being pregnant - I really wanted DC3 and we TTC'd for a year. Now I'm finally pregnant, I'm freaking out I'll be just shy of 37 when they're born. So happy to hear a happy story.
OP sorry to thread hijack!
I was in a very similar boat to you just over a year ago. Unexpectedly pregnant at 40 with DC3 with DD 8yrs and DS 5 years - DS started school a week after I found out I was pregnant! It was the most worrying, stressful time. I was a complete wreck, high risk antenatal results at 12 weeks didn't help. I just worried about everything. Then I had a great 20wk scan and the panic started to lessen, I still had my moments but started to feel like this was going to be ok. My DD2 is now 4 months old and is such a joy. I can't tell you how much I love her and how happy she has made us all. My other two adore her. I am very very happy. there will always be money worries, time worries, tiredness etc but I have to hope it will work itself out. I really do feel like my family is now complete, it was meant to be.
I was in a completely different boat when pregnant with DD2 (now 8wks old) to where you are OP: small 2yr age gap, planned, I'm 32, our careers/income can take it, no one was surprised I was pregnant again. However I still had the same stream of worry. Have we made a mistake? How will I/DD1 cope? Can we afford it? Are we ruining our first child's life/taking away her attention and resources? It went on and on.
I think the worry is normal no matter what your circumstances. Now she's here, things are just fine. In fact, I might even dare to say better than I had down as a 'best case' scenario (don't want to jinx it!). Yes, it's a juggling act and there are times when they are both screaming, but it's actually all manageable. I now have the definite feeling that it's going to be all alright and know it was the right decision.
You don't say how far along you are, but guessing you're past 'the point of no return'? For me the worry only kicked in once the 'choice' element was taken away, and stopped me being able to remember all the positive things and reasons we'd had when we made the decision. My DH was good at reminding me of the solid positives, do you think your DH would be able to reassure you at all?
My unexpected pregnancy was my first, at 40, the 'planned' one was at 43! They are now 13 and 10 and it's been an amazing ride
My age hasn't been an issue, I seem to have as much
or as little energy as my parenting friends (who are all 10 years younger), as others have said age has brought a laid-back attitude to all the mad competitive stuff others seem to thrive on - I'm just happy to enjoy my children as they are. I am also the oldest of 4, with a 14 year age gap, and it's my youngest sister and I that have the closest bond (and I loved having a baby sister to do stuff with)
Also the stuff about not having enough love for them all and ruining the lives of the older ones, I had that before DC2 was born. Someone wise told me that the love you have for a baby is like having a chocolate cake and with each baby you get another chocolate cake
I hope the worry and concerns calm down and you get to enjoy the ride. Life is never predictable but it would be boring if it were.
Hello, I just wanted to say really belatedly THANK YOU for all these lovely responses. I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch before, and congratulations to all of you on your lovely babies and DCs. I have been very up and down, but now at ten weeks have gone from being mainly terrified about being pregnant, to being mainly terrified that there is something wrong with the baby. I've convinced myself that at the scan in a couple of weeks, they won't find a heartbeat, or that the tests will reveal a problem. I'm a total nutter and my DH doesn't know what to do with me. Anyway, thanks so much again for these responses, they have really really helped me feel better.
Not me but my mum. My youngest sister is now a successful business woman with two children of her own. And our mum is still going strong! Good luck !
My mam had my little sister at 45, 15 years after the youngest!! We were 22, 20 and 15 when she was born, She's the best thing that ever happened to us, a very happy healthy 12 year old now, aunty to 2 nephews and 2 nieces who absolutely adore her, and honestly the best thing ever!! Congratulations, enjoy your lovely baby, they're such a gift
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